TeenHelp - It just has to get better..

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It just has to get better..

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]Hello. I’m going to try and make this as short as possible… I am just really struggling badly lately. So basically I met my boyfriend and have been with him for 3 years. He has made me happier than I’ve ever been, and with him everything just seemed to make sense. But the last year things have took a turn…

I am religious. I am a Christian. He grew up as a Christian as well, but is now suddenly very against Christianity and believes it’s evil. He has a lot of anger and has told me science can disprove any God and that “even if God is real he is evil.” He wants to argue with me almost on the daily about this… he brings it up every chance he gets and he is not just asking questions, he is asking them in a way that is very insulting. He is constantly sending me memes that makes fun of Christians too. When I can’t give him the answers he wants he even will call me dumb. ( to put it nicely but he uses another offensive word ) He has called me pretty nasty names for believing and worshipping God.

It feels like he is demanding that I change my religious beliefs. It’s not just me he argues with either… it’s his entire family. He has become obsessed with moving to Mars someday. From the second he wakes up in the morning it is all he wants to talk about. He is obsessed with “humans becoming extinct and wondering how we will stop this from happening.” There is very little room for us to have conversations we both enjoy. It is either religion or science/space.

This is pretty heartbreaking for me. I feel so confused and like I am just begging for him to change and accept me as I am, even though I know with my beliefs I shouldn’t be with him… I just confused. It’s like he wants me to feel bad about myself and he is not respecting me the way he used to. I know many people will read this and tell me to just let him go. And i wish it was that simple for me. I am crying almost daily from how badly this is all hurting me. The constant name calling is just not like him.

This part is a pretty tough to admit. We have been sexually actively in the past. For the past 6 months he has absolutely no interest in it with me. It’s not even the not having sex.. that part of me I have struggled with and I wanted to save myself for marriage and I have failed. It’s more of the why does he not want to? Does he not find me attractive anymore? These thoughts are constantly bothering me. I am beginning to just feel very depressed and like I am losing one of the people that I love the most.

I guess maybe I just needed to post this to get this all off of my chest… I just feel so broken. I don’t know how much more hurt I can take. ☹️[/size][/color][/font]

Re: It just has to get better..

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through so much!

Have you tried talking to him about what is going on? This is pretty serious since he is insulting you too. You can start off by saying that you feel hurt when he says these things (be specific) and you want to work with him to solve the problem. You can also say that you've noticed that he's been acting differently (Again, be specific) and you are wondering if he's okay.

He may not want to talk things through, or if he does, things may not change. At this point, I know that you don't want to let him go, but you may have to. While people of two different religions/beliefs can get along and date just fine, other times it just doesn't work. You also don't deserve to be with someone who constantly is insulting and arguing with you. You deserve better than that.

Don't blame yourself for him not wanting to be sexually active, either. It's something you can bring up if you do talk to him, but it's not your fault.

Re: It just has to get better..

Hey there. Thanks for posting.

I can tell you have a lot of love and connection to your boyfriend. You obviously care deeply about him, and it shows through in how much you want to make this work. Based on the physical connection you have, too, it sounds like he's someone you trust. It's very admirable you are trying so hard to find a way to communicate, and I can see why it might be hard to hear someone say you need to leave, or let go. Those fears are understandable, especially when it's your first love, which it sounds like he is.

However, sometimes, though, feelings like that can obfuscate the truth, and unfortunately the truth here is that the person you are with now is not the person you fell in love with. Sadly, people change. It's just a truth in life. I don't know what's going on with your boyfriend, or why he feels this way, and is experiencing so much anger. If you desire, it's something you could talk to him about. Communication is important in healthy relationships, and you have every right to express your feelings. But it sounds like he's not willing to hear them.

Unfortunately, when people stray so far from an original belief system, it's unusual they come back to it, at least not any time soon. It doesn't mean he can't be with you just because his beliefs change. What is more concerning here is that whatever issues he is dealing with internally are leading him to not only disrespect you, but actively show he doesn't value you, and is not listening to your needs or what is important to you in making this work.

It's up to you, what to do or where to go with this. Trust me, I know it's hard to just let go of something you spent so much time and effort and care on, and I am not saying that's what you have to do. But you do, however, deserve to be respected and loved for who you are. And if he's unwilling or unable to do that, he is no longer the person you should be with.

What I say here may be hard to here, but ultimately, you have to take care of yourself, and choose what makes you feel good about who you are and who you're with. And if this relationship isn't doing that, it might be time to reconsider it.

Take care.