dealing with bf's girl bestfriend

[jaree]

me and my bf have been together for about an year now but we had been friends from long before that. my bf has a lot of female friends and I am totally cool with that since most of them are close to me too. but there's this girl who is too close to him and she's doesn't acknowledge the fact that him and I are together. I have talked to my bf about this and we agree that she might have feelings for him. my bf spends a lot of time with her and we frequently get into fights about it. i know he loves me and I don't doubt that at all. can you suggest ways I can convince myself to stop getting bothered by that girl?

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Hello and welcome to Teenhelp. Thank you so much for telling us about what you have been going through and I am so sorry that you are having a hard time with this and hope that you will be okay soon. The next time you are talking to your boyfriend about this, let him know how that one girl is making you feel and for her to not be as close to him because the two of you are together. You can be friends with guys and girls, it's not okay for others to come and start flirting with you or your boyfriend when you are together. I'm sorry how this is making you feel and I hope that you will be okay soon.

[Moxie.]

Hey there,

It's completely understandable that you feel uncomfortable, especially since you stated that your boyfriend has agreed that she might have feelings for him. Since he's aware of the situation, would it be possible for him to talk to her about things? It wouldn't need to be a confrontational conversation. Instead, it would be about reminding his friend that he cares about her and values their friendship, but that he has a girlfriend and isn't interested in pursuing anything further with her. The conversation can also serve as an opportunity for him to set boundaries with her, if necessary.

It's also important that you take care of yourself in this situation. Continuing to have open, honest communication with your boyfriend is essential to navigating this situation. Let him know how you're feeling and, if possible, anything specific that is bothering you about their friendship or her behavior around him. It's okay for you to address your needs too, so feel free to address any of his actions that are bothering you or things that you would like to change, such as asking him to hang out with her less frequently or only in group settings. Of course, you only need to do that if things like that would help ease your mind a bit! While taking a close friendship away from him certainly isn't the answer, it's completely acceptable to share your feelings, needs, and concerns. Working together with him is so important.

You mentioned that you're close to a lot of female friends, but I'm not quite sure if that means you also know her well. If you don't, maybe spending some time with both of them might help ease your mind. Sometimes, feeling like we don't know someone in our partner's life can make us question things and lead us to be less trusting of the other person. Spending time with them can change that, as it can sometimes show that there really isn't anything to worry about. If you don't feel comfortable hanging out with her or already know that there is a legitimate reason to be concerned about her intentions, it might be helpful to shift your focus to your boyfriend. At the end of the day, you're in a relationship with him and (hopefully) trust him. Reminding yourself that he isn't the type to cheat or do things that would hurt or disrespect you may help ease your mind, as you remind yourself that he wouldn't do anything with his friend that would change things between you.

I've been through this myself (and am actively going through something similar currently), so I know how hard it can be. But, you will get through it! If you want to talk about it in more detail, please feel free to respond to this thread or shoot me a message. You've got this!

Take care,
Sam