Why is there always history?

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][SIZE="a"]So, I’m in Year 9 of school at the moment and there’s this boy I have a crush on. We’ve been friends since we were about 5 and there’s always been a bit more than your average platonic relationship in the mix too, though we never actually defined it. (Nothing ever actually happened physically, bar me hugging him once when we were around 8/9 – bear in mind we were children!)

When we moved up to secondary school, things started to get very complicated. People were starting to have girlfriends and boyfriends, and generally start becoming interested in relationships. A group of “popular” boys – you know the type – started to bully us because of our relationship, getting at us both indirectly by hurting the other person and by hurting us in person. It was all verbal, so nobody really noticed. One of my friends even thought the ringleader had a crush on me, because he was coming over and talking to me so much! To prevent things from getting worse, we decided to stay as “just friends”, though nothing was said about how we really felt. We went to the teachers and got the bullying sorted out.

Two years later, things have changed. The bullying stopped when we reported it, but we stayed as “just friends” for continuity and because we were still cautious that it would still start up again. In Year 7, I didn’t really like him that much, but now I really, REALLY do. I think he likes me too, as all of the signs are there – eye contact, subtle flirting, reactions from friends, etc. but I can’t be sure. In any normal situation, I’d just come out with it and tell him when we had a private moment that I liked him, but I think you would all agree that this isn’t any old situation, and there are multiple factors in play. I wouldn’t even mind if we didn’t go out publicly, and just sort of knew that we liked each other and would go out if we could. What do I do now, and how do I tell him that I want to be more than just casual friends?

Any and all advice would be welcome [/size][/size][/color][/font]

[Mallika]

Hi there,

Thanks for your post!

I think we can appreciate that now, things are different. If the bullying has stopped and you feel that sufficient time has lapsed for people not to repeat what they did in the past, perhaps you can tell him how you feel now? In school, a lot of things change from time to time, and the same people who once were mean to you might have become more mature and act like everything is normal (and vice versa!). Like you said, you can even tell him in private how you feel about him. If he's also worried about the same thing, you can keep your relationship more discreet than you usually would.

Having feelings for someone by itself is pure and natural and takes its own course. However, obstacles (big or small) do come and it's up to use to adapt our circumstances. I'm always of the opinion that if you feel strongly about someone, you should go ahead and tell them regardless of what the outcome might be - it's good for you to let it all out and the other person also gets to know. After you've told him and he reciprocates, you might have to work together to find a way to make sure problems in school don't develop as a result of this (bullying or other sorts of troubles can be very disturbing for young school-goers like you).

I can understand where the dilemma is, but if you feel you have to tell him about how you feel for him, go ahead

[marryjain]

I also want to add all people are different.