My girlfriend self harms

[Green Yoshi]

but i think that this too will change. i think that she should do happier and more positive things and i know that you can help her through this. cuts are painful.

first kisssssssss Thats so nice

[hocus pocus]

Originally Posted by Ocad91

Yes, thank you. I'm just really worried about the reaction. Will they attribute her self harming to mine? I don't know...it just scared me, after they have have built this angelic image of her, and she is my angel and it all come crashing now on them

Emma's parents do know about her self harming, her dad wants to get her as much help as he can, her dad is an amazing father, whilst her mom is one of the factors for it...

I was on her phone today, looking though her pictures which she let's me do. I saw one of fresh cuts. All in a row, the dots of blood on the cuts as well as the crimson lines...it's heartbreaking, and there was a couple of those pictures. I am aware that friends of hers ask for photos to get an idea of how bad the cuts are. And I have seen bad ones, of course it's bad in general, but the worser ones...my god

We've had a good few run of days I believe I had my first kiss with her today and I've never felt anymore in love :')

I'm in love!

It's a possibility, but you can always calmly explain to them that your girlfriend's struggles don't influence yours. You could give reasons as to why you self-harm and why your girlfriend does if that helps them at all.

If her father is supportive of her, I suggest encouraging her to confide in him; especially because he is an adult in the situation and he can get her to see a professional. It's important for her to know what her triggers are and if her mom is one of those, she can work through or avoid the things her mom does to upset her. See if you can encourage her to keep a blog or journal so she can healthily cope with her feelings. I'm not sure if it's been mentioned but you can refer her to TeenHelp as well!

I'm glad you've had a good few days.

[ElectricWizard]

Had an ok day today, nearly a week of good days! She had urges last night and this morning, but I think she has got rid of her blades. When he sees her dad on the weekend, I have absolutely nothing to worry about!

I did tell her about joining a forum, but she is scared of the idea, as she is scared of opening up to groups of people, and he father has booked her a CAMHS appointment which is good but really brings out emma'a inner demons.. But it will help, somehow.

Thank you all for the support, I'll start posting less, until something happens and I believe I really need you guys, I love you all! Thank you

Everything is going to well in its own little distinct way!

[ElectricWizard]

Maybe things really aren't ok, what if all this is just a front? Had an ok day today...

[hocus pocus]

It's good that she got rid of her blades, that's a big step! I can understand her fear of opening up in front of others, but TeenHelp is a judge free zone filled with some amazing people who would love to help her! If she doesn't want to join, maybe you can show her the alternatives thread and the hotlines so she has some resources to refer to.

It is very nice of you to support your girlfriend through all of this, however, remember to take extra good care of yourself as well. It's important for you to address your own feelings and reach out for help if you need it.

[ElectricWizard]

Thank you! Thank you all. I don't know whether she has gotten rid of her blades completely, or she has moved the location of them...luge first and hopefully last time I'll see them was at her nan's house in a small box, I didn't take them off of her, it's at the point where it's almost taking her oxygen away :/ as blunt as it sounds. She has blades of hers dotted around her area in different locations, one I know by a lake, but thankfully, a friend of hers, threw them into the lake I know she has used a utility knife which has been taken away from her, hair grips so that she wouldn't go deep and I assume she has some how acquired shaving blades.

Last night she went through an urge, we're talking about it now. She says if she did have something, she wouldn't of padded it, I'm assuming that she places paper or something over it so that the cut isn't deep? I don't know :/

I've proposed an idea, if she draws a animal on her arm each day she doesn't self harm, she might just beat it for a couple of days. If she cuts, the animal dies and she has to change the animal and start again. Could this help?

I've told her ill be there though anything, I'm not gonna let her slip away, and I'm getting pretty emotional now, because I know she's still in pain. I'm the sort who wants to scream the the heavens 'why have you done this to my baby girl?' And I don't believe in god, but Emma is my angel....

[Green Yoshi]

but i know that she deserves better than to harm herself. that idea can help.. but it can also backfire. i understand that you care for her. You are a really special boyfriend. And i hope you know that there's a lot of people out there who want to have the positive qualities you have.

i think you're her angel as well.

[hocus pocus]

I understand what you mean. Actually, in my opinion is it better to not take tools away because if someone is set on harming themselves, they will find something to use and it could potentially be more harmful or unsanitary than their current tools. However, moving them to different places such as a highly traveled place is a good idea because then your girlfriend will have to walk by a lot of distractions first.

That sounds like a good alternative! Don't be disappointed if it doesn't work at first as different alternatives work for different people. Maybe you can have a discussion with her to see what alternatives she would like best such as doing something physical (exercising) doing something with the same sensation (painting her nails red, holding ice), or any other kind of alternative she may be interested in.

It's normal to feel an abundance of emotions but you're doing a great job with being supportive.

[ElectricWizard]

Thank you both, I'm sorry for my bad English, I assure you I have better English than this, it's come to the point where I'm tired out by many sleepless nights and its caused my awareness to drop, and it's affecting my English because I'm that tired!

I was able to make a great morning for her despite our earlier talks, and she's getting a dress now for her birthday party rare occasion.

I don't know if I should of some how taken them from her, chasing her into the bathroom, cornering her, only to give her a hug and tell her 'you don't need them. Not now, not ever' pained me, because I just knew what it was without looking. Then, she tried to slip them into her pocket, but I caught her...I only delayed it, because later that night she cut, and told me to leave her alone, and then I felt useless, the next day, she was depressed and just wanted to cry...and I the school library, as she sat behind me with a group of friends, I writ to her, because I didn't know what to do.

Whether I took them away or not, she would be hurt.

She wanted me to take them away from her at one point, she wants to stop.

I'm so glad I have you guys, and the friends I have, your support is amazing.

She has found alternatives, like holding ice, cutting up paper, cold showers, exercise, but she rarely uses them.

The pictures I saw...I just want to see her now, I know she's having a good time, but those pictures make me want to be with her more. I want to hold her, protect her from all of the things I've already endured, I want to show her what this life has in store for her. I'll alway love her, no matter what.

[Green Yoshi]

i think that you can help her overcome everything. but i know that you can help her. She's just went through a lot, but i get the feeling that too will pass soon.

I am not that amazing, really. she's just experiencing a lot of frustrating thoughts due to what happened in her past, and i think that there's a lot of pent-up rage in her.

but i reassure you that you're helping her go in the right direction.

[ElectricWizard]

Today has been great. It's been special. She's been really happy with her dad today. Her dad treated her to a haircut, new docs and a dress and she looks just amazing in the dress so cute! About an hour ago, her dad sent me a picture of her sleeping haha! She's my sleeping beauty, that's all I thought when I saw that picture. She so beautiful, sometimes I think, is this true love? There's nothing I wouldn't do for her. I keep saying it :/ she's just amazing. I think I will soon be over..I love her so much! And It just makes me happy and emotional haha!
Thank you guys, I'm sorry if Its annoying how I sit back and talk about her like this, I want you all to know we're getting on positively, I think I'm in love!

[Forging Galaxies]

I think it's an amazing thing that you're doing for her, she sure is lucky to have someone who's very loving to her and who adores her.

Just keep up the good work and I'm sure you two will turn out great.

[ElectricWizard]

She's a lucid dreamer. She's been able to change these bad dreams she's having and so far so good she's beating the dreams, and sometimes they're knocking her back, like now, but it thing she'll be ok! Drew her first animal today, one day! Maybe more! I'm drawing her an animal, just for support!

Thank you guys!

[ElectricWizard]

The dreams are coming back :/ more sleepless nights! She can't sleep! She refuses to! And she'll be triggered if I leave her alone for the night...

She's written to me, I have a feeling of excitement and anxiousness at the same time...will it be positive, will it be negative? Let's hope it's positive!

[Green Yoshi]

i hope that its good too.

i know that are looking up. you and her can overcome any setback together.

[ElectricWizard]

She came out, she's bisexual.

[ElectricWizard]

So she says to me, you know I love you no matter what? And I don't want you to be worrying, I can't say it, I'm bisexual. First of all, there's nothing wrong with her being bisexual, I love the idea that she has gathered the strength and courage to tell me, but she told her gay friend 3 weeks prior. And to be honest, I'm a little hurt it was sudden, unexpected. I support LGBT, but when this happens it's heartbreaking...I'm a pawn.

I told my parents about her self harming today...

She felt triggered and suicidal earlier...it's all gone to shit

[Forging Galaxies]

Okay, first of all... I don't think she was using you as a pawn in any way. Remember, she built this courage up so she can tell you she's bi-sexual. She may have told her gay friend because it might be easier to reveal the part of herself consider he's "gay" (so he's automatically in the LGBT community which might be why she's told him first) and she feels maybe he'll understand pretty quickly than you if I'm... reading this right.

If your parents are "against" the idea of the person self-harming, try and explain it with facts assuming you know why people self harm.

Other than that, just support her the best you can
You are doing a good job.

[Green Yoshi]

i can tell that you're doing a good job. And ... i know a lot of people can be shy about revealing it.

i know that its tough, but the main struggle for her is to overcome all the negative feelings and be happy.

You are doing a very good job of accomplishing that.

[ElectricWizard]

She cut yesterday, but it wasn't bad, I saw her, and followed her into the library before I could start to wonder where she was, I was glad I saw her she seemed ok after that...a sweet teacher was able to cheer her up

My parents, of course they are against the self harming. I broke down when I told them, I cried so much. And they still don't understand. The meaning of this girl's life to me is just unbelievable. I care for her and all they think about is me. Of course, typical parental behaviour, but they need to understand, a life means much more to me than a grade on a piece of paper. So lost in their little worlds, they'll never feel.

The bisexual thing has affected everyone. Some believe I'm a fool, some beloved I have strength. But I support her no matter what I love her and it doesn't change a thing! Tomorrow i'll have been with her for 4 months! This will continue no matter what. We had a great romantic hour and a half and I turned to her, and stared her in the eyes and just said you're eyes, they're amazing...

[ElectricWizard]

So here's my little mini story of what happened today and yesterday. A friend of mine pulled me aside, it's obvious that he likes emma too, and that he knows about her bisexuality and he's making a big deal out of it. And he says to me, he thinks I can't take anymore pain, and it won't end well, and due to her bisexuality, she'll leave me for her gay friend or another guy. He thought I should leave her before I get into anymore pain. I've felt differently recently :/ I think I'm coming to terms with it, but I'll be fine. Emma went berserk, he friend also, I caused so much when I told them. But it upset me as we'll as them. I'm an easily convinced person sometimes, I thought she would leave me, because of her being distant recently. so I went into the library and sat there, I felt numb, I didn't feel in love, she came up, but only to see her friend, she saw me though and checked on me. The rest of the day was pretty mellow, and I felt in love by the end of it!

In the last 24 hours, I've had 3 panic attacks. I don't want to make this much about me, but each night I have my phone by my side, incase anybody messages me and needs help, whoever the person is. Anyway, they take the phone away, so people can't message me if they need me :/ that night, I was able to talk to Emma using my iPod, I dropped off on accident, missed a couple of messages in the early hours, I felt guilty about it. But that night, I yanked at my hair, I punched myself, which is a form of self harm. I needed to know whether she was ok, I need to slow it down I know, take it easy, but I just lost it. For the first time in weeks, I felt triggered, I had urges. The second panic attack was in maths. My stomach was in knots, my chest was tight, I couldn't stop shaking. And that panic attack happened because of a she loves me/she loves me not phase. Third time was only a few hours ago, my parents made me have it, they took my phone off me again...

I realise I have problems too, I need help, and I need to stay strong for Emma, the one I love...

[Green Yoshi]

im sorry that times are tough. I think that you need to talk to your parents about how you need the phone. and i think that they need to understand that you're going through a lot. I think that she's being distant from you because she thinks that she might be bringing you down, but we all know thats not the case. I know that no matter what happens, things are going to get better.

you can rant to me anytime you wanna talk to someone. i'll always be around. If you want a friend, i'm here too

[ElectricWizard]

Im so sorry for my bad english again, im completely exhausted, my english is usually amazing but I'm just so tired. This week has been tough for me, for her not so much. She has cut twice this week. She's stopping! But I'm having constant panic attacks. Emma cut last night, second time this week because of 4 panic attacks in the day and seeing her mum the next. But tonight, everything will get better. The party is here and her birthday is tomorrow! Happy birthday baby! I love her, on Thursday I never felt so in love, Thursday was our fourth anniversary! Still going on strong!

My parents will never understand, the meaning of a life is far greater than a exam paper...

[Green Yoshi]

just don't let the stress get to you.. and remember that you should be allowed to be who you are. enjoy your individuality!

and i hope that your girlfriend enjoys a nice birthday You too!

[ElectricWizard]

I don't know what the hell happened yesterday. It all started at my friends house, we walked to his friends house and she had some booze to take to the party. Only 4 cans of strongbow and a bottle of vodka. I'm never the one to drink and drink and drink. I do get drunk though, I know my stopping point. So we smuggled the booze and went to the party. As we entered, emma entered as well. She had 3 cans of carling. So we needed and greeted with other people, then I asked for a can of strongbow, downed it fairly quickly, had various bits and bobs after but no vodka, I'll never have vodka. Emma's dad pulled me aside and asked me to calm it down and I did, I don't drink much after that. But Emma got really drunk. I sat next to her and she said 'kiss me' and so I kissed her, she's never been like this before, not the emma I know. And so I lie my head down in her lap and she kisses me. I was really down. A friend looked after me, he's amazing and I can't thank him enough. But emma had no time to consult to her drunken boyfriend, she'd rather dance and drunkenly talk to others. At one point, she took me outside to this dark alleyway. I sobered up quite well by then, but she was still downing the drinks. She hugged me and I kissed her and embarrassingly took a selfie with her. She said various drum ken remarks like 'that chair is staring at me' and 'sorry I've let you down' and finally, before this little moment ended 'what if my dad thinks we're having sex? Who has sex? It's horrible' she was so drunk and it probably added to how down in was. I didn't want to go home, I felt like running out of the party venue and at one point I just walked off and luckily 2 friends followed me and pulled me back in. I wanted to cut or at least do something, so I twiddled and twiddled at my hair...at one point, I didn't drunk at all, I was straight edge and I quit it. I didn't feel loved last night, I didn't feel cared about, but I was and I just don't realise it. Life sucks. Nobody cares, I'm sick and tired of running after everybody constantly, and nobody runs for me...

[Green Yoshi]

Dont worry too much its just that when people are drunk, their feelings sorta get mixed up and they give mixed signals. She was probably drunk to the point where she sorta lost her self of conscience.

And i get the feeling that she wanted you to rest. Thats why she didn't disturb you while you were drunk, but i can tell that she likes you a lot.

Just relax and remember, there are good days and bad days. Yesterday was just probably one of the days where everything went out of hand.

Things are looking up. Don't think negatively because i can see that its only going to get better.

[ElectricWizard]

Dude, that's probably the best thing somebody has said to me today, things are looking up, I just need to get through this preassure I'm going though, hopefully I can get myself back on track, return to my old self and I'll be able to be normal around Emma again. I just could use somebody...

[crotia]

Hey,
with more people like you the world would be a better place and you probably really help her with this.
But be wise and make sure you take care of yourself. If you are worn out at some point you can't help anymore and your only 15.

[ElectricWizard]

I realise drunkeness is never a good thing. But she seemed really happen when she was drunk. I wish I wasn't so tense last night. Get drunk, have fun, laugh, joke, dance, deal with a hangover in the morning. Maybe the sight of my drunken girlfriend just pissed off. Why is there only pain?

She's with her mom, having a meal, I'm not ruining her day. With her, I just light up, is this a sign? What if she's the root of all my happiness?

[ElectricWizard]

I ruin everything. Walked out on parents, told Emma. Happy birthday baby, I love you

[Green Yoshi]

just apologize to them later. i just think that you've a lot of messed up emotions at this point. Just remember to apologize and that mistakes happen. Don't blame yourself.

things will get better still. i promise you that.

[ElectricWizard]

She wants some time off. Something changed yesterday. A family friend died and she's had a change in mind. So we're having a break from the relationship for a couple of days. She needs space and she isn't talking to me. And I'm feeling in love and I'm not doing the right thing, she hates the romance. What do I do right? I feel like I'm just a friend :/ I want to feel love from her again but I feel in love. It's not real, it never was. I'm so confused, I'm no longer running after her, if she really does love me, she'll come for me. I'm getting panic attacks not hearing from her! Arrrgh! It's a crucial point and I feel we won't last much longer...

I'm sorry this turned into couple's therepy :/

[ElectricWizard]

Wow, how everything changes, she wants me back I feel back to normal, although she still feels bad, I'm glad I'm with her. Now it's time to get back In form, ignore exams, we're keeping this girl alive, thank you guys for the endless support, I feel rejuvenated

[ElectricWizard]

It's going to get better. She's going to get help. I just any her to be ok. She still feels like dying, but everything is normal for me and it's time for me to be as supportive as ever!

[ElectricWizard]

It's going to get better. She's going to get help. I just any her to be ok. She still feels like dying, but everything will be fine i know it, and it's time for me to be as supportive as ever!

[Forging Galaxies]

That's good, now that it's established she's gonna get help. I think things for her will get better. I'm sure she's grateful for your support and love though.

Keep the good work up.

[Green Yoshi]

people's feelings can create a mix of actions that are very hard to predict and decipher. But a lot of the times when people start acting out of character, they're just trying to figure out the right course of action to take . i'm glad that things are okay!

[ElectricWizard]

Things have been slow. She's had urges, but she's overcoming them. We went to a concert together last night, it was great, she really enjoyed it and so did I! Wow! I can be miserable and quiet sometimes, but I'll be ok! She's happy

[hocus pocus]

It's quite admirable for you to support your girlfriend while she is struggling. However, if you're not feeling your best remember that you should seek help as well.

[ElectricWizard]

Yes, thank you for the support! I haven't really felt in love recently, maybe because of the distance between us, but today I reassured myself and I love her so much! We had a school disco today and we danced and stuff, I was tired and miserable until the last half an hour, earlier today wasn't good, I felt pushed away :/ but all is good, and I feel so good, I love her so much, wish I could see her now!

I do need help, and with yours, I can channel some of that support to emma thank you