TeenHelp - Valentine’s Day…

TeenHelp (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/)

- Relationships and Dating (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f9-relationships-dating/)

- - Valentine’s Day… (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f9-relationships-dating/t162642-valentine%92s-day%85/)

Valentine’s Day…

On Valentine’s Day, I decided to get a card for the guy who I mentioned in my last post. When I gave it to him, he smiled and said thank you but I didn’t see him open it. The next day, he was friendly and chatting with me as normal but never once mentioned the card. While I was relieved that he was still talking to me, I was pretty disappointed that he didn’t even acknowledge the fact that I like him. Now I don’t really know whether he feels the same way or not. I feel a bit awkward asking but I might not know otherwise.

For those who didn’t see my previous post, here is some background - I met this person at work 6 months ago. He is currently talking to a girl on a dating app. Despite never actually meeting her in person, he talks about her as if they have been dating for a while and seems to really like her. However, the relationship doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. He said that they are “taking things slow”, but whenever he says they’re going to meet up, it never ends up happening. He doesn’t even have her number or on any social media outside the dating app.
He was already talking to her when we met, but we seemed to hit it off pretty quickly. He is very sweet to me and always tries to cheer me up if I’m having a bad day. We’re quite physical with each other and often end up play fighting. People think we are flirting and make jokes about us being together. Sometimes I think he does like me, but then he starts talking about this girl, and I’m not so sure. Should I just straight up ask him? I thought the Valentines card would be a giveaway but it clearly hasn’t changed anything.

Re: Valentine’s Day…

Hey Scout, thanks for posting again. I do remember your last post, and I am glad you followed up here.

I am sorry to hear that things are still confusing with your work mate. It sounds like there is some uncertainty and perhaps some mixed signals going back and forth. It's understandable that you'd be confused about this.

One thing I know to be true about relationships in life (all sorts, not just romantic) is that while we may think our intentions are clear, they aren't always. While giving him a card may have seemed like a dead giveaway, it doesn't guarantee he'll interpret it the way you intended him to. I don't know if that's what's happened here, but I would say that it's probably not good to let yourself get too anxious over what it might mean that he hasn't said anything because he might honestly not realize what it meant.

That said, if you like him, I really think an honest conversation about your feelings might be a good idea at this point. It sounds like you're getting to a point where you need clarification or else you're risking causing yourself distress, and it would be good to know where he stands with this girl on the dating app.

However, I do want to add the caveat that he does seem to be interested in this girl still, and while he may not have her number off social media or anything, and that they're taking things slow, doesn't mean there might not be feelings there. If you do decide to be honest, the answer might quite possibly be that he really is interested in this girl, and the playfulness might just be playfulness. Unfortunately, though, there is no way to know unless you ask.

It can be scary to be honest about our feelings and risk rejection, and I recognize and acknowledge it's a big step to tell this person you like him directly, especially because you work together. But I think in the end you have to ask yourself if it's worth the inner turmoil to just wonder and be in limbo, or would it be better to clarify and have the truth. Only you can make that decision, but I hope whatever you decide, you do what feels right for you.

Take care. We're always here for you.