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Your Thoughts On Dating
I've just recently (last 5-6 months) have gone back into the dating game and would love to get your thoughts/feeling about the whole process....
How do you find people to date? (bars, school, through friends, gym, online, etc) What's the natural progression? (dinner date with drinks after, movies, bedroom...?) When do things start to get physical? (first kiss? touching? sex?) General tips? I seem to be striking out. |
Re: Your Thoughts On Dating
I tend to find people to date when I'm not looking for them, honestly. But once I know I like someone, and I feel this "click" with them I tend to start to get to know them and hang out with them. Explore them as friends. I'm a bit of a cuddleslut, so I tend to cuddle with people I'm interested in because I love to cuddle and It's how I say "You're a good human, I think I like you." Then things just...get to be more. More talking to each other and sharing things, more hanging out, more cuddling. And the closer I get to someone the less subtle I am about my feelings and the less subtle they seem to be with me. So it just kind of...happens. (Sorry, this may seem hopelessly vauge. The process is sort of a mystery to me as well!)
As far as physicality, I don't normally date people unless I've fallen in love with them. And when I fall in love I fall in love so completely and wholeheartedly that I probably seem crazy to most people. And when I love someone like that, and I'm so comfortable with them and trust them, I tend to get physical fairly fast because I'm not that concerned with how long we wait or don't wait and I long for intimacy beyond cuddles(but still definitely for cuddles, always more cuddles) I would recommend really getting to know the people you like. Talking to them and being yourself around them and letting them be themselves around you. For me one of the biggest things that contribute to wanting to be with a person is my comfort level around them, how easily we can have a good conversation. If someone makes me at ease I'm more likely to want to be with them. But that's just me, some people might want the opposite. |
Re: Your Thoughts On Dating
Considering I'm still in school I find em there,
I havent had one in years so the last one i had we hung out on the bus And it got physical after 6 months with 1st Kiss and that was the last one before I moved. If you feel ready and comfortable go for it. I honestly feel like a fool to have tried to go for girls at school as when I look back on it, it all seems stupid for me. But considering your 23 its more practical for you. Aslong as you take it at a pace you both are comfortable with and dont do anything rash dating should be fine with you. |
Re: Your Thoughts On Dating
You've asked for our thoughts and feelings, so I'm going to give my own personal experience and opinions! This does not mean that it's best for other people or perfect for your own life (as I do not know enough about your preferences and such to guide it that way), but it's my own experience. :)
How do you find people to date? (bars, school, through friends, gym, online, etc) Personally, I do not like the idea of 'seeking" a partner, such as going to bars, doing online dating, asking friends to hook you up with a blind date, etc. I found my partner in school and neither of us were looking for a date, but we simply connected over similar interests and passions. I feel at our age (or any user on this site for the typical ages around 13-25), it's just silly to be looking so hard. First, there are so many other things to do in life (work, school, etc), and second, I think the more meaningful relationships don't develop that way. I don't want to date somebody who is looking for somebody to date-I want to date a person who wants to date ME. A random person at a bar or online dating sites was looking for anybody, and I'd rather stumble upon somebody who is then working for my attention because they think it's worth it. You know? It's a weird thing with me. I know of couples that have been successful in this way, but it's not my own style. If my partner and I were to break up, I don't think I'd date for a while for this reason. It's not my priority and I wouldn't be looking to date. What's the natural progression? (dinner date with drinks after, movies, bedroom...?) It's going to depend on the person. I'd prefer to be friends with a person first, and I don't really care how long that takes. A day, a week, etc, but I'd rather feel like this person can be beyond a fuckboy and be somebody that I can spend a long time with. Then, if we aren't interest in dating, we can remain friends. Dates? I guess things we're both interested in. Coffee dates, hiking, etc. :p I'm not an expensive dinner and movie person, I'm more of a homecooked meal that we make together and Netflix kinda gal, but to each their own. When do things start to get physical? (first kiss? touching? sex?) This depends on the individual. I waited a long time to be intimate with my current partner, but I wouldn't wait as long with my next one. I know couples that had sex on the first day that are successful-I don't think it matters that much, as long as the individuals are comfortable. |
Re: Your Thoughts On Dating
I think that the answer to this is relative. I dated my current boyfriend for 2 months before we slept together. But a lot of people may have done so on date 3.
finding people to date is harder than it looks. I personally could never meet people at school. I didn't like partying, I didn't like bars, I wasn't super involved in campus. I generally did my homework and volunteered with children so my dating pool was small unless I wanted to poke at my small pool of male friends. So I turned to online dating. Some hardcore creeps are there, but I have a boyfriend now who has a good job and a university degree so what ever. Someone else might be different if you're less introverted, if you like loud get togethers and are involved at school, etc. The natural progression also depends on the person. I held hands with my boyfriend on date 3, kissed him on date 4, and we didn't have sex for almost 2 months. Considering we were talking everyday some people might say that is slow. But for me it was right. And every relationship is different. You might want to do things faster, and get a guy who is down with tjat. You might do things faster and get a guy who wants to do things slow. Or vice versa. I don't even know if there is a natural progression. Some people will make out with a guy but not hold his hand. Things like kissing and sex you can manage without emotion. But holding hands is weirdly intimate and a lot of people won't do it unless they're super serious, even though other things came first. Again, preference. It's the same for a date. Dinner and drinks? Maybe. Maybe not. I personally don't dribk and since I drive, it's not like I can really have more than 1-2, which limits the effectiveness of a drinks portion of a date. Dinner and just sit to talk for a long time? Sure. Dinner and a movie? Dinner and a walk? There are endless possibilities. The right time to get physical depends. I didn't have sex with my current boyfriend for almost 2 months. But at 16 months I did it after 3 and was rushed. My current boyfriend I love more than I can say, so it was ok to do it in 2 months especially cause that felt "right". I have friends who are very catholic who were in a relationship for 5-6years before they got married (they got together in grade 10-12) and didn't have sec until they were married. Incidentally, she got pregnant within 6 months of being married. I don't know about you, but personally I dont think I'd want to have a baby at 23, so that's rushed to me. It's another factor. When you decide to do these things it depends on your preference. |
Re: Your Thoughts On Dating
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For me, my first serious boyfriend and I slept together after being together for two months. My current boyfriend and I slept together after two weeks. It's just what I was comfortable with at the time. So do what you're comfortable with. |
Re: Your Thoughts On Dating
Besides school, I think it's easy to meet people through mutual friends. Going to social events is a good way to get introduced to people, and then those people can introduce you to even more people...it's networking that will help you meet somebody you're interested in.
I think the natural progression is finding something you have in common- talking about it, laughing together, and then suggesting you do said mutual interest together. Then, you get to know each other, open up a bit more, and see if you'd like to do it again. In my own experience, physical...interactions...have usually been 2 weeks after meeting. My current partner and I started off as a one night stand, so there's that too. |
Re: Your Thoughts On Dating
How do you find people to date?
I tend to meet people either online on dating sites or through friends. I meet a lot of new people through my friend circle, so I often make new acquaintances. Some of those people have dating potential. For the most part, though, I meet people to date online. What's the natural progression? I usually start with coffee or lunch/dinner. If things go well, I'm open to taking it to a higher level. We may go to a movie or spend time doing things other than just food. Essentially, if I like them I will want to spend more time with them. When do things start to get physical? I'm not ashamed to say I'm in the dating game to get laid. If I like someone and there's physical attraction I'm open to having sex with them, including on the first date. I don't usually have sex until the second date so we get more of a chance to talk about safety beforehand, but if I have done so on the first date before. |
Re: Your Thoughts On Dating
How do you find people to date?
Like the others have said, it depends where you go, where you spend your time. A lot of people I know have met dates through Tinder (I'm not a fan myself.) But I guess for me it's been bars, and through friends. What's the natural progression? I like to go for drinks for the first one, although recently I got a little tipsier than I meant to on a first date so I am rethinking that strategy... other people's ideas of coffee etc are good too. Personally I don't like eating in front of people I don't know so I'd leave that til the second or third date. Movies should be avoided for the first date because you come out of the cinema not really knowing the person any better than when you went in. I have a friend who always plans for drinks and then a nightclub on her dates. When do things start to get physical? This really, really, really depends. If you want to, there's nothing wrong with going home with them on a first date. If I realise I really like the person and can see it going somewhere, I really enjoy taking it slowly - and sometimes I don't want to take it slowly at all. Best just to let things happen naturally :) |
Re: Your Thoughts On Dating
How do you find people to date? For me, I only ever met people through school or through online sites like facebook and myyearbook. But if you are going to meet people online, of course follow all the precautions even if they seem stupid and unnecessary. Also, I don't know if you are in college or anything, but I think that's a great place to meet new people. You already have something in common as a conversation starter. But honestly, most of the time, I meet people when I don't want to. Whenever I wanted to be in a relationship, I couldn't meet anyone who felt "right". Whenever you just go with the flow and be yourself, you end up finding the right people. I don't know, the universe just works that way :p... What is the natural progression? Well normally, we meet. We will share our phone numbers with each other. and usually we start texting soon after that. Maybe a week or two later, we make plans to meet up and see a movie. If that goes well, next week we have dinner or something to get to know each other face to face. Then we just see where it all goes from there. There is no need to rush anything. When do things get physical? This is a touchy subject for me so i'll keep it short. You both need to understand what you are comfortable with. If you both are having a great time and think that 2nd date is good, then go with that. If you want to take it slower and wait 6 months in, that is perfectly fine too. If one person is pressuring the other to do it sooner, then the relationship is no longer worth it in my mind. |
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