Borderline Girlfriend?

[Dream]

So I think my girlfriend might be borderline, but I don't know. In any case, how she acts sometimes is really damaging to our relationship and my psyche. I need advice on how to deal with this. I'll try to summarize what she does:

-Most of the time, she completely idealizes me. She thinks I'm the best, nicest person ever. Then sometimes she'll become very angry or upset, and she will criticize and insult me. There is never really any in between where she treats me normally.

-She is impulsive. She has ended friendships, left a job, and broken up with me on impulse (obviously we got back together). She also used to shop impulsively. She has spent over $1000 on purses and has a closet full of them (literally).

-I've never seen her self-harm or threaten suicide, but I know in the past she almost committed suicide before someone talked her out of it. She did say that she might as well die if we broke up, but I'm not sure how serious she was.

-She often has mood swings. Also, any little thing can set her off. Like, if someone is rude to her, she will rant about it for hours or even days.

-She sometimes becomes paranoid to the point where she loses touch with reality. She once went into a rage and accused me of wanting to cheat on her with her sister even though I had absolutely no intention or desire to and was not flirting with her sister at all.

-She is extremely clingy, and she will often guilt trip me to try to get me to pay more attention to her. I do spent a lot a time with her already.

-She is always paranoid about me leaving her, and she often takes things I do as a sign that I don't love her even though I do.

I don't know how to talk to her about any of this stuff since usually our conversations on these issues turn into fights. I do love her and would like to stay with her, but it seems like her insecure belief that I don't want to be with her or really love her is making it difficult for me to see a future together with her (ironically). I've tried reassuring her a thousand times, tried to show her, but it does no good I guess. Every few weeks or so, something will happen (or sometimes out of the blue) where she becomes very upset or angry with me. I've tried being as nice as I possibly can to her and have the best of intentions.

[Broken Constellation]

Maybe talk to her family to see if she can get help. There is obviously something going on that may be serious. She needs to realize that if she wants the relationship to work, she needs to listen to you. Her saying that she might as well die is not healthy in a relationship, and I'd advise you to be careful with what you do/say, especially since you don't know if she was serious or not. Consider having her see a counselor, if she's not willing to talk to you about these problems. In my opinion, when someone is clingy in a relationship, it means they have some sort of self-esteem issues. And if she wont see a counselor, maybe you should. I'm not saying you have any problems, but seeking professional advice on how to deal with this may be a good idea, if nothing else seems to work.

Hope this helps

[Pirouette]

I agree with Mads, maybe talk to some of her close friends and family about the way she acts around you. She seems very insecure for a reason and the impulsiveness(especially the shopping one) sounds like she's trying to cope with something serious whether it be overcoming suicidal thoughts or self-harm or something in the past. I would also recommend talking to a counselor about this too and seeing if they could help her in any way. From what you said, this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship and it could turn into something worse if stuff like this keeps going on. Be careful and definitely talk to someone about this who could also talk to her and help her overcome whatever it is that she is going through. Hope this helps and wish you all the very best!

[ElsatheDepressionSlayer]

As a random stranger on the internet, I obviously can't diagnose your girlfriend. But it sounds to me like she is borderline. All the things you described fit with BPD, and I've had a close friend who was borderline and acted in many of the same ways.

Talk to her. Don't confront her and ask, "are you borderline?" or anything like that. But be kind when you bring the subject up. Borderline or not, your girlfriend, DEFINITELY needs therapy, and you should encourage her to seek help. I hate to put it in such bleak terms, but if she refuses to get help, your relationship is basically doomed. I went through it with my former friend: our friendship was very unhealthy and I finally had to leave for my own sanity. I found out later that she has BPD, which explains the behaviors that pushed me away. As much as you love your girlfriend, she is not a healthy person for you to be around if she continues these behaviors and refuses to change.

I hope she gets help and things smooth out for you two. However, if it gets to the point where you need to leave, do so. If she causes more harm than good in your life, she is not a healthy person to be around, and you may need to leave for your own wellbeing.