Trouble being vulnerable

[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]I've been dating this guy for a few months now. A couple of weeks into our relationship he told me he loved me. There was no pressure for me to say it back and I really appreciated that. He just loved me and was willing to wait until (or if ever) I was ready to take that step.

For a bit of background, things with my ex really, really messed me up. I thought we were it. We had plans to marry and everything. And then they left, so unexpectedly. Looking back, now, there were signs things were not going well, but at the time they left I was crushed. I swore I never wanted to love anyone again. I knew I probably wasn't capable of that, because I am not aromantic, and am in fact very much a romantic person, but I didn't want to feel things for people. It hurt too much.

Obviously when I started developing romantic feelings for my current boyfriend, this became a problem. I'll save you the story and say that yes, at this point I have told him I love him, and it's going really well. But I am still struggling a LOT with emotional vulnerability. Like I'll tell him I love him, and it feels really good, but then when he leaves I immediately feel scared because I miss him when he's gone. I don't generally miss people and it really freaks me out that I miss him. I fear, too, that maybe I am showing too much of myself, and he'll decide I'm not worth loving. Then he'll leave.

And of course, that's what it all comes down to: he'll leave. And I'll hurt again, just like I did with my ex.

I know we can take things slower if needed, but I do want to make clear I am okay with the pace. I just want to learn how to be vulnerable and close with someone without recoiling emotionally every time I let my guard down. Can someone maybe help me with this?[/size]

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Hello,

You're boyfriend sounds very sweet because he was waiting for you to say how you felt back without any pressure, that's great how he waited for you. I'm so sorry how this happened in the past with who you we're dating and how you had to go through that. You are a lovely person inside and out and they we're not able to see this. You're boyfriend who you are seeing now, sees how lovely you are and I think it's amazing that you have this. When you are with him, try talking about how when you are not seeing each other face to face then try to text or talk on the phone together so that you are still talking together. Also if you are having a hard time opening up with how you are feeling then what about writing down how you feel in a journal and show him when he comes over. This way he can read it and know how you feel. I hope that you will be okay soon.