Triggering (Substances): my boyfriend seems happy only when on MDMA

[chifchaffin]

Hello!

So lately i've become quite worried. I'm 19 - same as my boyfriend. We used to take it together, but then i realised that it makes my depression really worsen afterwards, so i stopped to. He, on the other hand, still uses it from time time, which would be okay, but lately he's been really tired and stressed from university, and it seems like he can feel like a human only when on MDMA. Then he tells me how much he loves me, then he is sweet and loving, and he does stuff and feels fine, but afterward he is just..dead. He is tired and bored and he doesn't want to do anything, and he is stressed and he gets annoyed really fast. Its not like he acts mean purposefully - he is still very caring and loving, but it just hurts me a lot to see how much happier he is under the influence of drug. I want him to find a way to feel joyful without any stimulants, but since the university is stressful, theres not much i could do or insist on doing.

Thanks for any advice

[del677]

Sorry stress is really bad. Anything (besides drugs) that can reduce the stress would be very helpful. Reducing school work, as in take one less class, if that helps. Taking slightly longer to graduate is better than dying or becoming addicted.

Universities usually have a counseling health place students can go to, to get serious professional and peer help for stress and stress related disorders, such as alcohol and drug addiction, since it's so common!

Seriously, universities recognize school can be stressful, and they don't want to gain a reputation as the university that stresses everyone out and causes more damage than good, so they've developed all sorts of places people can go when they are suffering stress, or drug usage, because stress induces relapse, and stress can induce depression and all sorts of mental disorders.

Getting annoyed really easily is another sign of too much stress that's eaten away at one's ability to moderate their emotions.

Also the late teens and early twenties is notorious as the time when many mental illnesses surface, so universities have developed organizations to help people deal with that. Depression is one big problem, bipolar is another (mood swings between mania and depression), and schizophrenia is a third (which doesn't sound like anything your boyfriend has, as it tends to include hallucinations and hearing voices.)

The sooner one can stop the mood swings and lessen the stress the better. To be healthy one needs adequate human contact, a little exercise, enough work and play to stay busy but not too much work to overwork and stress someone out. Religion can help if one can find a religion they are comfortable with. (Even athiests believe in the potential goodness of life, and it helps to express it.) Some relaxing mindfulness exercises can help, such as meditation, yoga, qi-gong, tai-chi. (Check out the "Headspace" guided meditation app.) Balance is another metaphor concept that can be helpful, as in strive for a balanced life. Buddhist places often have meditation groups, or chanting groups can also help get one to focus on the present moment for a while. The getting annoyed really quickly can be healed with these relaxation exercises. It takes a couple months, but as one learns to relax the brain slowly heals itself.

It's also possible your boyfriend may be developing a clinical depression, and he's just trying to treat it with MDMA. There are better medications a doctor can prescribe. It can be hard to really determine if it's a clinical depression, or just overstress, as stress can induce a clinical depression, and that often leads to drug use, as the person tries to self-medicate. It's very common so any doctor or counselor will immediately understand and know what to do to help.

Hopefully you also take care of yourself. You can be a big help if you yourself have found a balance in life and aren't stressed. If you are calm his emotional midbrain will pick up on that and he'll calm down too. (This happens unconsciously. Emotions are contagious. You can use that to your advantage.)

You could also perhaps ask the university's counseling center where they deal with stressed out students, and talk to someone there, as that's what they are there for, and they love it when a concerned friend comes in and talks about someone else having problems, as that gives them a way to reach both you and your boyfriend, and they can give some suggestions on how to take care of yourself and then care for your boyfriend.

The last thing is to realize you may not be able to help him if he doesn't want help. You can lay out options for him, and then step back and see if he takes any of them. That tends to work a lot better than trying to control the other person and insisting they do this and that. That's the approach I take. I lay out options and then step back and see if they take one.

Best wishes!

[ThisWillDestroyYou]

It sounds like he's struggling with depression and possibly burn out. I'd suggest going to a therapist to talk through it. I've struggled with similar symptoms before that were not drug related. I'm sure MDMA isn't helping, but seeking professional and licensed help seems best rather than self-medicating.

[Eternal]

MDMA essentially uses up all your serotonin at once, which causes a huge crash afterwards. You're basically using all of your "happy" at once. How often is he taking it? I think you should try and encourage him to talk to a counselor at University. It should be free, and typically they only do short-term so it wouldn't have to be a big commitment for him. They also can't report him if he decides to talk about his drug use.
That's all you really can do is just be there as support and try and encourage him to pick up healthier habits. Addiction can be tough to get rid of, especially alone.