My online girlfriend is acting weird; what should I do?

[Windward]

So for context, I've been in this relationship with a girl for a few months now. We've never met in person because she lives very far away, but we plan to sometime next year if everything goes well. Thing is, recently, she's been acting a little strange. She seems to be more distant, and she's usually not up for any kind of "fun" talk anymore (I'll spare you those details, don't worry). Furthermore, she claims her internet doesn't work on her phone while she's at school anymore, which is a huge problem because that's most of the time that we have to talk to each other because of the timezone difference. She assures me everything is fine and that I have nothing to worry about, but I'm skeptical. Am I just being paranoid? Should I really have nothing to worry about? I just don't want to mess things up, but I always worry that I already have. Any advice or similar experiences with this kind of thing would help.

[Chai.]

Hey Harland,

I don't think you have messed up. I can't say for sure if your girlfriend is acting weird or not but if you feel she is, then I think you should talk to her about it. It could be that she is struggling with something else, maybe school or family and that is taking a toll on her. There is a possibility that her being distant has nothing to do with your relationship.

Your feelings are valid. I personally would freak out if someone started being distant and told me everything was alright. Honestly, given the distance, I don't think you have many options. Since you can't go and see her, maybe give her a few days. Continue talking to her but don't bring this up. See how things go for a few days. She might tell you about whatever is bugging her but if she doesn't you could broach this topic again if she continues to be distant.

For now, all you can do it wait for her to open up to you. Let her know that you are around to talk to if anything is bothering her.

I don't know how much this helped but I hope things work out for you. Let us know how things go.

Good luck and take care,
Kav.

[Sophrosyne]

Hey,

Long distance relationships can always be difficult, especially if her internet doesn't work when you would mostly talk to her. Sadly we can tell you if there really is anything that's the matter with her, but maybe you should have a talk with her and see if there's anything going on. Communication is always important, no matter how much she wants to avoid the subject. You could also find out if it really is you or something else that's happening in her life that is making her more distant right now, you could be worrying over nothing. When you say 'recently', how recently is that? Is it around a time when something big happened either for her or both of you? Was there any kind of problem when she started acting distant between you two?

With the 'fun' talk, it probably isn't you, she could just be wanting a break from that for now. It could also be getting a little too weird for her, so try and relax on pushing that for now. Talk to her about other things, or go back to 'have a talk with her'.

It's exciting that you're going to meet her next year! Do you have a certain time of the year planned yet?

I hope everything goes well between you two!

[Brandon]

It's online dating. If online dating had a middle name, it would be "Skeptical," as in...Online Skeptical Dating. I know it's probably not what you want to hear, but unless you and her get involved physically and in person, you're going to remain skeptical of her.

I'm almost 27 years old. Online dating became one of those things I used to do, and cringe about the fact that I used to do it. I had all these hopes and dreams with a couple of women, claiming that I'm going to move closer and do all these great things (typically sexual), but the truth was that I never was going to meet this person. The only woman I've ever met online was a woman I lost my virginity to, but that was a temporary kind of deal considering we had nothing in common. Hell...I didn't even know who I was at that point in time. I was 19.

Online dating usually never works. Usually. People meet up and end up being different in reality, and it's just not the same. It's like dating a completely different person most of the time. Not to discourage you, but there's a reason why you feel skeptical, and you can't explain why. It's because you're about to learn some shit about love and relationships. I hope you don't get hurt, but you just might in the process. Just know, regardless...it's gonna be okay. Whatever it is you gotta go through, it's gonna make you stronger. Don't worry about what hasn't happened yet because truth is...when you worry about stuff, it becomes what they call the "self-fulfilling prophesy." People can't stand when their partners worry about the relationship because worrying about the relationship isn't something that needs to be worried about. If the relationship fails, so be it. However, if we're worried about losing it, there's usually a much deeper issue...like insecurity, lack of self-love, etc etc. Those personal issues can make a break up 10x more devastating than it should be, and that's no bueno.

All I can say is...be skeptical, my friend! If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. However, don't beat yourself up if things don't go the way you and her may talk about. It's a nice concept, but online dating...it's a hit or miss. 9 times out of 10, it's a miss. Just something to think about.