When is it ok to introduce my boyfriend to my daughter?

[Nonoka]

My daughter will be 1 in November and I've been with my boyfriend for only 2.5 months. He just text and asked me if maybe we could go somewhere this weekend with my daughter and he can finally meet her. I'm really nervous about them meeting because I dont want my daughter to get attached to him if I dont know for sure yet that he's going to stick around. Also, even though he says he likes kids I'm worried about what he will be like with her and I really like this guy a lot so I really want everything to work out. Maybe it's too soon? And if it is too soon how can I let him know without offending him? Or am I worrying to much over this.

Hey,

So, I don't have personal experience with this since I do not have children at this point in time. However, I do have a few friends who have gone through this and my brother has gone through this as well.

From what I have seen, there is no 'right' time as much as there is a time in which you feel it is right to introduce them. I know a number of people who wait until they are more certain where the relationship is going because they don't want to chance their children getting attached to someone and it not working out. I also know other people who wanted to introduce them a bit earlier so they could see how the child got along with the person and how the person got along with their child.

So, overall I think this is a very personal decision that you are going to have to come to.

Something that might be helpful is talking to your boyfriend about some of the concerns you have. I know that type of conversation might be difficult to have but it might be good to let him understand that you do like him and you would like the relationship to progress but you are also worried about introducing him to your daughter and having her get attached and the relationship falling through. Having that discussion will open communication to an extent.

The one thing to consider is that, there really are no guarantees that the relationship will last 'forever'. So, there is going to be a chance that your daughter will get attached and it won't work out.

I do wish you the best of luck and I am sorry I couldn't supply you with a more definitive answer. There might be parents who have experienced this who can give you some better insight...maybe what they found worked for them etc.

I'm not a parent either, but I think if your instincts are telling you it's not the right time to introduce your boyfriend to your daughter, then you know what your answer is. The poster above me provided a really good tip, talk to your boyfriend about how you're feeling about introducing him to your daughter. Personally, I think two and a half months is too soon to introduce a partner to children from a previous relationship. But, at the same time, it's not like your daughter is school-aged where she is able to make a sound judgement and have a reaction if the relationship doesn't work out. Ultimately, it is your decision.

[Nonoka]

Thank you both for your opinions, after reading what you had to say I realized that my daughter being not even one yet probably won't be very affected by it one way or another and I was thinking I would like to see sooner then later how they are together so I agreed to going out together this weekend. I did talk to him about being worried that she will get attached and that I don't want him to try and act like her Dad or anything, at least not this early in and he is totally cool with that.

I think establishing a paternal boundary is very important when introducing boyfriends are introduced to their girlfriend's daughter. I'm glad you set that rule up with him, and hopefully the weekend goes well for all three of you!

[Sands254]

Hi. I think if your boyfriend is willing to meet your daughter, you should let that happen. The sooner they get close with each other, the more better will it be for you.

[Abbidabbidoo]

I think first you need to sit down with your boyfriend and have a heart to heart and explain your concerns. I know that your 1 year old daughter is your everything because I just recently had a baby boy who is 2 months old and he is my everything. I am not in your situation as I don't have a boyfriend and am younger than you by a little, but I do think that is your first step to talk with him. Ask him what his expectations are in going out with both you and your daughter because it is certainly different than when he just takes you out. See if you feel 100% comfortable with what he says and go from there. It will always be a touchy thing as to if your daughter will get attached and if you and your boyfriend will work out for the long run, but sooner or later he is going to have to be introduced to her and see how it goes.

[xxpaigiexx]

Hey there,

I think it's important to put your daughter first in all of this, so not to confuse her too much. If you feel it might be too soon, then chances is it is and you should stick to your gut feeling. Although it's nice you have a boyfriend, your daughter's wellbeing needs to come first and I think you should wait a little longer until the two of you have been together longer, it's really early days. You shouldn't feel pressured into introducing your boyfriend to your daughter. If your boyfriend is a decent guy, he will understand your apprehension and he will understand that it is too early for you to allow him to meet her. I also think it's important that he sees that your daughter comes first and primarily you're a mum.

I wish you the best of luck,
Paige

[Hanna Banana]

I agree that you have to look out for the well being of your daughter first. I do think it is great though that your boyfriend is so open to wanting to do things with both you and your daughter. The thing is it really isn't how you and yourself will react to it but how your daughter will. At that age I have no idea what would be going on in there little mind if all of the sudden this guy is around and doing things with her and someone she really trusts you(her Mommy). I don't know for sure but I suspect those little minds are very impressionable you and your boyfriend have to take tiny steps I think with this if it is decided at all that you are going to start doing things together at this time with your daughter.

[Nonoka]

I didn't realize I would have so many replies on this so I haven't checked in a while. Here's an update: I did have a talk with him and he was cool with whatever I decide because we haven't been together for that long. But I decided they can meet, it's no different then meeting family members we rarely see or introducing her to a new friend. We agreed that when we are with her, for now we will just act like friends. He's already met her twice, the first time we went to the park, he said hi to her and pushed her in the swing, the second time we made a jack-o-lantern and she loved playing with the "pumpkin guts". He was really great with her and I'm happy that she isn't shy with him as she sometimes is with new people. I really appreciate all of the advice and suggestions.

[Hanna Banana]

Originally Posted by Nonoka

I didn't realize I would have so many replies on this so I haven't checked in a while. Here's an update: I did have a talk with him and he was cool with whatever I decide because we haven't been together for that long. But I decided they can meet, it's no different then meeting family members we rarely see or introducing her to a new friend. We agreed that when we are with her, for now we will just act like friends. He's already met her twice, the first time we went to the park, he said hi to her and pushed her in the swing, the second time we made a jack-o-lantern and she loved playing with the "pumpkin guts". He was really great with her and I'm happy that she isn't shy with him as she sometimes is with new people. I really appreciate all of the advice and suggestions.

I think you are approaching this great.