can't please my boyfriend? :/

[Jess~]

hey..

my boyfriend and i have been dating for a week now and we've already done some extremely sexual things. pretty much everything except for actual sex.
i know it's super early, but honestly i don't know what to do about that... it's not like i can really just say "no more of that" after we've already started doing oral so.. :/ but that's a completely different issue.

my issue here is that neither of us have been able to make each other orgasm yet.
of course, he's got such a high ego that he thinks i'm lying when i say i haven't ever orgasmed with him. (he seems to think moaning = definite orgasm... which isn't the case, buddy. )

so now he thinks that he's made me cum so many times and that he's gotten nothing, when in reality, we both just suck.

i don't know how to do any better though... i didn't really want to rush this much in the relationship in the first place, but instinct kind of takes over. a lot of people have told me to dump him, at first, because they said he's just horny. but maybe i'm just horny too. xD
i mean, he respects that i don't want to have full sex yet. i don't really see a problem with just oral and all that if we're both virgins and both clean. it's just fun, right?

and like i said, it's kind of hard to all of a sudden tell him no after we've already gone that far.

but anyways... i know it's kind of a graphic and probably bad thing to ask on TH but is there any advice i can do to please my dude? i feel like a loser to be honest... i mean, making guys orgasm is supposed to be easier than with women.. but we both know our own bodies better and every time we fool around, i have to go home and finish the job myself.

this is my second time failing with him, and it's just discouraging me even more. like i don't want to give him oral anymore.. i'm just scared of disappointing him again. :/
and he always supports me afterward and says, "as long as you had fun." but like.. he was telling me how he walked in on a guy giving some guy head in the bathroom one day, and he was like, "at least he made him finish.." like he brings it up a lot. just makes me feel worse.

please help me not be a sucky girlfriend. this is my first time with this shit. xD
(sorry if this is bad to post... i hope i didn't make it too detailed. :S and obviously i don't expect y'all to flat out describe how to suck dick, i just need advice more for working it out and... any subtle tips i guess, to help.)

[RadioSerenade]

I decided this morning that I was going to start answering a couple of questions rather than posting them and I can safely say, this is not the sort of question I expected to answer! Regardless, there is nothing embarrassing or wrong about it, I mean this is the Sex and Puberty Forum of the site, and is so for a good reason. You have provided an admirable volume of valour and clarity and I shall return with a corresponding level of value in my response .

The first thing I want to say, is that you have every ounce of permission to turn back sex or scale back your depth of your sexual relationship, so there is no question that you have every right to proclaim that you don't want to go too fast, if that's the way you feel. It takes.... seven words LOL, I can count after all . Anyways, that's the first thing.

The second thing you have to remember is that these things take time, learning sex does take some time. The most important thing when you're having sex is that you trust and that you love the person on the other end, because sex is an act of love. In that regard, your propensity to reach an orgasm, and certainly to get your boyfriend to the point of orgasm is not indicative of the nature and value of your relationship NOR your value as a woman. You HAVE to remember that. As far as HOW to learn sex, WOW you cannot ask a person further from the veins of that answer than myself.

The third and final thing I will remind you of, is to be careful during your sexual encounters. You have done well to set boundaries for yourself and your boyfriend has done the same, but make sure that, in the pressure that I have picked up that you are feeling to please your boyfriend, you don't step out of your own comfort zone.

I recommend you have an honest and open conversation about sex with your boyfriend and I cannot completely comment on the proposition of breaking up, but if your boyfriend pressurises you in sexuality, even inadvertently, then it might be for the best to speak to him about how you are feeling and/or consider your relationship together. It depends on your individual feelings but sit him down and have a chat about it. Author, George Saunders, married his now wife in three weeks and while I BY NO MEANS recommend you consider the same path, it doesn't make the relationship any less integral..... any less harbouring of integrity..... any less... Ugh. No, not ugh, but ugh as in me. Ugh as in mugh .

Anyways, the most important part in that declaration was that you do not let this define your value as a woman or as a person. Because you're beautiful regardless of whether your boyfriend reaches orgasm as a result of that beauty.

[Jess~]

Originally Posted by RadioSerenade

I decided this morning that I was going to start answering a couple of questions rather than posting them and I can safely say, this is not the sort of question I expected to answer! Regardless, there is nothing embarrassing or wrong about it, I mean this is the Sex and Puberty Forum of the site, and is so for a good reason. You have provided an admirable volume of valour and clarity and I shall return with a corresponding level of value in my response .

xD yeah, i know it's kind of an awkward question... just, it had to be asked. i really need help lol and online is the only place i can go for help.

Originally Posted by RadioSerenade

The first thing I want to say, is that you have every ounce of permission to turn back sex or scale back your depth of your sexual relationship, so there is no question that you have every right to proclaim that you don't want to go too fast, if that's the way you feel. It takes.... seven words LOL, I can count after all . Anyways, that's the first thing.

do you have any advice on how to bring this up with him? or how to say it?

like i said, i think i'm fine with the way things are now... i mean, i don't see anything wrong with what we're doing. it is really fast for the relationship, but it's fun and all so..

my biggest concern about this, however, is not that i think it's wrong to do this so early in the relationship... but that i'm terrified that it's going to make the relationship all about sex.
is there any way i can prevent that from happening? we spend plenty of time together not doing sexual things. but a lot of times even when we're talking, he randomly kisses me or touches me (not anywhere private, just like on my side or something.) i'm comfortable with him doing this, but i just want to make sure that the relationship isn't all about being physical, you know?
if that makes sense... :S

Originally Posted by RadioSerenade

The second thing you have to remember is that these things take time, learning sex does take some time. The most important thing when you're having sex is that you trust and that you love the person on the other end, because sex is an act of love. In that regard, your propensity to reach an orgasm, and certainly to get your boyfriend to the point of orgasm is not indicative of the nature and value of your relationship NOR your value as a woman. You HAVE to remember that. As far as HOW to learn sex, WOW you cannot ask a person further from the veins of that answer than myself.

The third and final thing I will remind you of, is to be careful during your sexual encounters. You have done well to set boundaries for yourself and your boyfriend has done the same, but make sure that, in the pressure that I have picked up that you are feeling to please your boyfriend, you don't step out of your own comfort zone.

haha awwh.. i know. it just makes me feel really down on myself to know i can't please him to that extent.
but thanks, i'll definitely keep that in mind.

Originally Posted by RadioSerenade

I recommend you have an honest and open conversation about sex with your boyfriend and I cannot completely comment on the proposition of breaking up, but if your boyfriend pressurizes you in sexuality, even inadvertently, then it might be for the best to speak to him about how you are feeling and/or consider your relationship together. It depends on your individual feelings but sit him down and have a chat about it. Author, George Saunders, married his now wife in three weeks and while I BY NO MEANS recommend you consider the same path, it doesn't make the relationship any less integral..... any less harboring of integrity..... any less... Ugh. No, not ugh, but ugh as in me. Ugh as in mugh .

Anyways, the most important part in that declaration was that you do not let this define your value as a woman or as a person. Because you're beautiful regardless of whether your boyfriend reaches orgasm as a result of that beauty.

lmao "mugh" xD

i will for sure think about that, and we've already talked briefly about sex. he said he doesn't want to have sex until his mom meets me, and i said i didn't want to until we were together for a much longer while than just two weeks.
but if the need for the conversation comes up again, then i'll talk to him about it.

thanks so much for the advice! i'm so glad someone finally responded, i was just thinking, "oh my god, maybe i'm such a loser that no one can help me. D': "

[Kindred]

Sex doesn't need to be all about orgasm- sure they feel good, but all of the stuff before that can be equally as good. It can take time before you can work out what actually makes you both orgasm. What will make one guy orgasm is different to another and the same for you. Not all guys come from head, not all girls will come from fingering. Everyone is different, seriously. As mentioned above communication is really really important, but so is...instruction. Show him what makes you feel good, and ask him to do the same. No one is going to be perfect, sex is is awkward, messy and human. But with time and patience, it's likely you'll get there. This isn't a "problem", more like a work in progress

Originally Posted by Anglidash

Sex doesn't need to be all about orgasm- sure they feel good, but all of the stuff before that can be equally as good. It can take time before you can work out what actually makes you both orgasm. What will make one guy orgasm is different to another and the same for you. Not all guys come from head, not all girls will come from fingering. Everyone is different, seriously. As mentioned above communication is really really important, but so is...instruction. Show him what makes you feel good, and ask him to do the same. No one is going to be perfect, sex is is awkward, messy and human. But with time and patience, it's likely you'll get there. This isn't a "problem", more like a work in progress

This, it can take time to figure it out. And, there are some boys that don't orgasm from blow jobs. I've given my boyfriend a number of blow jobs and I only ever got him to orgasm once. It was nice to do but just because he didn't orgasm every time doesn't mean that we didn't enjoy trying. The same goes for oral sex with me. I've yet to reach orgasm (I think a lot of it has to due with my medication) but I have come close at least once or twice.

Things like this take time. You both have to figure one another out and all of that.

You asked about ways to make sure the relationship isn't all about sex. The only way I can think of to work on this is by talking to him about your concerns. If you are content with the way things are then you can keep doing them but if you ever feel like you are spending more time being sexual then you are being a couple let him know. The only way you can work on things like this is if you open up about it.