Prom should not be this stressful

[dystopia]

I'm a grade 12 student going to prom in the spring, so I need to start thinking about what I will be doing. I have a boyfriend of 2 years who is a year older than me. I already went to his prom last year. Over the past year, it has been clear that my boyfriend and friends do not get along. In my opinion, it seems just like a big miscommunication but my friends swear they think he is a bad person. Anyways, my problem is, what should I do for prom? I've always kept my boyfriend and my school/friend life separate, and now it is even worse that my friends don't like him, and because of that, he doesn't like them. Of course, there's the option of not bringing him, but that would be awkward since I went to his. Do I bring him and hope they can get along, don't bring him and try to explain it to him in such a way that won't hurt him, or do I not go at all?

If you want a little background on why they don't like each other: when meeting my boyfriend for the first time, my friends went a little crazy and were quite awkward, asking inappropriate questions and whispering to each other about us, etc, and he just wasn't engaging with them that much because of that, he was shy!! And then the second time it went fine at the beginning until my friends started doing the same things again which then made him quiet and shy again.. and after my friends texted me a bunch of mean things about him, saying things like "why do you even like him" "what do you see in him" "i see why he has no new friends" etc...anyways!! I don't know what to do.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Hello and welcome to Teenhelp. It is wonderful that you have joined us.

I'm sorry you are having a hard time with this and I hope that you will be okay soon. Would you be able to go up to your friends and ask them if you can all talk calmly about why they feel this way about your boyfriend? Maybe they see something in him that you may not see or they may know something about him or they could also like him and that's why they are acting like this. Also you can try telling your friends to stop acting like this about your boyfriend and not to talk about him in that way. If you want to bring him to the school dance then you should and you can ask your friends if they can try to be nice at the dance so that everyone has a good time. Or if you do not want to bring him, then the following week do something nice with your boyfriend just the two of you. No matter what happens, I hope you have a wonderful time when you are going to your school dance.

Hi there, thanks for reaching out! I can see how this can be putting a lot of stress and anxiety on you! We all want our friends and significant others to get along, and for us to not be put in the middle and be forced to choose. I'm so sorry you're experiencing this, and can I say that what your friends did when first meeting your boyfriend was a bit immature. But you're all young, and maybe your friends were just being silly for another reason and the dynamic changed in that moment when your boyfriend appeared. No matter what, I can see why your boyfriend was shut down and became quiet around them; anyone would when they're meeting a new person or group of people their significant other is close to!

I would speak to your friends about this, let them know what you appreciate about your boyfriend and — if it's applies, of course! — let them know that their behavior when your boyfriend first met them was a turn off to him and that's why he wasn't engaging. I think in any social dynamic, it's best to let the goofiness and quirkiness out after you've known someone for an extended period of time, and that's my opinion again.

I would then speak to your boyfriend and let him know how you're feeling. Would he be understanding if you went to prom with your friends and didn't invite him? Could you explain to him that you don't want to be confronted with anything awkward or embarrassing at prom if you were to bring him along with you? I don't know your boyfriend, I don't know how he'd react; but it's something to consider.

There's been instances in recent years where girls go to prom with a group of friends instead of a date; so see if that's a possibility.

Wishing you nothing but the best of luck! Feel free to reach out again if needed.

[Rika]

Hello

Thank you for reaching out and for posting on TeenHelp!

I understand it's putting stress and anxiety on you. I'd also see if you, your friends, and boyfriend could find a time to calmly talk this out. I'd want to know how they feel about each other and finding a way to reach a calm and peaceful resolution. Perhaps they may see something in him you're not seeing.

I feel it is important that you guys find a time to all sit down and find out why your friends are feeling this way about the boyfriend. I also would speak up and say your boyfriend doesn't like the way your friends acted toward him when he first met them. It also has become normal for a group of friends to go to prom if they don't have a date nowadays as mentioned above.

If you want to take the boyfriend to prom, then I'd do it. I also would still suggest having a group meeting so your boyfriend and friends can hash things out alongside you being there.