TeenHelp - Worried about own motives over dating a transwoman

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Worried about own motives over dating a transwoman

So, I've been flitting around a dating site for the past few months, just casually to see if there was anyone out there. And I come across a woman, who was blatant in stating that she was trans. She is also a nerd and social and had other factors that intrigued me. So I contacted her and we have messaged back and forth a few times. Everything is going well.

But internally, I can tell that this infatuation is different. I can feel that there is a bit more of a curiosity, social intrigue about it versus other women that I have crushed on/dated. I really don't want to pursue a relationship with someone simply to "experiment" on her, or to say that I've had that experience. Or anything stupid like that.

Is this normal and I'm just a bit weirded out and fascinated by the "trans" factor? Should I be concerned and pull back? Should I tell her about this right now.. or ever? Ack!

Re: Worried about own motives over dating a transwoman

Well, right now you're not necessarily committed to anything. I'd say that maybe what you should do is take a little bit more time to get to know her and her personality. That way, once you start to know her a bit better it may become easier to tell if you like her for her, or if you are more curious.

If you do decide that this is more out of curiosity, I definitely would pull back and not pursue her romantically, but if you find her to be a good person I don't see why you two couldn't be friends, as long as you are friends for her for more than the curiosity.

Re: Worried about own motives over dating a transwoman

Hey there,

I think it's natural to have a certain level of curiosity when it comes to dating someone with an identity you are not completely familiar with. When I began dating women, there was a part of me that wondered if it was because I actually wanted to be with women or if it was because of curiosity as to what it would be like. For me, it ended up being the former. It did take a bit of evaluation on my part, though.

Because you're not committed to her yet, don't push yourself to determine whether your interest is legitimate or simply based on curiosity. Take some more time to get to know her and find out if she is someone that you are compatible with. If it's possible, try going out for coffee or a meal to see if the two of you are able to hit it off in person. As time goes on, you'll know if you're genuinely interested in her or if you're simply wondering what it would be like to be with a trans woman.

I'm pretty sure this goes without saying but, if you do realize your feelings are simply based on curiosity, pull back. She deserves to find someone that will fall for the person she is and you deserve to be with someone that you are genuinely interested in.

Take care!