Ideas on how to help my girlfriend mature?

[SirKamyk]

We're both 18, been going out for about two years now. We've had many problems but it seems we've overcome them all so far.

But anywho, she's adorable. Part of this adorableness stems from her being so...child-like. I mean, in terms of being responsible and all she's a normal 18 year old, she's independent enough and all. Buuutttt when it comes to relationships and this relationship, she's very...immature in a way.

For example, she doesn't like to make out. For the longest time she wouldn't tell me why, but when we were talking recently and she was in a flirty mood she told me it's because she enjoys it a bit too much and it feels wrong to her that she should be enjoying a physical, sexual action that much.
Even if we cuddle and, you know, my hands start wandering a bit, she won't have any of it because even though she enjoys it in one way, she really doesn't in another way. She's the kind of person that has never seen porn in her life, and doesn't want to. In fact, I only explained sex to her a few months back, as before that she didn't know anything apart from what the science lessons in reproduction had taught us (penis goes in the vagina, basically).
I guess this kind of maturity comes with age, right? But it just seems like she's a bit behind...and I sometimes can get quite frustrated by it. I understand not wanting to have sex until we're married, and to an extent, I even agree with that. But we're 18...surely some fooling around would be normal, expected even? We do kiss, but it's usually just a kiss on the lips as a goodbye, unless she's feeling flirty, in which case sometimes we'll kiss a couple more times, but for not longer than half a second per kiss, so as not to get drawn in, if that makes sense.

I've talked to her about this and while it's not a relationship-breaking issue, I think if she got over this barrier the relationship would be less frustrating and happier. But she doesn't know how to change and doesn't know how long it will take her to change.

So here I am, asking you gals and guys for advice. Any ideas about how I can help her overcome this and start enjoying sexual contact? Or do I just have to wait for her to mature more? How long do you think it will take for her to mature? Thanks in advance for replies

[Rivière]

From my perspective it's not that she's 'immature' but that she's just simply not ready to progress any further. Your expectations in a relationship may be quite different from hers and I think this is something you could address with her. I understand that it's frustrating that you've both been together for around 2 years and barely any prolonged kissing has happened but remember, everyone's different and we each have different expectations and limitations. There may be a very good reason why she doesn't want to engage in anything sexual or it could just be that she has a low libido.

Many of us get times where we our libido is really high and sometimes we can 'get caught up in the moment' but from my perspective, if she doesn't want to make out with you because it 'feels wrong' that she's enjoying it, then I think there's an issue here. Perhaps sometime you can ask her about this and see what's the real issue? Understandably she doesn't want sex until marriage but maybe she fears if you both make out, hands will wander and it could lead to sex which is something she's against until marriage?

Talk to her about what her real issue is and from there maybe you can establish some rules and proper boundaries. If she's not fully explaining herself and you haven't told her how you're feeling, you're going to be stuck in a loop.

[TheGuyinCanada]

Hello,
it appears your partner does not find that having intercourse is important in a relationship. Your partner has other ideas in mind. However, she may be horny one day and then you will have your chance. Best of luck

[SirKamyk]

Thanks for the responses guys. I'll talk to her about it again and try to get more information. Still, this isn't a relationship breaking issue so there's no rush I guess