Triggering: Boyfriend(ish) Is Moving Away.......

[itzz.casper]

Okay where I come from happiness is so fuckin rare, normally comes when I start smokin, but I found someone, that I don't have to smoke to feel happy. He is kinda my boyfriend (for personal/legal uses lets call him M). He has been there for me for alot, that has happen.And he is just what I call peace.

Now since M has been involved in my life for the last few months, I quit a few things. A) because he wanted me to. B) For the sake of my kids and C) Maybe it will help me. I quit things like smoking cigarettes, cutting, bang my head against walls or the table, and stopped wearing pink.

M, is moving here in April. He told me this back in January, I didn't really think of it then because just didn´t, but now that I think of it I´m gonna lose him once he moves. He promised me he would never back out on me. I dont want him to either.But the more that I´m thinking of it I´m starting to realize he may have a high chance of leaving me.

I´m a little used to people leaving, but I really dont want him to leave, because he has been my main source of happiness.I trust him alot, I really care for him. My concern is that I might go back to the things I quit for him. Im afraid when he leaves I´m gonna go back to the way I was before, Im trying to do what my step-mom friend told me, listen to the music that reminds you of him. Draw and write what you towards him. Which I have but it´s not really helping.

Please help?..... Any advice is greatly appreciated.

[Brandon]

I believe you have a lot of issues that need to be resolved, and your "kinda" boyfriend isn't one of them. People sometimes leave relationships: whether it's due to circumstances, incompatibilities, lack of commitment, etc. It's the natural way of life, and it's a hard pill to swallow knowing that nothing is really certain.

As romantic as it seems to give up all of the bad things in your life for the person you love, it's far from romantic. The fact that you say that he is your "main source of happiness" is a BIG...BIG problem. Truth is...if you can't find happiness on your own terms, you are heading towards some tough times, to say the least. It's an uncomfortable feeling knowing that the stability of your life is hanging by a thread, and your partner is the one who decides on whether to let go or not.

That isn't how relationships are supposed to work. Relationships aren't supposed to be a "you depend on me, and I depend on you." We aren't a HALF a person, and need another HALF to complete us. We are complete people, or should be. In relationships, we should be individuals with dreams, aspirations, self-love, self-confidence, and every other kind of seemingly fairy tale thing to have. When you don't have those things, you crumble easy.

Not to mention, when you have the attitude that you're going to go back into doing the things you used to do, you're absolutely right. It's the sel-fulfilling prophesy. You've always had a choice on what decisions you make, but you've already decided on what you're going to do when and if he leaves, so it shouldn't even come as a surprise when it does happen. Unless, of course, you make a conscious decision to not fall apart when you lose someone you love, strap on your helmet, dive into your problems, and fix them. Being single is the BEST time to fix your life; if the worst that happens is that you become single, that ain't bad at all.

It's just that...you think it's such a big deal right now because you've established such a hardcore dependency on this dude. However, if he leaves you...it's gonna be a real wake up call for you. It's going to absolutely SUCK. And we can only hope you're strong enough to turn your pain into motivation, and become the best person you can be as an individual.

The illusion has always been we needed someone for our happiness. We can rely on people for financial situations, shelter, essential needs in life. However, the moment we give people our happiness, we've already set ourselves to fail. Relationships might fail; maybe not now, but later. Doesn't matter whether you get married or not...things change. You can literally change a breakup from being the worst thing that's ever gonna happen to you, to the BEST thing that's ever going to happen to you. So breakups aren't a thing to worry about. Losing people is part of life; whether it's physically, or in spirit. Every beginning has an end. It's life's cycle. It's important to understand that cycle, and know where you fall in that cycle. Be reasonable and realistic with yourself. Be truthful. Otherwise, if you live your life with the mentality that only OTHER people can help you; what's gonna happen when there's no one there to help you?

That's the REAL concern. Be comfortable with being by yourself. Until then, your life is just a ticking time bomb waiting for it to explode into something you may not even be prepared to deal with.

[danh19]

the fact you quite in the first place means that you stronger than you thing so hold on to that inner strength