How do I tell my boyfriend that I'm a lesbian?

[RaptorGirl]

So I've been in a online relationship with a man for 5 months, he's so sweet and I really do care for him....but recently he came all the way to my state to visit and during my first sexual experience I realized I'm not into men sexually...I have suspected for a while but, I mean, I was never sure.

I always thought I was Bi, but I guess I'm not...does anyone know how I can break the news to him gently? I'm so nervous because I know it will hurt him alot.

[fallingstargirl]

Hey,

I think the best thing for you to do is to be honest but kind and to do it as soon as possible. Just tell him that you're sorry it didn't work out but you're not interested in men, and you can also tell him that you like him as a person and want to be friends (if that's how you're feeling). Like I said, it's better to do it sooner rather than later to avoid dragging out the relationship when you know it's not going to work out.

Also, if it's just telling him you're a lesbian that you're nervous about, you don't have to tell him that detail. You could just politely tell him that you're not interested anymore and you don't think it's going to work out.

Hope that helped! Feel free to shoot me a message if you need anything or just want to chat

[Bhorlin]

Well. I don't know what to say coz i'm a guy. But i guess its more better if you're going to tell him asap because it will just make the issue bigger and complicated as the time goes by. Anyways i just commented here because im a bit curious in your situation. looking forward for some good outcome to you. Goodluck!

[Moxie.]

Hey there,

This is definitely a delicate situation and I can understand why you're feeling a little bit hesitant about telling him. That being said, this is something that needs to be addressed sooner rather than later. The longer you wait, the more painful it may be for him and the longer you'll end up putting your own happiness on hold. Waiting just isn't fair to either of you.

Since this is an online relationship, talking face to face probably isn't an option in the traditional sense. However, approaching this over the phone or on a platform like Skype is definitely the route to take (as opposed to doing it over text or email) if you can manage that. It will help prevent things like tone from being misconstrued and allow better communication about the topic overall.

The best way to handle this is to approach it as gently and honestly as possible. Perhaps you could start by telling him that you truly appreciate the effort that he made to come see you and that you did enjoy your time together, but that it also helped you realize some truths about yourself. Let him know that you value him as a person and that this has nothing to do with him, but is something that has been there all along without you being fully aware of it. If you'd still like to be friends with him, tell him that you would still like him to be a part of your life if he's willing to be your friend.

If he does react negatively, remember that none of this is your fault. It's not uncommon for people who are gay/lesbian to think that they might be bisexual when they are first coming to terms with their sexuality. It's exactly what I did - it's just part of the process for some people. Don't forget that what you are feeling is completely valid and that you shouldn't feel guilty for not wanting to be with a man, even if it does cause some issues in the beginning.

If you want to talk about this further, please feel free to reply to this thread or shoot me a PM! I hope this helped some.

Take care,
Sammi