TeenHelp - Dating and Friends

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Dating and Friends

So a year has gone by since my awful breakup with my ex, and I feel I'm finally ready to date again. Well I have a date for Friday, and I am very excited. He's very sweet to me, much sweeter than my ex ever was.

Problem is, (as shallow as this may sound or whatever) a few guys like me and are getting upset. One of my best friends, Jacob, won't talk to me now. We went to the movie with our other two best friends, Danielle and Shannon, and he was completely fine. He was clinging to me however, and we cuddled a little bit in the back of his truck while Shannon and Danielle sang. Well yesterday he was telling Shannon that he is starting to like me (second time around, first time he got hurt by me flirting with another guy when I didn't know Jacob liked me) and then he said "Does Nicole always makeout with guys she goes to the movies alone with?" I have no idea what that even means. I'm pretty sure he knows I haven't been on a date in forever.

My other friend Tim is so confident that I am going to realize that I do have feelings for him back. He is starting to scare me a little, he keeps talking about having sex and how I will love it and how persuasive he is. He said once he starts making out with me, I'll want to do it with him. And he says it is going to happen when we go camping. He's not the type of guy to really make me do anything, but its still a little weird and kind of makes me feel uncomfortable.

Overall, I guess I just feel like I can't do what I want without someone getting upset. I'm tired of changing things just to please other people. I want to go on the date with this guy, but I don't really know him that well. I'm not sure if I want to sacrifice my friendships for him either.

Re: Dating and Friends

You shouldn't have to choose between friends and dates/potential boyfriends. I think you should go on this date and enjoy yourself! =) Let Jacob figure things out on his own. Unfortunately, you are always going to meet people who will like you. Does that mean you should have to abstain from dating other people until they stop liking you? Nope! Should you suspend your own desires in order to please everyone else? Nope! Not all feelings are returned - that's just life. Jacob will have to accept that eventually. As for Tim... he sounds like a real creep. He may not be the type to force himself on you, but he's still saying stuff that makes you feel uncomfortable. I'd have a chat with him about it - maybe get one of your girl friends to back you up, if they've overheard him say anything you mentioned.

Re: Dating and Friends

Nicole, I'm assuming here that the new date isn't Tim. I hope not, for your sake, b/c he sounds fairly self impressed and assured of a sexual outcome here, in the absence of your participation or consent! This isn't a good sign.

Dating has it's perils, and one of them is the impact it has on your friends. Friends get possessive, they develop feelings and attachments, even if unspoken. So, your new sweetie represents a challenge to that, it's like they're losing you.

If you value the friendship, you should address this directly, and kindly, providing reassurance about the friendship and the place it has for you in your life. That way, you can explore a new relationship and not risk losing a valued friend in the process.

Re: Dating and Friends

Keyword-- you're FRIENDSHIPS. You're lovelife shouldn't be implicated by your friends' feelings. They like you, you like someone that sounds pretty great. Tough **** for them, harsh as it may sound, you shouldn't change what works for you to suit other people, even if they are close to you. Ted sounds like a creep. I'm sorry, he just does. I'm sure you know him in real life, and it seems quite different there, but it's strange and also a form of sexual harrassment for him to keep talking to you in such a way if you don't want him to. You shouldn't have to deal with ANYONE implicating that you are inevitably going to have sex with them. And for future reference (I'm not implying that you meant anything by it, I've been in similar situations myself), if a guy likes you, cuddling is enough of a sign that you like him back for him to run with it.

Re: Dating and Friends

Quote:

Originally Posted by iLikeToMoveIt (Post 746632)

I know that cuddling is a sign, its just we're best friends so I figured he didn't think anything of it either. It was really cold out anyway. I know that their friendships, its just I hate hurting people, especially those close to me.

Aparently Jacob thought Danielle and Shannon were serious about going to see the movie at the same time as my date, and so he got mad when I said he couldn't come. Why would he want to come on my date anyway if he likes me? Seems like the last thing I'd want to be doing *)

Re: Dating and Friends

The best thing to do is to confront Jacob regarding your true feelings towards him in order to clarify things with him, you can also tell him that you are being uncomfortable when he talks about making out with you in order to fix the issue, if he really likes you he will do something to prove it.

Re: Dating and Friends

HEY! :)

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN FRIENDS AND DATING. SO I WOULD JUST BE HONEST. TELL YOUR FRIENDS THAT YOU ARE HAPPY AND WANT TO DATE OTHER PEOPLE (KINDA LIKE YOUR BREAKING UP WITH THEM).

AND WHEN IT COMES TO TIM IF YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM BUT HE SCARES YOU THEN I SUGGEST YOU TELL HIM TO STOP. HE SHOULDN'T BE MAKING YOU UNCOMFORTABLE.

GOOD LUCK! TELL ME WHAT HAPPENS!! >.<