Boyfriend never wants to do what I want to do

[OneMoreStep]

Hi there,
So my boyfriend and I have been going out for over a year now and everything started out great. He became my best friend and I really love him. We had a few rocky months because he is dealing with depression and has had suicidal thoughts, but I notified his parents about this and he is currently seeing a therapist. Everything started looking up again! But for the past month every time I've asked him to do something with me(ie. take a hike, go out to dinner, or even just spend lunch out in the grass) he's just kinda said "I guess..." I always feel like I'm forcing him to do stuff with me, but whenever we do just sit together instead of doing stuff he just plays on his phone. Today I asked him to do someting during lunch with me and he said he felt like he has no choice, but to say yes, because either I'll feel sad or he'll feel bad. I told him he does have a choice but sometimes I just wish he'd do something other than just sit around. I told him that in the future instead of just saying sure(even though he doesn't want to) he could say maybe we could do so-and-so some other time. Now he is saying that whenever he has a problem I always make him the blame, which I am highly unaware of. I've been trying to be supportive of him because he's been going through a rough time and he doesn't really have anyone else to support him, and I want him to be as happy as possible, but I want to be happy too. Please help me out.

[Pirouette]

Hey there,

Based off of what you said, I think there's a possibility that your boyfriend may be going through something. He seems like he lost interest in doing things, which obviously isn't healthy. Since you mentioned that he goes through depression and has had suicidal thoughts in the past, chances are that this may be the case.

I would say that the best thing to do is talk to him about it. However, don't sound angry or like you are confronting him. Talk in a casual, friendly manner and say something like, "Hey, you seem like you aren't interested in spending time anymore. Is everything okay?"

You could possibly talk to his parents about the way he is acting and see if they know anything about it. I hope this helps and wish you all the best!

[Chai.]

Hey there,

I was in a relationship when I was dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts. It's not easy. The first thing I always felt was I'd be a burden to my partner. Even though I wanted to talk to him, I did not want to burden him. This isn't because of the fact that we weren't close, it's more to do with the fact that he had already done a lot for me and I did not want to make him do more. So, I withdrew from him. I am not saying this is what is happening with you and your boyfriend, but it is always a possibility.

You have said he is seeing a therapist and I really hope it works for him. Because you both deserve to be happy. Like Rishy said, you could try talking to him about this. If he replies and opens upto you about what he feels, you will be able to deal with things better. If he does not, don't pester him. Just make him realize that you are there for him, no matter what. He might take time, but he will tell you.

You could also try getting him to suggest stuff. Instead of saying 'Let's do this' how about asking him what you should do. Maybe it might get him more interested. It's just a possibility, you could try. Since you have been together for a year, you know his likes and dislikes. You could try getting him to do something he enjoys or hang out in places where you have happy memories from the beginning of your relationship.

I know this isn't easy for you. But stay strong, okay? Things will be fine. All the best and take care.