Can't concentrate

[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]Two weeks ago I attended an event where I saw a guy perform. I immediately “liked” him, but I wasn’t able to speak to him (let’s call him V). He’s from a different country. A few days later I looked him up on the internet and decided to send him a message, saying that I liked his performance. Nothing much - I didn’t even expect him to reply. But he did and we started conversating. Turns out we have a whole lot in common and I loved talking to him, so even though I don’t know him in real life, I became really emotionally engaged. At some point I admitted I had thought him cute and friendly at that event, and he said he liked me as well (as far as that can go only knowing each other online, obviously). So we would like to meet in real life, but don’t have that opportunity at the moment.


Yesterday I got a message out of nowhere from a stranger from my own country (apparently a friend of V). He told me ‘not to toy with V’s feelings, because he’s already suffered too much’ and then he sent me some screenshots from a little ‘conversation’ that I and my best friend had on my public profile. My best friend is gay and that convo was about a book... but apparently that man thought my best friend is my boyfriend and that I’m lying to V that I like him.



I hadn’t been that infuriated in a long time. I wrote to V about this, of course. He apologised and said he didn’t know that his friend would write something like this to me. I did let V know how pissed off I was maybe it wasn’t the right thing, but I was extremely emotional at that moment. After all, I am the one who has been thinking about V for 24/7 since we started chatting, and I am the one that is super emotional about it all.
The thing is, I’ve just started my studies. Studies I don’t want, but I feel I have to. And I cannot concentrate at all. These emotions are taking a huge toll on me. I can’t sleep at night, because my mind races (about V and last night about that whole drama, too). I need to study some Latin names while I’m in a completely different reality. For the past year, I didn’t attend any school or uni so it just gets matters worse because I got used to freedom. To doing what I want. I can’t concentrate and they want me to go to uni, study for many many hours and socialise. This is just too much. All these emotions are too much. I don't know how to cope.


Thanks for reading, I know it's long.
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[Mallika]

Hello there,

Thank you for reaching out! I want to start off by saying that your emotions are completely valid. You're definitely justified to be upset and angry at V's friend. I too would feel this way in your situation.

I personally think it was pretty intrusive of V's friend to stalk you and your best friend's interactions and even message you about it when he doesn't even know you! It's good that you brought it up to V, but I think it would be fair to directly to write to V's friend. After all, he had the audacity to write to you - you can also therefore request that he keep to his own business. You can ignore his messages thereafter. People like him don't deserve your energy! Your interactions with V is a private matter which a third party individual shouldn't be commenting on!

I can imagine the emotional turmoil and frustration you're having to go through. Starting school after working is a challenge in and of itself. Please don't feel that you have to do everything all at once. I know how it is in Uni (especially at the beginning of semester/term/quarter) where they bombard you with so many things all at once - assignment deadlines, exam dates, project dates, fairs to get people to join student societies, career fairs, social events... the list goes on. Nobody can do everything all at once. I'd suggest you can do a few things:

- Make a list of the things that are important to you (i.e. priority). When I was at uni, socialising at a club was on most students' agenda, but not mine. I'm not a party person, so I had my evenings and nights to myself while my classmates gave up on that. Similarly, you can think of doing only those things that matter to you. Which brings me to my next point...

- Plan bite-sized workloads for each day. You don't have to do schoolwork from 8am to 12am, unlike what people may say/do. I did 4 years of uni without burning the midnight oil a single day and graduated with really good grades. It all boils down to planning. You can use a diary, Excel spreadsheet, anything to help you divide your tasks over your schedule. I also REALLY recommend using the Eisenhower matrix to plan your tasks; it has helped me tremendously throughout my uni life and even today in my working life: https://www.developgoodhabits.com/eisenhower-matrix/

- Seek help. If you're returning to uni after being away for something, it can get really overwhelming. So please don't hesitate to reach out to your professors or tutors for assistance on schoolwork or even deadline extensions. Many of them are understanding and helpful.

- Take time out for yourself. Even if it's an hour or so each day, keep some me-time in your schedule. It does wonders to your mental health!

Take care!

[Tennant]

Do not worry and find yourself the person you can fully trust

[Astro04]

The trust Is better than anything. That must be your first priority!
Is normal to like someone so much, but don't forget what's your needs and what you want.