Advice for a Jewish male dating a Christian?

[dak702]

Hello, TeenHelp. I have recently began a relationship with a Christian girl (I'm 15, she's 16), and I am absolutely clueless on how to proceed, and I don't want to screw things up with her because of religion. Can someone give me some pointers and some things to look out for in this kind of relationship?

Thanks in advance.

[Mismatched Socks]

Hi Jay.
I think this is something you should discuss with her. Talk to her and find out what she is and isn't comfortable with doing for religious reasons. Good communication is what makes a healthy relationship. It is important that you respect her decisions and boundaries, that way you are less likely to make a mistake. Don't forget your own thoughts and feelings are just as important as hers so be honest and calm, express any concerns that you may have and try to find a way around them to make the relationship work. There are many relationships where partners have different religious beliefs so it can work.
Good luck to you both! Best wishes.

[Always *]

I think it entirely depends on a number of things.

For example how devout are you two? Does he eat pork (or not), attend synagogue all the time, and celebrate holidays, and do you do the same for Christianity? Are you willing to attend synagogue with him periodically and him attend church? I don't think you guys necessarily have to participate in the others religion, but I do think that you guys have to be open to and willing to engage in both religions event if you're keeping it at arms length. For example, you can't ask him to like leave his Jewishness at home and but then expect him to be totally into you wearing a cross and having him come to church or something. And the balance is to not exclude both of your religions from the relationship because that'll just create problems if your faith has to be stifled in a significant part of your life. I think that, however you guys decide to go about it, that you need to celebrate both of your religions even it is is to say "I don't believe this, but I want to support you in growing within your religion".

Another factor is family; will your parents put pressure on you not to marry him or even to end it now just because he's a Jew? will they ever come around and change their minds? This can be a lot of pressure to put on to young people and maybe you guys can rise above it, but it could put a lot of strain on the relationship.

I definitely think that things can work out because, fortunately, as humans, we are multi-dimensional beings and your religions don't have to be the thing you build your lives on. For example, I'm not a religious person. It's not to say I don't have a religion, I'm just not practicing. My partner and I aren't religious in our relationship; we built our relationship around other things such as our love for the outdoors, music, and books. I think you can treat religion as something like football; you don't necessarily have to want to watch football or get excited about it, but you can be happy for your boyfriend when he goes and watches football, even if it is in your living room, and when he and his friends are excited about football you can smile and let it be (now swap all of that for him being Jewish).

I hope this helps

I think that this is something that you need to talk to her about because there are a lot of factors to consider. For example, is she very religious? If she is then there might be things she will need from you but if she is not it might not be a huge issue.

The biggest thing I can point out is that you need to be respectful of her religious beliefs. There are probably going to be differences that the two of you share because of religion but you can work through it if you are respectful.

Talk to her and see what she needs and be sure to make sure that she is respectful of your own religious beliefs.

I think that things like this become more of an issue if the couples don't talk and the religious beliefs end up getting in the way of the relationship.

I have a friend who had a lot of difficulty in her relationship because she was christian and he was Jehovah's Witness. However, if ended up working out and they got married. So, no matter what types of difficulties you might face due to this your relationship can be successful.

It really is all about communication.

[NeuroBeautiful]

Haven't read through replies so hopefully I don't repeat. My mother was Jewish, my father is Christian. I know you're only 15 and may not be thinking about what your family thinks but family will be involved eventually. Some families get upset about intermarrying because they worry how the kids will be raised. They may be discouraging you from now though even if it's just dating. I don't know your family or her's but that's something to consider. Hopefully both families are supportive.