I cheated on my girlfriend and she cheated on my should we end it it or forgive

[mattmion]

I was on holiday out with my friends already a little bit drunk and i got a call telling me my girlfriend cheated on me so i got mortal and got with 3 girls , the next day the same girl called crying because she felt guilty about lying next thing i was on the floor with guilt because i knew i had messed up with someone special . Im home now and so is she i told her my story and then she confessed to me that while i was gone she did cheat on my but a guy tried to get with her and she pushed away after a while and we forgave each other but her best friend the one that was with her told me that it was a lie and she got with him all the night about 20 something times and she was completely sober with no excuses. She still hasn't told me the truth and i can't confront her because i trust the girl the told me and i don't know what to do like i could try forgive her for what she did but if she keeps this lie i can't .

If she is not being completely honest about what she did and if she is still cheating on you then it is unlikely that the relationship can move forward. It is possible for a relationship to recover from cheating. Some relationships actually grow stronger after something like that occurs. But, of the people I know whose relationship has successfully overcome cheating, the people had to be completely open and honest about everything. The person that cheated had to be honest about what occurred etc.

For some people, overcoming cheating is not an option either because they feel like they will never be able to trust the person. I honestly don't know that I would be able to overcome cheating in my relationship. But, if you both want to try and forgive and move forward you both have to be willing to make changes. If one or both of you is not willing to make the appropriate changes then it is unlikely to work.

That being said, I am confused if the friend telling you all this is the same one that called and said she was cheating on you and then admitted she was lying. If it was the same friend how do you know you can trust her?

I feel the need to say the state of one's sobriety is not an excuse to cheat. Cheating is cheating. You're in a monogamous relationship, presumably, and you get with someone else. Doesn't matter how drunk you are. It doesn't matter if you hook up with one person or thirty. There's no it was "better" because you were with less people than your girlfriend. It's still a poor choice, and one many people won't forgive.

I can't tell you whether to forgive your girlfriend or not. I will say that many of the choices you provide in your poll seem to be made out of an emotional mindset more than a reasonable one. That won't help you. Making choices based on feelings of hurt won't help you and, more than likely, will make things worse. You need to assess your own feelings and your own actions in how you took part in creating this situation. Then you need to assess your feelings about how you feel about your girlfriend's actions. I suggest choosing what's called the "middle path" in DBT: making choices using both your emotional and rational mind. Assess each option using the middle path. Do a pros and cons list of each choice. Try to pick what seems to have the most resolution with the least amount of fallout.

Only you know whether or not you can forgive her, but either way, if you do choose to stay, there's some major issues you guys need to work through regarding trust and communication. Keep in mind it may be impossible to get through this, but you can always try.

Good luck. Feel free to PM me if you need anything else.