Atheist dating a Roman Catholic. hmmn.

[dancinfool]

So.. this has been on my mind for a bit. I've been going out with my boyfriend for 3 years =] and I love him loads. After having conversations with some of my friends where they've either sort of committed themselves in the relationship- they're not officially 'engaged' but they reckon they're gonna have a future together.. or other friends who are like 'I don't think he's the one', I don't know where we stand on this. From my point of view, I'm in love (how cheesy) and although I don't know whats going to happen in the future, I see no reason why we shouldn't still be together in 5 years time, or longer. So here's the rub- my boyfriend is a Catholic and has said in the past that he would definetely want a Catholic wedding and to raise his children as Catholics. I'm a pretty strong atheist- I think we've only argued over religion like once (and even that was a misunderstanding) but more because we don't really talk about it than anything else. He's sort of hinted that he's not 100% sure what he believes himself, so blind ignoring of the subject seems easier :P. I've said that I don't think I could do a catholic wedding to which his reaction was basically 'mmn'.

He's given me no indication of the fact that me being an atheist is an issue, but I just worry that 5 years down the line we'll still be together, and then it'll turn out he wants to marry a Catholic (or a least a Christian!). I would be prepared to compromise on things but I don't know if he would. This is completely ridiculous to worry about, because even if he did tell me he wanted to marry a catholic, I'm not about to break up with him over it.. Nor do I want to get married any time in the immediate future. I guess part of me is scared that in bringing it up it'll turn out he doesn't see us as 'long term' and I do. =[

Thanks for reading, my posts are always too long!

[JessKilljoy]

I'd say if you were still together five years down the line, your clearly both in love with each other and I don't think him wanting to marry a catholic would be too much of an issue if he by then has been with you so long. You both might have to compromise slightly but if your both supportive of what you both believe in and your respecting of it I'm sure it will figure out. I woudn't worry too much, when the time comes I'm sure it will plan out right for you both.

[dr2005]

As with other issues which can arise in a relationship, it all depends on how you are both prepared to work around it. Differences in religious belief are not themselves deal-breakers - the Deputy Prime Minister of the UK at the moment, Nick Clegg, is an atheist yet he is married to a Catholic and they are bringing up their children as Catholics. It all depends on how the individual couple approaches it, and as Jess has said if you're still together 5 years down the line and still discussing a future together then that would suggest it's something you can work around. On the subject of the Catholic wedding, there are two types of ceremony - one with the Eucharist and one without - so again there's potential room for manoeuvre on that if and when it becomes an issue.

Hope that helps.

[~Mr. Self Destruct~]

This is what freaks me out.
I'm an atheist and pretty much everyone I know has some belief in God (I know a few other atheists/Agnostics) and I really want to find someone one day, but I'm afraid that religion may become an obstacle (particularly with children).

[TakeTheLeap]

Well, according to the Catholic Church, you cannot have a Catholic wedding unless one party is a baptized, confirmed Catholic, and the other party is at least be a baptized Christian (can be any denomination, as long as they're Christian). So, on that front, you really can't have a Catholic wedding.
As far as kids being raised? That's something you two will have to sit down and discuss. Discuss your concerns, discuss all the options, etc. I'll give you a couple of examples. My fiance is Episcopalian, and I'm Catholic, and we've discussed raising the children Catholic because my faith is much stronger than his. My Uncle Bobby (Catholic) and Aunt Lori (Jewish) decided they would have cats instead of kids because they couldn't decide how they would raise them. My Uncle John and Aunt Jodi are the same, except they have dogs instead of cats. :P

It's all on how you look at it and how you approach it. Multi-religion families can work if you make them work, if you don't make religion to be a big issue.

[dancinfool]

Thanks for all the replies guys, I don't really know much about Catholic wedding ceremonies so its good to learn there's different options.

the other party is at least be a baptized Christian

I was actually christened as a baby, so *technically* I think I'd be ok. However I really have no belief in God so not sure I'd be comfortable with effectively lying on what would be one of the most important days of my life. Hmmn.
Again thanks for the reassurance, I guess if we are still together in 5 years time he's unlikely to complain about my lack of religion then.

[dr2005]

Originally Posted by ~Emily~

Well, according to the Catholic Church, you cannot have a Catholic wedding unless one party is a baptized, confirmed Catholic, and the other party is at least be a baptized Christian (can be any denomination, as long as they're Christian). So, on that front, you really can't have a Catholic wedding.

In the case of non-Christians the priest is permitted to grant a dispensation, and most priests I have encountered are content to do so provided both parties are aware of the requirements of Catholic marriage and consent to them. My cousin is also a Catholic and she married a Buddhist, yet the wedding was conducted following the Catholic rite in a Catholic church. The Catechism advises caution on such marriages owing to potential conflicts between partners on religious grounds, but there's no longer an explicit ban. That went out with Vatican II if memory serves correctly. To quote:

Originally Posted by The Catechism of the Catholic Church

1633 In many countries the situation of a mixed marriage (marriage between a Catholic and a baptised non-Catholic) often arises. It requires particular attention on the part of couples and their pastors. A case of marriage with disparity of cult (between a Catholic and non-baptised person) requires even greater circumspection.
1634 Difference of confession between the spouses does not constitute an insurmountable obstacle for marriage, when they succeed in placing in common what they have received from their respective communities, and learn from each other the way in which each lives in fidelity to Christ. But the difficulties of mixed marriages must not be underestimated. They arise from that fact that the separation of Christians has not yet been overcome. The spouses risk experiencing the tragedy of Christian disunity even in the heart of their own home. Disparity of cult can further aggravate these difficulties. Differences about faith and the very notion of marriage, but also different religious mentalities, can become sources of tension in marriage, especially as regards the education of children. The temptation to religious indifference can then arise.

It's not exactly a glowing endorsement I admit, but neither it is "no chance mate" anymore.

On the technically-baptised-but-atheist point, again I know of one atheist who married a Catholic on similar grounds so that in itself isn't a hurdle either. Ultimately it all comes down to what you want from your marriage and whether the Catholic approach is suitable for you.

[MWF]

Is there anything wrong with a Catholic wedding? If there is a concern about a religious wedding, I think you should give it to him because you dont have a religion to have a wedding with.

[dancinfool]

Is there anything wrong with a Catholic wedding? If there is a concern about a religious wedding, I think you should give it to him because you dont have a religion to have a wedding with.

Lol well firstly we're not getting married anytime soon :P haha. As I said before I'm just not sure about making promises to a God I don't believe in, rather than just to the other person.

[Catherine]

Originally Posted by MichWolverineFreak

Is there anything wrong with a Catholic wedding? If there is a concern about a religious wedding, I think you should give it to him because you dont have a religion to have a wedding with.

I don't think atheism is really "absence of a religion", it's more of a belief that there is no God. Hopefully you can understand that someone who believes firmly that there is no God would be slightly uncomfortable with the fact that their wedding, which is obviously a very important day, was completely centered around belief in God.

I'm very young so I really haven't thought about this very much, but now that I am thinking about it, I'm not really sure *what* I would do. I'm an atheist as well, but my situation is the opposite: I only know a few people my age who really have a strong faith in God; most of my friends and people I know who are my age are agnostic or atheist.

I hope you find a happy medium with your potential wedding issue.