Why am I such a horrible partner?

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]Tw sexual themes, probably some other stuff

I (16f) met this boy (also 16) about 2 months ago. I had been RPing on a chat site and he messaged me saying he was interested, so I gave him a chance and added his discord. We RPed for a while but since then it's grown further than that. After a week or two we started having actual conversations and kinda doing stuff outside of the RP (basically just sexting). We talked about ourselves, played minecraft together, sent pictures and videos, etc.

The issue is; I'm obsessed with him.
After about a month of talking, he confessed that he was actually IN a relationship when we met, but his partner was neglectful and abusive. I was hurt and jealous but I didn't care. That was fine.
Recently his girlfriend of 14 months broke up with him though, and he's been distraught. He hasn't eaten or slept or showered or anything. And i found that since he told me that, I've kinda been mirroring him.
His responses have been really dry as well. I'm constantly scared that he's tired of me and he's just gonna block me.
Recently he didn't talk to me for four days. I ended up having a breakdown thinking either he did something to himself or he hated me. I was so desperate for anything of him that I looked up his username. I ended up finding his instagram and I feel sick because I found out a lot more info than I meant to. Like ttp where I know what school he goes to, the area he lives, as well as some pictures he was tagged in. I haven't told him (nor do i plan to) but i tried to make up for it by name dropping myself too. (Obv he knew my name but not my full name)

He's the only person ive met online that i actually plan to meet one day. I fantasize about him like 24/7. To the point where it makes me sick because he's ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT. He deserves so much better than me. I hate how dependent and creepy i am. I just needed to rant tbh[/size][/color][/font]

[Ennui.]

Hey,

This sounds difficult!

I think it might be important to find other things to fill your time so you aren't constantly thinking about him. Maybe join clubs, sports, or volunteer so you have other activities to do instead of thinking about him. This will also help you diversify your friend group so it's not only him. It also may help if you pick up hobbies and interests like writing, art, making music, cooking/baking, or something else. It's important to have your own life outside of any friendship or romantic relationship.

Take care,
Dez

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Hello and welcome to Teenhelp. Thank you so much for coming on and telling us about what you have been going through. I am so sorry that you are having a hard time with this and I hope that you will be okay soon. I agree with what Dez has said, try to find something fun to help you to take your mind off of this because when we are upset about something, if we keep thinking about this and that is going to keep making us feel upset and bring us down. Find something that you enjoy doing for a while and if you have to find a few different things to do, that is okay, you just want to feel better. If you ever need anything else, you are welcome to come back to post more and you can always join if you want. I hope that everything will be okay soon.

[Dawn.]

Hi there,

I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through at the moment. It certainly is a tricky situation to be in.

The only advice I can give you is to do what Dez and Emma have suggested as well. By engaging in hobbies, social clubs, etc., it may be beneficial to have something that may help take your mind on what your previous thoughts.