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Dating multiple people at once
What do you guys and gals think about it? I already know some of the responses that I am going to get, but I thought I'd throw the question out there.
What are your thoughts on it? Pros/ cons for each sex? I will chime in with my own story/ thoughts once I get a couple of posts. :bleh: -Bearded Lifter |
Re: Dating multiple people at once
There was a discussion on this not too long ago on another site I belong to, polyamory specifically, though the topic of open relationships came up.
Personally, I don't see anything wrong with it if all parties are consenting parties. This goes for polygamous relationships and open relationships. I feel that the terms do need to be discussed and that both partners need to be on the same page, and I feel that communication is extremely important in both circumstances, same as it is/would be in a monogamous relationship. The example I used in the other discussion, when someone essentially said polygamy and open relationships were "acceptable forms of cheating," was to compare it to exams. You have closed-book and open-book exams. If you bring in notes "under the table," so to speak, when the exam is closed-book, closed-note, then I would consider that to be cheating. In an open-book exam, everyone, students, teachers, etc., are aware of the fact that it's an open-book, open-note exam. You have the answers in front of you, same as you would if you smuggled the answers in, but it's different in the sense that it has been okayed and all parties have consented to the open-book exam. The same idea, in my opinion, can be applied to relationships. Though neither of those relationships are for me, I can see the perspectives of the people who are in them, and I can respect those perspectives for what they are. I don't feel I'm in any position of authority to be judging somebody else's lifestyle, and to be frank, I feel a lot of people spend too much time on analysing and judging others' lifestyles and not enough time focusing on their own. I think we need to live and let live. I don't expect to be criticised for being in a monogamous relationship, and I'm not going to bring that criticism down upon somebody else. I find many societal standards to be ridiculous (excluding the obvious, such as child molestation, murder, etc. being seen as wrong across society). However, I feel the lack of awareness, education, and accurate information on, say, polyamorous relationships contributes to the ignorance of society, and ignorance tends to breed hatred, distaste, or quick disagreement. |
Re: Dating multiple people at once
I definitely think that if someone is going to date multiple people, then all the people need to be fully aware and acceptable of the fact that the other person is seeing other people as well. I think that if that was the case, the relationships would have to be much more honest, but also much more closed. I don't think one person would want to hear about you doing other things with another of the partners. Honesty would be important in a lot of it, but also it'd be very complex to know how to handle something like that.
I personally would not be into dating multiple people. I would be open to having "flings" with multiple people as long as I wasn't committed to any of them. As soon as I got more feelings for one rather than the other though, I would tell them and then make up my mind whether I wanted it to go further or not. I doubt this was much help to you at all, I'm sorry. Haa. I hope that you find what you're looking for in this question. |
Re: Dating multiple people at once
Nothing wrong with it. Taking a girl to the cinema isn't a pledge of exclusivity.
Does this mean you've got two girls on the go? |
Re: Dating multiple people at once
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Define "on the go" lol. I am seeing one girl (have not "defined" the relationship yet- third "date" is tonight) and have a couple others I have yet to call up. |
Re: Dating multiple people at once
I think it very much depends.
With me, I will see more than one person unless it has been specified that we are exclusive. If I'm exclusive with someone I will be happy just to see them and spend time with them. Being in a relationship with someone is completely different though, that definitely has to be discussed. For example, I'm seeing someone at the moment, but he hasn't asked me to see just him exclusively, but I'm spending so much time with him and the time I'm spending with him I'm enjoying so I have no need to spend time with someone else because I fully intend to be in a relationship with this guy when the time is right. I think as long as you're open and honest then there is nothing wrong with dating more than one person, and when things start to take a turn towards being more serious you have to decide if you wish to be more exclusive with this person or if you're happy with just dating them for more time. :) |
Re: Dating multiple people at once
Speaking as someone who does date multiple people at one time, I think it's a fine idea. Some people do it to seek a family of sorts to share their life with, others like it to augment a relationship with a primary partner, and still others do it just to have a little fun. Whatever the reason, dating multiple people is a completely okay type of relationship style to have; it's simply different, and less common, than traditional monogamy.
I am involved in what is known as a triad, a Female-Male-Female triad. In this group of three people, everyone is involved with everyone else. In addition, we have it set up that we can see other people on the side as long as they are approved by our partners, primarily by the male in our relationship, since he heads it. For us communication is of utmost importance. It is in any relationship, but it becomes doubly so once there are multiple people involved. This means that everyone needs to be on the same page. If you aren't exclusive with someone, it's best to tell them upfront that you aren't exclusive with them to avoid confusion and hurt feelings down the road. In my experience, poly relationships are truly an amazing thing. They have a sense of community, of family, that is stronger than that of a typical dyad relationship. There are more people to rely on, more people to trust and share intimacy with, and more people just to have fun with. But be warned, poly relationships can come with a lot more burdens, too. It's difficult to balance everyone's wants and needs in the relationship, and there will be times you will get hurt and disappointed because yours don't get met first. There can also be more jealousy and envy in poly relationships, which can be hard to deal with. While poly relationships are different, they're a lot like monogamous relationships, too. Both face the challenges of daily life and both have their respective issues. A lot of people can be weirded out by the idea of polyamory, but when all is said and done it's just a different style of relationships. |
Re: Dating multiple people at once
It depends.
I think that if both parties are consenting that it's okay for either one, or both, to date other people or multiple people at once, it's no big deal. If one doesn't know of the other's dating other people, then that could be considered as cheating, I suppose. It all depends on the situation, and what both parties had agreed too. Open relationships also mean friends with benefits, so I'm not sure sleeping with multiple people is cool; I mean, your having sex with one person, then those two people are also having sex with one or more people. It just leads up to bad reputations, possible pregnancies (where one doesn't know who the father is) and STD's if you don't know if the other is clean. It could be fun for a while, but dangerous as well. |
Re: Dating multiple people at once
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I definitely agree with the "friends with benefits" thing. Do you guys think that there is a double standard in regards to dating multiple partners at once (women are labeled as "sluts" where men are "studs") or is it becoming more acceptable for both genders as time goes on? |
Re: Dating multiple people at once
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For the second question: I think that a couple of years ago, it's definitely viewed as 'girls are sluts, guys are studs'. But, it's becoming more and more acceptable these days. Of course, we are all judgmental creatures, and I still think of girls who sleep around as sluts, I'm not going to lie. But, it's not my place to voice that opinion (except for here, since I feel like I can do that here, so girls who have slept with multiple people at once, please don't hate me). But, I don't think of the guy as a 'stud'. I also view him as a slut, or man-whore for lack of a better word here. They're no different than us, except they can't get pregnant. Sleeping around isn't something I was ever interested in, so this is where I'm basing my opinion off of. I really have no problem with anyone who wants to sleep around, it's just not and never has been for me. There is definitely a double standard there, and there shouldn't be. Men and woman who have slept around should be viewed in the same context, although, that will definitely not be happening anytime soon. |
Re: Dating multiple people at once
I think there is a big difference between dating, and being in a relationship. To me, dating is what happens before you make it official, and why shouldn't you date multiple people at once? It gives you a better chance of finding the person you want to be in a relationship with.
Until you have that conversation to make it official, I think it is perfectly acceptable to 'play the field' ;) However, I will say that it's not an enjoyable experience having to tell one person that you don't want to see them because you met someone else more compatible. As for your question regarding the double standards, I've had both sides. My closest girl friends, and guy friends tell me it's perfectly acceptable for me to play the field if I choose to, but I have some other friends who do look down on me, and view what I'm doing as deceitful. Though I think that is because they have more traditional views than I do. As in, they view dating someone meaning they are instantly exclusive, whereas I don't because nothing has been said to make it that way. I have seen the same for men as well, sometimes they will be 'studs' sometimes, 'players'. I think it depends on the people really. I don't think there needs to be a conversation about the possibility of dating other people. Unless something is made official, personally, I would assume they are dating others, as I probably would be also :p If the girl gets mad about it, she should have had a conversation with you regarding dating other people. It should not be implied that once dating starts everyone is exclusive. Of course, there will be many who disagree with me, and that's all fine and well, but that's my opinion on the matter. So go forth and date, you stud :bleh: |
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So what are you doing Friday night? ;) :D |
Re: Dating multiple people at once
Do you guys and gals think it is easier for women to date multiple partners or for men to date multiple partners?
I think women have it a little easier because they have a constant influx of partners but then again I am a little biased. |
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But, basically the first half of my statement is how I feel about that. :) |
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Location: US :o |
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