Friends or just dating

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]Why can't guys be just friends? All of the guy friends that I had ended up having feelings for me and asked me out. That is one of the reasons why I can't have guy friends. They stop being my friend when I say I just want to be friends. I am thinking of this one guy lately that really liked me but I wasn't ready to date him then. He blocked me on fb. How should I reach out to him, should I?[/size][/color][/font]

Hey there! Thanks for posting here on TeenHelp. I hope we can be of help to you.

Friendships can often get tricky when one person develops feelings for the other but the other does not reciprocate. Unfortunately often they end. I was in a situation where for over ten years my best friend (he is male, and at the time I identified as female) was deeply in love with me, but I didn't reciprocate. Our friendship didn't end because of that, but it put a lot of stress on it, and I feel we couldn't really enjoy the friendship as much as we could have because there was that underlying, unspoken knowledge that he loved me and I didn't love him.

So yes, it really stinks when that happens. Have you tried talking to these guys about their feelings, or setting boundaries with them? Just because they like you and you don't reciprocate doesn't mean the friendship has to end, or even be awkward, if y'all communicate directly and effectively. You could say something like "thank you for sharing your feelings with me. I am glad you feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable with me. I value our relationship and hope that, going forward, we can continue to be good friends."

As for the guy who blocked you, that's unfortunate. I understand it must hurt that you weren't ready to date them and now you are, but he's blocked you. Sometimes timing on these things is tricky. People will probably give you different advice about this, but personally I feel if he's blocked you you should let it go. Blocking someone online is, in a way, setting a boundary, and crossing that boundary by reaching out via other social media/text/phone call etc. may be perceived as you not respecting his space. So I would let it go. There will be other guys, and who knows, maybe he will come around and unblock you at some point, and y'all could talk about getting together then.

I hope this helps. PM me if you need anything, and good luck.

[marryjain]

I think if you’re looking for the best hookup apps I would definitely recommend you try Tinder, Happn, Grindr, Pure, and Feeld first.

[Mallika]

Hi there,

Thanks for reaching out! I think Eli has raised some great pointers already. I'll try to give some more advice.

I would consider the element of maturity when it comes to boys. From personal experience, there have been multiple times whereby I helped a male friend or acquaintance about something related to school/work, and the person took that as an opportunity to flirt or ask me out when I wasn't even interested in heading that direction. It is frustrating after a while, and I completely understand why you are feeling the way you do. From my experience, as guys become more emotionally mature, they tend to begin making a distinction between having platonic and romantic relationships.

Unfortunately, in this time and age that we live in, boys are also under much peer pressure when in comes to being in relationships. That might explain why they are so "desperate" to ask people out.

What is most important, however, is that you stick to what makes you comfortable. If you feel a guy's advances are inappropriate, you don't have to entertain his conversations or interactions. If a guy has blocked you because you didn't want to be in a relationship with him, don't blame yourself. You are not responsible for how others process rejections, and therefore, you are not obligated to contact him or apologise or anything.

Trust me when I say this - there are good guys out there. There are guys out there who will cherish your company as a friend and not try to make your companionship into something along the lines of a relationship. They do exist, though they might not be in our vicinity yet. You might eventually meet such people in the future.

Hope this clarifies! Feel free to PM me if you have any questions!