Hes 26, has a girlfriend and we work together but we kissed and i really like him

[Xtsxx]

Started work a few months ago and always really got along with him. We started to talk more and stay later after work just to chill together. Hes really funny, good looking and we just get along so well. Im 17, hes 26. So thats the first "problem" idm that too much tho. He always used nicknames to call me over which were flirty to begin with such as shorty but recently hes started to call me good looking by saying little things like "thanks gorgeous" or "only cos youre cute"!! I started to really really like him. Just the other week i found out he has a girlfriend tho. So obvs i think my feelings will just have to stay to myself. We still acted the same at work tho, it was all harmless.
Just the other day, we were by ourselves and he told me that he likes me and that he thinks i feel the same way. He then says "but im alot older than you and i have a girlfriend". So we went back inside and it was as if thats now cleared up that nothing can happen. There was loads of tension between especially when we stood close to eachother. I should have just gone home at that point but we ended up kissing. He texted me later as usual to see if i had gotten home safe. The next day when everybody else had finally left we were able to speak about it. He was understanding that if he has a girlfriend i dont want to do anything with him. But im weak and we ended up making out again. I was so hot and has made me only like him even more.
WHAT AM I DOING. Am i really in the wrong rn and should back away? Or idk just want to hear your thoughts. Its all i can think about.

First of all, welcome to TeenHelp.

I understand you really like this guy. It sounds like he makes you feel validated and worthwhile and that's very appealing in a person. Sometimes it's not often that someone makes us feel that way. However, this guy is much older than you AND he has a girlfriend. I know that you like him, but it's wrong to be involved with him beyond a platonic level if he's in a relationship with someone else. I don't think you are "weak" or "bad" for kissing him; if anything, I think he's taking advantage of you. You're young and he knows you like him and he's using that to entice you into a relationship with him. I don't see you as being at fault in this situation. However, the right thing to do would be to set a firm boundary with him and let him know you like him, but you don't want to be more than friends so long as he has a girlfriend (and, depending on where you live, a physical relationship might be illegal between the two of you anyway). As hard as it will be to turn down someone you really like, it's the right thing to do in this situation. What you're doing is not fair to his girlfriend and an she could get hurt as a result of your actions together. So, I suggest being polite, but firm, in telling him where you stand.

Good luck and feel free to PM me if you need anything else.

Hey there,

In all honesty I think this guy is taking advantage of you. He is doing all the 'right' things to make you feel good and even though he has a girlfriend he doesn't care. If you continue doing these things it could easily lead to you feeling used and hurt. I think the best thing for you would be to back off and make it clear to him that you are no longer interested. He has a girlfriend and he should not be making out with another girl. I think that you already kind of know that but your feelings are confusing you.

[MWF]

Dear God, don't do it. Thing is, if an adult is willing to go below the age of consent (assuming its 18) to find women, there is something wrong with him. There is no way this would end well.

[Xtsxx]

In england the legal consent age is 16.

[Rivière]

As you're 17 (which is still classed as a minor until you're 18 regardless of the legal age of sexual consent being 16 in the UK) and he's 26 as well as having a girlfriend, in my personal opinion what's happened is particularly inappropriate. Not only is there this huge 9 year age gap between you, again, he's mentioned that he has a girlfriend. This here should be a huge no no. Clearly this guy has very little conscience in how to go about the situation. From what you've stated about him, he doesn't seem to care that he just went behind his girlfriend's back and kissed a girl who's 9 years younger than he is and on more than one occasion. For this reason I'm going to have to agree that you'll only be taken advantage of. I don't care if there are troubles in his relationship. I don't care if he's feeling sad or lonely in his personal life. He's a grown man and you're a teenager, he should not bring you into his personal life troubles and nor should you be used in any way to make him feel better should this be the case.

One thing I will ask is that you think of his girlfriend in this situation. Imagine you were in a relationship with someone and you'd found out that they'd gone behind your back kissing other girls. How would you feel? If I were in that position I know I'd feel very hurt and very betrayed. Someone I loved went behind my back and went off with other people without even caring. That would make me feel like I wasn't enough for them, I'd feel very inadequate and I'd feel very insecure about myself as a person.

While it's understandable that you have feelings for an older guy, you have a choice here. You can either continue down the path you've started by allowing yourself to be used by being his 'bit on the side' or you can take a stand, recognise that each of you, especially his girlfriend, will come out the worst and you can fight your feelings, be the adult in this situation and learn to say No. If he doesn't take no for an answer and he keeps pushing himself towards you inappropriately, again, you're still not 18 and are still classed as a minor in the eyes of the law, not only would he be breaking the law for harassment, but he'd be committing harassment towards a minor which is even worse.

All in all, put your feelings aside for a moment and think of the logical outcome of this situation. Think about what you really want, think about what he wants, think about what his girlfriend wants. Do you really want to be used? Do you really want to be his secret? Do you really want to be his girlfriend's heartbreak? Again, you have a choice.

[Xtsxx]

Thanks for your responses!

[xxpaigiexx]

Hey there,

I think you know deep down what the two of you are doing is wrong. You may not have a boyfriend but he has a girlfriend, but yourself into her position, how she would feel if she knew what was happening. I think you need to put a stop to this, you need to take control of the situation and whilst he has a girlfriend stop anything else happening between the two of you.

He is a hell of a lot older than you and he should know better.

I wish you the best of luck,
Paige

[Lelola]

Look at it from another perspective. He has a girlfriend and he is willing to make out with you. That means that he is at least willing to cheat on his girlfriend. Right now, it sounds like it is more physical attraction. He hasn't left his girlfriend yet. He is okay with kissing you and bringing her up.