mixed signals leading to nowhere (and sadness)

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]hello,

this story can be a bit long but i desperately need advice <3

for the past few months i've developed a crush on one of my closests friends (girl, like me). we are very close, we talk to each other everyday and we have quite a touchy relationship. she has already talked to me about her being lesbian and she knows i am bisexual. last year, i sensed that she liked me romantically bc of her way of treating me differently from our friend group, the way she complimented me and the way she touched me. at that time i didn't feel anything towards her so i didn't respond to her advances. now i kinda regret it because i started to like her.

this year, we continue to be closer than ever and she even holds my hands constantly during school and outside school. although, another girl in my friend group is acting a bit weird. she seems to be jealous (?) of our touchiness and always tried to steal her away. during every single recess they get in a bathroom stall together and spend an unreasonable amount of time there. the other girls in my friend group started a joke about them being in a relationship and them making out in the bathroom. i felt jealous. i asked the girl i like multiple times if the two of them are in a relationship and she has denied it everytime i asked. i still have my doubts though.

anyway, yesterday i turned 16 and i build up the courage to confess my feelings to her. i texted her and told her about it. i told her that she didn't need to respond if she didn't want to, it was just for her to know and that please not to tell anyone about what i told her (specifically the other girl) bc i would feel kinda embarrassed. i also said i didn't want anything between us to change and to avoid awkwardness around each other. idk if i chose the correct words now because i want some clarity. she responded to me with a "thank you for telling me ".

today i went to school and i couldn't even look at her. i don't know if she rejected me (i think she did) or if anything is going to happen. i don't know where we are. she didn't make any moves to talk to me about it or anything, she just resumed her daily life as if nothing happened and i feel so lost. she held hands with the other girl and i went to take a walk with a friend and told everything to her.

right now i feel very sad. i had to cancel plans on the weekend with my friend group because i'm not capable of being around her right now. should i talk to her? what should i say? should i just move forward? should i ask for a response to my confession? i need advice and i would very much appreciate it if someone helped me.

if you've read until this point, ily <3

thank you in advance,

me crying lol[/size][/color][/font]

[Rivière]

It's understandable that you chose to confess how you felt towards her over a text message, but now you're left with a larger dilemma. I think you need to find time, and a place where you can speak to her privately, and openly. Do it face-to-face, and ask her what's going on and for her to just be straight with you. Not only that, speaking to her face to face will eliminate any ambiguity that text messages or anything else written, can generate. You can also have a clearer picture of her body language, tone of voice, and overall behaviour during the conversation as well.

By getting things ironed out with her, you're no longer left with the 'what ifs' of the situation, and you can find out the true reason for her behaviour (if she's willing to tell you).

For better or for worse, it's better to know where you stand with her than constantly deal with the awkwardness your current situation has placed you in. This way if she's genuinely not interested, you can work towards moving forward, and past her.

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]thank you for your advice!! i'll certainly do so i'll try hard to build up the courage

thank you again <33[/size][/color][/font]

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]

Originally Posted by Rivière

It's understandable that you chose to confess how you felt towards her over a text message, but now you're left with a larger dilemma. I think you need to find time, and a place where you can speak to her privately, and openly. Do it face-to-face, and ask her what's going on and for her to just be straight with you. Not only that, speaking to her face to face will eliminate any ambiguity that text messages or anything else written, can generate. You can also have a clearer picture of her body language, tone of voice, and overall behaviour during the conversation as well.

By getting things ironed out with her, you're no longer left with the 'what ifs' of the situation, and you can find out the true reason for her behaviour (if she's willing to tell you).

For better or for worse, it's better to know where you stand with her than constantly deal with the awkwardness your current situation has placed you in. This way if she's genuinely not interested, you can work towards moving forward, and past her.

thank you for your advice!! i'll certainly do so i'll try hard to build up the courage[/size][/color][/font]

[Rivière]

You're welcome!

I have confidence in you to have courage.

[Mallika]

Hi there,

Thank you so much for reaching out with your story. I'm sorry that this is such a confusing situation. Trust me, I've been where you are, waiting on someone's response after a confession and so I know how uncomfortable it can be.

Firstly, I'd like to commend you for working up the courage to tell her that you liked her. That really takes guts, so good job on that!

Now, did the girl you like continue holding hands and being touchy with you while she and the other girl were hanging out together, even in the bathroom? If that's the case, she was indeed giving mixed signals.

Her seemingly normal self after your confession is difficult to infer, because different people process confessions differently. It could be that she is also trying to figure things out in her head about this matter. But we can never tell for sure until she says so herself.

Had she been an acquaintance or a friend you were not really close to, I would have advised you to move on. But considering that you were really close to her, I agree with Rivière that it is worthwhile having an open conversation about this with her. Ask her all your doubts and share all your concerns about this matter with her. I don't think you would be stepping out of line if you ask her what she thinks of your confession - does she want to be with you, does she not, does she need more time, etc. It's only appropriate for her to respond to your confession anyway

If it so happens that she does not wish to date you, I know this sucks, but the healthiest thing you would do in that situation is to move on. Unrequited love is very emotionally draining; I say that with confidence as someone who has lived with unrequited love for four years, trying to pursue someone who wasn't interested in me. But when we move on, past the hurt and pain, things truly get better even without that person's constant presence in our lives. And life does get more peaceful.

If it helps you in the time being, perhaps you might want to hang out with another trusted buddy instead of this friend group? Since there is quite a bit going on among you girls now, perhaps it's not a bad idea to hang out with another friend (perhaps someone who would be understanding of this situation) just so you are more at ease?

Take care! And good luck! And don't hesitate to comment under this post or PM me if you have any questions

[Mooys]

I think already everything has been said that has to be said here - you did admirably in mustering the courage to confess to her, but now you're going to have to be courageous again and ask her face to face. I know it's scary, but this mess you're in right now is going to make whatever outcome worth it - even if it's a bad outcome for you. Certainly brings peace, usually anyway.

The reason I do post is because I get so sad when I see people say stuff like, 'it's so embarassing to confess my feelings', and for people to feel embarassed when they get rejected. It's completely understandable to feel this way, but it is not very logical.

It is understandable because you may feel like you're not good enough, and because the person you have such a crush on or are in love with and therefore admire lets you down. It may also feel embarassing, what if people laugh?

Let them. Do you know what I can guarantee you? That 30 years from now, when your friend remembers this - and she will - she won't be laughing at you. She'll be smiling, and the memory will make her happy. In fact, I'm fairly sure you'll be smiling too in 30 years, either because you got a girlfriend, or because you learned so much that will help you in your life.


For every confession or advance I've had in my life, I have a memory. The earliest one was when I was but 9 years old. We played "tell a secret" and then "tell who you have a crush on". The boy whispered my name.

I'm now in my 30s and I still remember that. He was so embarassed, and probably sad because frankly at age 9 I was way too busy with barbies to pay attention to boys or think about these things. But when I remember this, I smile, because it was adorable, and cute, and made me very happy, and it still cheers me up sometimes, as do the other times were a guy had the courage to ask me out and I had to let him down.

I hope this makes it a bit easier to deal with confession-type situations.

At any rate, I wish you good luck, and I hope everything works out for you!

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]

Originally Posted by Mooys

I think already everything has been said that has to be said here - you did admirably in mustering the courage to confess to her, but now you're going to have to be courageous again and ask her face to face. I know it's scary, but this mess you're in right now is going to make whatever outcome worth it - even if it's a bad outcome for you. Certainly brings peace, usually anyway.

The reason I do post is because I get so sad when I see people say stuff like, 'it's so embarassing to confess my feelings', and for people to feel embarassed when they get rejected. It's completely understandable to feel this way, but it is not very logical.

It is understandable because you may feel like you're not good enough, and because the person you have such a crush on or are in love with and therefore admire lets you down. It may also feel embarassing, what if people laugh?

Let them. Do you know what I can guarantee you? That 30 years from now, when your friend remembers this - and she will - she won't be laughing at you. She'll be smiling, and the memory will make her happy. In fact, I'm fairly sure you'll be smiling too in 30 years, either because you got a girlfriend, or because you learned so much that will help you in your life.


For every confession or advance I've had in my life, I have a memory. The earliest one was when I was but 9 years old. We played "tell a secret" and then "tell who you have a crush on". The boy whispered my name.

I'm now in my 30s and I still remember that. He was so embarassed, and probably sad because frankly at age 9 I was way too busy with barbies to pay attention to boys or think about these things. But when I remember this, I smile, because it was adorable, and cute, and made me very happy, and it still cheers me up sometimes, as do the other times were a guy had the courage to ask me out and I had to let him down.

I hope this makes it a bit easier to deal with confession-type situations.

At any rate, I wish you good luck, and I hope everything works out for you!

i'm sorry for the late reply, but i wanted to thank you for your message, it teared me up. thank you truly and i wish you all the best <33 i talked to her and i got rejected. i'm still trying to move on and i look forward to the day i'll remember all of this like a cute memory[/size][/color][/font]

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]

Originally Posted by Mallika

Hi there,

Thank you so much for reaching out with your story. I'm sorry that this is such a confusing situation. Trust me, I've been where you are, waiting on someone's response after a confession and so I know how uncomfortable it can be.

Firstly, I'd like to commend you for working up the courage to tell her that you liked her. That really takes guts, so good job on that!

Now, did the girl you like continue holding hands and being touchy with you while she and the other girl were hanging out together, even in the bathroom? If that's the case, she was indeed giving mixed signals.

Her seemingly normal self after your confession is difficult to infer, because different people process confessions differently. It could be that she is also trying to figure things out in her head about this matter. But we can never tell for sure until she says so herself.

Had she been an acquaintance or a friend you were not really close to, I would have advised you to move on. But considering that you were really close to her, I agree with Rivière that it is worthwhile having an open conversation about this with her. Ask her all your doubts and share all your concerns about this matter with her. I don't think you would be stepping out of line if you ask her what she thinks of your confession - does she want to be with you, does she not, does she need more time, etc. It's only appropriate for her to respond to your confession anyway

If it so happens that she does not wish to date you, I know this sucks, but the healthiest thing you would do in that situation is to move on. Unrequited love is very emotionally draining; I say that with confidence as someone who has lived with unrequited love for four years, trying to pursue someone who wasn't interested in me. But when we move on, past the hurt and pain, things truly get better even without that person's constant presence in our lives. And life does get more peaceful.

If it helps you in the time being, perhaps you might want to hang out with another trusted buddy instead of this friend group? Since there is quite a bit going on among you girls now, perhaps it's not a bad idea to hang out with another friend (perhaps someone who would be understanding of this situation) just so you are more at ease?

Take care! And good luck! And don't hesitate to comment under this post or PM me if you have any questions

thank you so much for your reply, and i'm sorry for not seeing it before and replying late. your words teared me up and made me reflect on things a lot. i wish you all the happiness and love <3 i talked to her a few days after and got rejected. i'm still trying to move on even though it's hard. thank you again for your words <3[/size][/color][/font]