My boyfriend's friends upset me?

[Elle_94]

Hi

My boyfriend and I have been dating for three months and we're really nuts about each other. It's a long distance relationship, we live 60 miles apart and although it's not really a problem, we get around it and still manage to see eachother for a couple of days each week, his friends aren't convinced that its possible for us to keep seeing each other.

The one problem that we do have when it comes to the distance is that as we're both still at college, we have to do ALL our assignments and coursework during the week, if we want to see each other at the weekend, which is stressful and it means longer days for us. But its something we're both willing to do so that we can see each other. I'm very dedicated with my college work and I always put it first, I'm very ambitious and I've always swoen to myself that I'd never let a relationship prevent me from achieving.

Yesterday, two of his friends at college told him he should break up with me because he'll have to chose between me and his career soon enough, and although none of his other friends said anything, they didn't defend him. It really upsets me to think that his friends think that of us/me. There's other things that I don't really like about them either, they all seem incredibly immature and I don't really think it has a good influence on him sometimes. Most of them drink heavily too which I'm really against.

Am I over re-acting? What should I do?

[anonymouswhale]

Nope, you're not overreacting.

His buddies probably aren't able to understand how he works very hard during the week and then sees you on the weekend. Maybe he doesn't hang out with them/party with them as much as they'd like.

It's totally possible to do a long-distance relationship. It's great that you are willing to put your studies first during the week and then enjoy reward your dedication by seeing your boyfriend.

How about you ask your boyfriend how he feels about his friends saying that?

[Always *]

You have a right to be upset - it's not fair for his friends to think that if he keeps dating you then he'll have to choose between his career and.... not his career.



Also, random tangent that I just want to throw in; I can tell I am Canadian and most people here are American because when ever you guys talk about long distance relationships you say that it's "60 miles away" or what ever, whereas when I talk about it I say that my boyfriend lives "1 hour and 15 minutes away"... My point being that Canadians always think about distance in the time it takes to get there, not the physical distance. Like no one ever talks about how something is 113 kilometres away (which is about 70 miles), a distance which takes a little over an hour. Plus I grew up on the border, so I can automatically convert miles and kilometres but I don't automatically know how to convert distance to time if it is in miles lol, funny right



OK so, sorry for the tangent. I just want to say that if you guys are in a healthy relationship then neither of you will have your careers affected. I am also in a long distance relationship (just refer back to my tangent about the time/distance conversion and you can find out how far my boyfriend lives). We can only see each other on the weekends just like you, because he works full time and I am in an extremely demanding, full time, post graduate program (legit I pretty much work from the moment I wake up to the moment i go to sleep unless i am procrastinating by eating, exercising, or typing these messages to you wonderful people on TeenHelp). Ok so, why do I know it won't affect our careers? Because we both work in the business world, my boyfriend is an accountant and I am currently in school for marketing, we can literally live anywhere and everyone needs people to count money and promote their stuff, it's not that complicated.... The biggest thing for me is that we don't necessarily agree on where to live.

I think 2 adults should be able to balance their careers and love lives, it's really no different than working out school and love life. You just have to communicate and realize that you have to make sure you are pursuing your career so you can't spend 24/7 in bed if you have to be answering emails, going to meetings, or interviews etc.

Like because of the field i am in I am ALREADY answering probably 20 emails a day, I am already in meetings all the time, I always have to contact the media and coordinate with my people, I am constantly online managing websites, social media accounts etc.... And that is something that people consider rude and Im like "ok, sorry, but that's my fucking job, like let it go". I think it would be a serious problem if I was in a relationship with someone who didn't understand the demands of my job (ex. having a conference call at 7 pm isn't ideal, but that's just how shit works).

If your partner is a doctor you'd have to be understanding to nurses and such calling about patients, or your partner having to leave in the middle of a meal due to an emergency at the hospital.

A teacher might have to grade essays while you guys are watching television.

The list goes on

I think every careeer has it's demands and either a partner respects and supports their partner in their career or they don't. As long as you guys support each other it will be ok. I don't think your mere existence means he has to choose, because otherwise no one would be married. You just can't sit in bed all day because you have other responsibilities.

I am sorry his friends are being like this. They probably just lack perspective. A lot of people who are not in serious relationships (or a relationship at all) are still very "me" oriented, they haven't considered how to include partners, children, etc. into their lives. It usually comes with maturity, but other times it doesn't.

I don't know if you can really do anything about it. Your boyfriends needs to defend you and tell them they are wrong, but at the end of the day, as long as your boyfriend doesn't want to end the relationship then it will be ok. Just talk to him and try not to let it get to you.