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Member
I can't get enough
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Age: 33
Gender: Female
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 3,164
Points: 26,162, Level: 23 |
Join Date: April 12th 2012
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Re: Dating advice -
May 15th 2016, 01:40 AM
You're case sounds pretty typical of people our age (being a fellow early-20's person myself).
Bars are definitely not the place to try to meet women. Trust me, been there done that; from my end, it's usually men approaching me and it ends up being horribly uncomfortable. I feel like some girls don't mind, but most of the time its just hook ups. The fact that I have a friend who married her bar hook up is a rarity to the point of near-impossibility (seriously, they hooked up at a bar and some how it worked out, but that like, normally never happens). My point is that you don't need to worry about that not being your scene; if what you want is a relationship, it probably won't work.
I'm bringing other things up here cause *long online dating bit*. In person, you can join groups; churches, theatre groups, gyms (especially good if you go to classes like cycle or zumba or yoga), martial arts, tennis, art classes, cooking classes, campus clubs, photography, book clubs etc. The options are endless, especially as you get into larger communities like cities. The thing is that you won't necessarily hit it off right away with anyone. Let's use gym classes here; usually people are focused on not face planting while doing zumba or whatever, but there are some opportunities for chatting before and after. Some groups are more social, but it might take some time to find those opportunities. Volunteering is another good way to meet guys; I had a guy or 2 get to know me at one place and ask me out, but at the time i wasn't really interested in dating because *reasons that don't matter for this purpose* so I declined.
Any ways, online dating is a good choice. That's how I met my boyfriend actually (2 years later, we're still going strong, going to get married too). OkCupid has a good reputation. Places like Plenty of Fish can be super sketch, idk why (more prone to hook ups maybe?) So be picky about the online culture of these sites. OkCupid is good because it's a free site but is more intended for relationships I think. To be fair, online dating can be hard; my boyfriend (and other men I know) said that very few women approached them, meanwhile I was probably getting 5-10 men talking to me a day and it was impossible to keep up with that so I often only replied to the men who seemed like they were the most interesting or most like my type (kind of one and the same, depending on your point of view). I know that that sounds unfair, but I also had to live my life and couldn't spend all day talking to a dozen different men on a dating website, the majority of whom I would likely never get around to having a first date with. This is a common experience for men and women, which can be frustrating for both parties, but never fear, women will approach men (I did for example), it's just that a lot of us won't message as many men compared to how many women men seem to message, you know what I mean? Online dating is something you have to be patient with. If anything, I would suggest to get OkCupid and maybe Tinder and just sort of have it in the background but don't spend all your hopes, dreams and energy on it, you know what I am saying?
Also, don't do stupid things on online dating. Like I had a bunch of guys send me poetry and all I could think was "what the fuck?" And this is totally unsolicited poetry and I had noooooo idea why they were sending me it, nor do I really like poetry. I feel like until you know a women, the conversation should be small talk. But don't go as boring as "hi", like I said, some of us are getting toooons of messages; it might work, but might not. Make sure the girls have something to respond to without going overboard; "hi, how are you?" is seriously good enough, if you checked out the profile, maybe you can be like "hi, how are you? I see you like reading, I like reading too, I just finished reading the Odyssey" lalalala.
Also, don't overshare; I had a conversation once that literally went "hi how are you" good how are you "good", end convo and next thing I know the guy is coming back with profuse apologies about how he didn't answer cause he was really depressed and stuff. I was sorry to hear the guy was dealing with something like that; I've had my own battles with depression and anxiety and I know how much it sucks, but I also really didn't need to know something like that about a total stranger and it just worried me that he'd be the sort of guy who'd be super emotionally needy and draining (again, got my own issues, I can get through the day just fine but I don't need to have a boyfriend who's going to drag me down into the hole i just got out of). I also have a friend who kept telling guys that she was a virgin right away cause she thought they deserved to know, but then didn't understand when they'd shy away after that, but like it probably made her seem really insecure and like she had a ton of baggage. Again, everyone has their baggage / issues / insecurities, but there is a time and place to introduce that and it isn't usually right away before you even know the guy from Adam / the girl from Eve.
Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions 
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relationships and dating cam definitely be hard. Try to talk to mire people around you and attend events that u can meet new people at (concerts etc)im sure you will find someone soon c: 
