TeenHelp - Triggering (ED): Told my boyfriend

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Told my boyfriend

If you've told your significant other about your mental health struggles, what have they done to help you?

Last weekend I told my boyfriend about the eating disorder I was diagnosed with in the fall. It's been a hard week because of that, but I don't regret telling him. We've talked about it so much this week and he wants to know what he can do to help me. He said that he doesn't want to become the controlling boyfriend that forces me to eat or counts my calories, but he's still worried about how little I eat each day. I've noticed that he's been watching me during meal times and I can tell that it hurts him, which is killing me. I gave him permission to tell one of his friends about it because I know how hard it is to watch someone you love go through this, and I know he needs someone more than just me to talk to. It scares me that someone else is going to know, but I want what's best for him.

In terms of practically helping, we've come up with only a few things. I told him that when I begin to stumble with my words and struggle to concentrate it's because I haven't eaten that day. When I get like that he should remind me that I need to eat. I've been telling him if each day is a good or a bad day, and if it's a bad day why it's bad. Though I'm struggling with that too because what's a good day for me is still eating significantly less than what I should be eating (I haven't told him that yet). That's it, that's all either of us have come up with. He wants me to go back to counseling, but since I use the service offered at our university I could only go three or four times before fall semester begins and that just feels pointless. He's offered to find a support group and go with me, I haven't told him yes or no on that one.

It kills me that this is hurting him, but I knew that he needed to know (and I needed to tell someone). He's an amazing man that has promised to love me anyway; I don't know what I did to deserve him.

Re: Told my boyfriend

Hello Erin, first of all I can deeply sympathise with you for having this disorder, i know many with it and i know countless relatives and friends impacted by it also. From what i'm reading you're fully aware of everything this condition causes to both you and him;which is a start.

May i quickly add that you are truly blessed for having someone as kind and attentive as this boyfriend you speak of, I couldn't think of a single person who has been there for me as long as that so you should feel truly gifted.

Sorry if i'm coming across negatively in any way here trust me upsetting you is the last thing i want, but rule number one: hide nothing! To some extent your boyfriend knows of all the hiccups along your road to recovery but by concealing the information that when you have a 'good day' you are still eating significantly less is a bad idea.

For starters you said it yourself you are gifted for having such a gentleman by your side so if you truly care for him you at least need to be fully open about everything. Secondly I think it would be best if you sought help with this condition by any means necessary, i'm getting the impression that all this counselling isn't exactly your cup of tea and for the most part - that's fine! But please for your sake and your boyfriend's seek out whatever treatment that works best for you and with a few bumps in the road you will make it!

Finally, i left this point till last because i felt it was the point that needed the least amount of explanation. I can see why you're sceptical about other people knowing about your disposition i mean i know i would but relax knowing that the person your boyfriend confides in will be someone whom he trusts COMPLETELY. Relax you perfect creature!

Innes

Re: Told my boyfriend

Hey Erin,
Firstly, i want to tell you that you should be very proud of yourself for having told your boyfriend! It is a big step and its incredible you've taken it.
Also, I think its great that both of you are working to find a solution for your disorder!
I don't really have any advice for you, expect that perhaps talking to your boyfriend (Since he seems to be a great guy!) about days when you feel you haven't eaten enough may be beneficial for both of you.
I wish you all the best. And if you ever need to talk, feel free to message me!