My boyfriend keeps making plans without me. I'm kinda hurt.

[Elle_94]

Hi Guys,

So I'm not sure if this is just me being jealous and possessive or if I really do have a reason to be upset here and I'd just like some opinions.

Ive been a bit upset with my boyfriend of one year over the past few weeks. For the most part he's great, but lately he keeps making plans and decisions without me. I know he has a right to do his own thing and have a life outside of our relationship of course. But I just feel that being as we've been together for a while now and we're committed to each other, it'd just be nice if he'd let me in on things, and let me know his plans and what he's going to be up to and stuff. For example, yesterday he just randomly told me he was going to climb Snowdon with his friends next month, and he only told me when I bought up overhearing one of his friends saying something about it. Apparently it'd been planned for months, but he hadn't mentioned it to me at all. Then he cancelled our plans for the half term to go to a festival with another group of friends. Now his sister has just posted on Facebook that they've booked tickets to see Busted, and again, I've heard nothing about it. I don't understand why he can't just tell me things rather than dropping stuff like this last minute. It also hurts me that his family have been very cold and rude to me over the course of our relationship, for no apparent reason, I really can't think of anything that I've done to upset them. But he just continues supporting them and their actions, and never seems to try to defend or stick up for me.

Am I being stupid about this or do you think it's fair that this bothers me? What do you think I could/should do?

Thanks in advance,
Elle

[Destroyprophecy]

I believe you have a right to be upset because this has also happened to me and ik it definitely hurts my feelings because i don't do that to him.

[Elle_94]

Yeah, that's exactly it. I don't mind him doing things without me at all. Of course he's entitled to live his own life and do his own thing from time to time. But I always try to let hI'm know when I'm doing something and I try to consider him when I make other plans. But I don't feel like he does that for me.

[Eternal]

Have you tried talking to him about this and that you'd like to know what his plans are? I wouldn't approach it from a "I need to know what you're always doing" viewpoint, but instead let him know you just want to know you're interested in what he's up to. For example, you could express how cool it is that he's going to climb Snowdon and you're glad he's doing things with friends, but also tell him you'd like to be aware of big plans like that. I don't think it's too much to ask for and I don't think it's possessive. It's pretty normal for couples to be letting each other know about plans.
As for his family, I was in a similar situation. Unfortunately, since he isn't sticking up for you it's only going to encourage his family and it tells them that it's okay. I'd also try and talk to him about this and really express how much it hurts you. I think it would be helpful if you could find out why they don't like you. In my experience, my ex boyfriends family didn't actually have anything against me, they just teased me a lot and were encouraged by my ex boyfriend not doing much about it. It may be hard, but if you feel up to it you could try and confront his family about it as well.
I'm sure you've heard all this before, but really communication is the only way to solve problems in a relationship. It sounds simple, but it can be difficult to express how you're feeling and resolve the conflict effectively. I think it's helpful to reflect back what your partner says to you to make sure you are understanding where they are coming from, and then try to find a compromise. It takes effort from both sides.

[xxpaigiexx]

Hey Elle,

Communication in any relationship is key. I think you need to be open and honest with your boyfriend about how you're feeling. Let him know that you're not asking for him to ask your permission to do things, you just want to be more included in the things that he does. Letting him know how you're feeling is important because the more you allow these things to go on the more unhappy you're going to be. Let him know that you want to do more things together and try to make some plans that the two of you can stick to.

I would definitely speak to your boyfriend about his family and ask why they behave that way towards you. Could it be a case that you just don't know them very well. Maybe it could be a good idea to spend a little more time around his house or hanging out with his family and getting to know them a little better. Sometimes it takes a while to get to know some people and hopefully soon you'll feel comfortable around them.

I wish you the best of luck,
Paige