broke up and got back with my bf but he still sucks?

[velma]

hello, im new here so if i do anything wrong bare with me

me and my boyfriend of one year recently had came into issues where i dumped him, but after a day and a half we got back together (ik i sound indecisive i swear im a decent gf..) , i dumped him over thinking i had lost feelings due to him messing up a lot, like A LOT. his own best friends told me to threaten to break up if he didnt change bc they thought that was the only way hed change (after we got back together they also kept questioning my choice), now he never did anything like cheat or flirt with other girls.. he was just very stressful and immature. not to mention sensitive but hes always been like that. (getting upset over toddler stuff. like one of the worse was, i didnt have a game he wanted to play with me bc we never planned on playing it and then he got upset like a 4 year old.. even after he changed thats hard to get over. and its worse when he does stuff like that not only in-front of people but also involving other people, like he broke one of my best friends up w their lover just bc him and that lover didnt get along.. nobody was making them get along. at all. they never even crossed paths. )
recently hes explained how hes still upset that i dumped him and how he has personal issues and troubles due to it. and i understand that but idk its weird to me? i told him days before i did dump him that i was thinking about doing so and he was the fault of the break up not me. so its not like i broke his trust? i told him. i tried to be as transparent as possible. and even recently he messed up again after talking on my behalf to some friends after saying like 3 times he'd stop talking on my behalf (he told one of our mutual friends who im not as close with that i was sad that i dont make them happy?? i literally couldnt care less if i did. he just made that up in his head after i told him like 5 times "i dont care"). all this sounds like its impossible right? how could he be so annoying and bad and im flawless? now i dont think its at all possible im flawless, but i can say now i do not mess up as bad as he does. my mistakes ive done is like not fit some unrealistic expectation that i told him not to get his hopes up for, i dumped him and took him back, and im kinda obsessed with kids shows and youtubers or just normal shows in general that he doesnt like. literally some of our conversations go
"so what have you been doing?"
"well i watched [insert kids show he doesnt have interest in]"
"ok well anyways.."
and recently he got an interest im not into and you know what? i dont care! what i do care about is how he'll play it for 7 hours sometimes while we're on call and then he just ignores everything i say because hes focused on the game which is fine sometimes but not all the time? and i have never done that with any of my interests, maybe ive sang some songs or talked a bit too much about something he doesnt care about but that doesnt compare to playing a game and just ignoring me.. and ofc he gives me options but its either i play something with him or he ignores almost all of what i say while playing his game, and he knows ive been going through a phase where i dont have energy to play anything..
the only time ive done something similar to this was when i afk-ed on a game for some achievement so i couldnt play anything with him (not like i would if i could) and i was still comepletely attentive in the conversation he just kept acting like i wasnt and as if i was ignoring him and too busy for him.. when i wasnt. he had my complete attention, and he knew tboyfrhat.
more recently we've set boundaries about it, but still this was something as recent as a week ago.
like hes still the one doing all the wrong and somehow someone like me (derogatory) is still the saint of this relationship, and he says hes mad at me over hurting him with the break up? like yes i agree i hurt him, you can feel like that. but idk in a way its like you cant give me dirt for that when youre still sucky just slightly less..

i dont know, honestly most of my past crushes or relationships when its gotten this hard my partner would just leave and id either be too desperate trying to go back or too prideful to go back

[Moxie.]

Hi Velma,

Thank you for reaching out to us on TeenHelp!

Relationships can be complicated and it sounds like you're definitely struggling with that right now. Based on what you've described, it sounds like you and your boyfriend have different views and expectations about what a relationship should look like and how the other person should be treated. Is this something you've talked to him about? If not, I would definitely recommend doing so. It's possible that your boyfriend doesn't realize how his actions are making you feel. While it's easy to slip into the mentality that our partners should just be able to figure it out, by not openly communicating about the ways his actions are bothering you, you aren't giving him the opportunity to course correct.

Since the two of you recently got back together, it really is an opportune time to have a conversation like that. You could say something along the lines of "If we're going to try this again, I think we both need to set clear expectations for what we want and need in this relationship". If he's open to having that conversation, take some time to explain the impact that what you've shared with us has had on you. Be mindful about your tone when you talk to him about it. If you sound accusatory or overly critical, it may make him less receptive and less likely to really hear what you have to say. Instead, frame it as something you've noticed. For instance, you could say something like "I've noticed that you've been playing your new game a lot recently. I'm glad you've found something that you're excited about, but the amount of time you've spent playing it has left me feeling a little bit pushed aside. I would really appreciate it if we could set aside designated time to talk or hang out without your game coming into play". You can take the same approach when it comes to discussing him saying things on your behalf or not showing an interest in the things that you're excited about.

At the same time, I would encourage you to be open to hearing what he has to say as well. The key to a healthy relationship is compromise and a willingness from both people to work on it. You mentioned that he has talked about being hurt by the breakup. Give him space to talk about that and share what it was that hurt him. Ask him about his needs and what you can do to help make the hurt from the breakup lessen over time. It would also be beneficial for him to share any needs or expectations that he has about the relationship and discuss what you can do to meet those.

Conversations like what I've described above can definitely be difficult. The important thing to remember going into it is that the conversation is happening in an effort to make the relationship work. Be as respectful as possible of each other and do your best to avoid arguing about anything that is said. Instead, make an effort to understand his perspective and encourage him to do the same for you. If one or both of you aren't willing to put in the effort to grow together, it may be a sign that this isn't the right time for this particular relationship. If you are both willing to work on it, be patient. Change takes time, but it will ultimately lead to a happier, healthier relationship.

I hope this helped some! Feel free to respond to this thread or shoot me a PM if you have any other questions or need some guidance in framing the conversation.

Take care,
Sam