how to stop being used.

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]As the title says.

I met a very nice and good-looking boy at work, we clicked and we started randomly talking to each other, after a 7-month period of not going to work we went back and we got closer than ever, we would play silly games and tell people we were a couple. A week before we had to close again (2nd wave of covid) we kissed, it was a moment that felt like I was in a movie, everyone saw it except for a friend, I told that friend because I was kinda worried he had a girlfriend, he never mentioned having a girlfriend but after kissing I started to get nervous, since I've had previous experiences with guys who kiss and then they tell you they have a boyfriend.

Now we are back to work and he kissed me another time, this time it was longer and more filled with passion, I don't know what to do because I know I don't like him as a "I want to be your girlfriend/I want to date you" kinda way, but he's the kind of person I want to have around for a long time, since his friendship means a lot to me but I'm starting to feel like he's just using me. And it looks like he's starting to open up about having a girlfriend, which is now awkward.

What can I do to stop feeling like I want him around? What can I do to stop caring about this weird friendship? What can I do to stop boys from seeing me as a toy? I'm not even confident with clothes so I wear hoodies and jeans, I'm not good at flirting and I like girls and want to date girls so I don't know why I keep attracting boys and I keep being played with.[/size][/color][/font]

Welcome to TeenHelp! I hope we can help you with this.

I think what would be beneficial here is setting some very clear boundaries. I get why it's tempting to either completely give in to his affection or distance yourself by miles, but if you're willing there is a middle ground. You could have a conversation with him about the nature of the interactions you're having.

Beforehand, I would think about what it is you want to get out of your relationship with him. Write it down, if you must. If you feel super torn about it, you could always turn it into a pros and cons list, and that might help. Once you have your list, you can prepare what it is you want to say to him.

When you do speak with him, it's important to highlight a couple of things: no, you do not want to be physical anymore, but yes, you value you his friendship and want him in your life- as a friend. Now he may have some difficult feelings about this, but those are NOT your responsibility. Your responsibility is to set healthy boundaries for yourself. You deserve to feel good about your relationships, and boundaries are a part of that.

As for not being used? Sadly, there's no real answer for that. You could wear a burlap sack and men will still objectify you. That's just the messed up society we live in. However, you don't have to put up with it. You can speak out, if you feel safe doing so. "No" and "Leave me alone" are complete sentences. You don't have to justify yourself to anyone.

I hope this helped. PM me if you need anything.

[Allyson Wood]

Sometimes you just need to distance yourself from people. If they care, they'll notice. If they don't, you know where you stand.

[Mallika]

Hello there,

Thanks for reaching out!

Like the others have already mentioned here, I would also suggest that you have to set some boundaries with him. It appears that you're not entirely sure if he's in another relationship or not. It would be a good idea to directly speak with him about it. There's nothing wrong in being open about how you're feeling regarding this relationship. And by having an honest conversation with him, you'll also get an idea of what his intentions are - you mentioned that he might be "using" you. Speaking about how the both of you want to carry this relationship forward might give you a clearer picture of how serious he is about this. You can also talk about things you're comfortable with and not comfortable with around each other.

Like Eli said, if you prefer to have his long-term friendship as opposed to being his girlfriend, it's important that you verbalise it to him clearly.

Taking a stand for yourself is the first step towards breaking free from guys who might be using you. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions!

[Dawn.]

Hi there!

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. I agree as well with setting up some boundaries between you and this guy. It can be hard but it might be able to help you in the long run.

[JuliaMacDonald]

The best way will be to stop interact with people for a short period of time, or better yet, completely change the circle of your communication!