Dating/Casual Sex - CONFUSED!

[thatonelady]

I've been on and off with this guy for almost one year now. We'd hang out, and we'd basically act like boyfriend/girlfriend. I've been introduced to almost all his friends, and they see us together like we are dating. Our "status" to me is basically a Flirtationship - (More than a friendship less than a relationship) . Anyways, he go sometimes weeks without talking to me, or he flakes on me a lot, but act like nothing is wrong... I lost my virginity to him two months ago, and he was great through the whole experience. After this we hung out a couple times, and then completly stopped talking. I did or might even still have feelings for him, because I sometimes feel attached to him. I can go without being with him ALL the time, but I know if he get's another girl, or is with someone else it's going to break my heart. I dont' know about the girls he's been with or if Im the only one he's been sleeping with..

Last night he invited me to his friends party, and we ended up fooling around, and he passed out from being so drunk. He texted me the next day apologizing for some of his actions and invited me over to make it up to me. We watched movies/talked and then had sex, about 3 times. lol. We'd just cuddle and watched tv together til I went home.

I can admit I do feel like he's been leading me on for a while, but I don't have the balls to call him out on it. I hate conflict, and I know if we become "Friends with Benefits" one of us is going to get hurt AKA, me. I don't understand what he wants. He's a great guy when we're together and understanding and we act like we're dating in plublic when we're together. But, I can't help but feel I'm going to get really attached to him. I'm confused because I would love to have a serious relationship with him but I doubt he wants that.

How should I talk to him about this? & If he does want to be friends with benefits, I don't. What should I say or do?

[alley]

Ive been in this situation myself and honestly the best thing to do is just ask him whats going on. its going to clear things up for you and let him know that he cant just lead you on.

It sounds to me like you two are already in a "friends with benefits" situation. You two are friends who have sex on occasion, but there is no confirmed commitment to one another exclusively; it sounds like you two have never talked about dating or your status. Just because it seems like you are dating does not mean you are. That's something that needs to be explicitly talked about, even though it can be a hard topic.

You seem to have found yourself in a tough situation: you're having casual sex with this guy, but you want more with him. From the sound of it he, however, does not want more with you. The only way to resolve this issue is to talk with him about it and see if you stand. If your wants and expectations don't match up, though, it's not fair to try and continue the relationship. You will most likely never feel satisfied, for sex does not substitute romantic connection and you will always be more invested than him. I would suggest that, if it turns out you want different things, to end your sexual relationship. It might be painful, since you have such a special connection to him, but in the long run it is what's fair to both of you.

[Pandalover2506]

You should really talk to him about it cause he might not even fully be thinking through what he is doing but if you bring it to his attention he might be able to understand more and fix what he is doing. It can also prevent you from getting more hurt in the future.

[taylalatbh.]

It seems like it already is a friends with benefits situation. He clearly sees you as someone he can spend time with and fool around with and have none of the responsibilities that goes along with a relationship. If this is not what you want then you need to speak to him about it. You said that you would be upset if he found someone else, so that says to me that you want to be with him.

No matter how difficult confronting him and having the conversation is, you should do it. Otherwise you're going to end up getting hurt, and you must know that. You should find out what he thinks about the situation, and whether he wants something more too.

If he doesn't, then I would advise that you end the relations that you have with him. There will come a time where he finds someone else and he'll drop you like a hat and it'll be very upsetting for you. Sounds like you want to be dating someone, not just 'used' as and when he wants.

Have a conversation about it. That's the only way to resolve the situation.