Knowing when to move forward

[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]I started dating someone a couple of months ago who is really great. In all honesty, thus far it's probably the most healthy relationship I've ever had, because of where I am at mentally and emotionally in life, even though it's so new. We are not labeling it or anything, and neither of us plan to "commit" any time soon, but we've both been enjoying what we have, and there's a deep connection of care.

Our first date, we had a sexual encounter. It was quite enjoyable, and we both had a really, really fun time. But shortly following that date, I started experiencing PTSD symptoms from abuse in a past serious romantic relationship. This has made the idea of sex very difficult for me recently.

Now, as this person is a decent human being, and very respectful of consent and boundaries across the board, they are not pushing me to do anything I don't want to whatsoever. They won't even initiate kissing right now, unless I do, because they know what's going on with me. Which is wonderful, of course.

The problem is, I feel safe with them, and I want to explore with them sexually again. We've been doing things, VERY slowly, and stopping the instant I say I need to, every time, but I find myself dreaming about this person, and sometimes doing intimate things with this person, and I want to move forward. I am just scared it will backfire. I know they are not my previous partner, but I'm still wary. So how do you know when it's time to move forward after something like this, and how do you do it?

To be clear, I am not going to stop seeing this person. I know they won't "get tired" or "fed up" with me for eventually not getting back to sex, either. This is more for me and my experience going forward in life than it just is about them, but since they are the person I trust right now to do things like this with, it's coming up for me a lot.[/size]

Hey there, thanks for reaching out and I'm sorry you haven't gotten a response yet. I am so happy to hear you're in a healthy relationship with someone you consider safe. It seems to me — and I could totally be wrong here — that you communicated with your partner about what happened in the past. While I think that was great, it shows you trust this individual, I think it's also important to let them know that "hey, if I want to be intimate, it's ok" and communicate with them. No matter what side you are on with consent (ie, rejecting or approving) you still need to communicate with them.

Also, have you ever spoken to a licensed therapist about what you went through? If not, have you ever given it a thought? I'm wondering if talking about your trauma or any conflicted feelings you have right now, that will help you take that next step with your partner and be intimate with them. It'll probably alleviate any feelings you have with intimacy and your trauma.

It's definitely something to look into.

I wish you the best of luck and feel free to reach out again if needed.