Online dating... Can't keep up

[Always *]

Ok so you'll notice the other day I made a post. I decided to try online dating but I swear to god I have like 10 guys messaging me a day since I signed up. 3-4 of them seem pretty cool and one of those guys I have since started texting. A 5th guy seemed interesting until he insisted on getting my cell number a little to hard (it was just awkwardly put for me, but he probably didn't mean for it to be that way,, it just put me ff a little bit.

I don't know how to keep up. I can't spend 24/7 trying to keep up with these messages, but I am also determined to keep up with them because I am feeling ready for meeting guys and I've had no luck with meeting them in "real life"... So I would love tips on how I can keep up and be polite, shoe interest etc without it taking over my time.

Also another thing is that I don't really now how to transition from place to place and ow many guys I can reasonably talk to? If one guy seems cool but definitely isn't my type should I stop communicating with him even if we could be friends? If you talk to a guy for quite a while but it starts going somewhere with another, what then? I guess no one wants to be " just friends" here but why would I turn down a friendship?

[PureStorm]

Yo,

what you experience are the dating dynamics. As a woman, you get spammed with messages, while as a man you can be happy if you get one response mail every now and then.
Since women's inbox get clustered rather quickly, they often just skim through the messages and delete most without responding, especially those women who are only registered there to get validation and attention. This leads to many men not bothering to write much of a creative first mail since it's likely to just be thrown in the trash anyway if they don't look good enough.
But there are also men who might send you rude mails, being very sexual from the beginning and so on...don't let that put you down. Enough idiots on both sides...

OK, that's not directly my experience. I'm not into online dating. I have numerous friends who are, and also spent some hours being right next to some of them while they were trying to find a date (they asked for advice).

So the point is, if you receive too many messages to handle, you need to get those priorities straight. It's really great if you want to at least tell them if you're not interested instead of ignoring them, but yeah all that can eat up your time. You have the choice to either do it like most women and just delete all messages that aren't extremely interesting to you (but you're gonna miss out on chances if you do), or maybe some of the following:

1) End communication by telling them you're not interested if you are not. Don't reply to possible follow up mails
2) Whether you want to "become friends" with them depends on if you see them as friend material, and if you got the impression that they're also looking for friendship. Maybe tell them you see no chance of it becoming something serious, but you'd like to be friends. Some will quit, others might stay.
It's basically priorities...you've gotta know how much time you want to spend. But how you set those priorities, I can't really tell you that.

[Always *]

Lol yeah I can't really help if guys are coming after me and I literally don't have time to answer everything... I have definitely experienced the creepiness though, like this 50-something year old guy messaged me and it was soooo fucking gross like he was like saying how all he wants to do is shower a girl with attention and that he weighs X amount of pounds and that he doesn't want anything serious etc. and I was like ewwwww like it just seemed like he was trying to flaunt himself just to get a younger girl to have sex with him... And no, I don't think being showered with attention is necessarily bad, but it wasn't even like he was interested in chatting and seeing if we are at all compatible, I felt like he wanted me to respond just to be like "yeah, you sound great, let's hook up right the fuck now", so yuck... So I deleted that message, but I feel bad cause some of the other guys are probably ok and I just literally don't have the time to answer everything and some of the guys are a little to forwards right away which makes me uncomfortable, because I don't really know how to respond to that cause I don't automatically pursue a guy that aggressively and I'm like "errrrrr.... hi?" cause I prefer chatting, maybe a little flirting, and seeing if you're interested first. So like a few of the guys have mentioned that I am really pretty after we've talked a little and that I was ok with but when they're saying things like that right away it just seems like a little too forwards, it's like "woah woah woah! slow the fuck down", and I realize that's the nature of online dating and that I can't blame the guy necessarily for approaching it that way and I think if that's all I was getting then I'd probably respond faster but when I have 10 messages sitting there and only have time to respond to 7 I am most likely not to answer the ones who are to aggressive on the get go like that cause it makes me uncomfortable vs. the guys who'd like to just chat and see if we have anything in common before going farther, but I am new to online dating so I feel like given time I'll be more comfortable with how to respond to the guys who approach me in a way that makes me feel a little uncomfortable and hopefully they'll understand and it'll be ok... And I'm good for responding overall, like a few of the guys I've been talking to consistently I am not sure that anything will come of it but they're nice and cool so I'd like to be friends no matter what, so I try to respond to as many people as I can... But it's sooooo hard cause I feel like I have to answer everyone but I legitimately can't so I have to pick and choose some where... But I guess if you are saying it's better to just be blunt and be like "no I'm not interested" right away... But I just figure guys get as many messages as myself so why worry, and like if one of the guys stops answering to me I wouldn't care, I'd just assume I said something and he's like "meh, maybe not" lol

Personally, I have a system when it comes to online dating. As a female in an online dating world it's pretty normal to be flooded with messages. Because I have neither the time nor the interest to sift through a bunch of messages I do a swift look through. If it's "Hi,""Hey," or automatically about sex it's immediately out. If it's less than four sentences I usually won't reply. If those four sentences are incredibly generic and mention nothing specific about what's in my profile/sound like they've been sent to ten other women that day, I don't reply. If we pick up a conversation but they can't get it past a superficial level within several messages, I don't keep the conversation going.

This weeds out a surprising number of generic or "fishing" messages from those people I might be genuinely interested in and attracted to. The best conversations I've found come from people who read your profile, find something interesting about it, and are willing to pick up a good conversation from there. This system may seem harsh, and possibly is, but it's what works for me. AFter all, I'm there to find a really good connection, and want to expedite that as much as possible. So by keeping my goal in mind with every message I read, I'm generally able to keep it down to a manageable number of people I want to keep conversations going with.

I would also suggest really taking your time to get to know these guys before getting into anything serious with one of them, if you're just wanting to meet people. Let them know you aren't looking to pin anything serious down just yet; you're just wanting to get to know people, with no expectations attached. Being upfront about your goals and desires with people is both the polite thing to do and respectful to both of you guys' time and energy. I've met some people from dating sites who turned out to just be great friends this way.

I hope this helps. If there are any other questions you have feel free to ask me.

[PureStorm]

Originally Posted by ~Wallflower~

Lol yeah I can't really help if guys are coming after me and I literally don't have time to answer everything... I have definitely experienced the creepiness though, like this 50-something year old guy messaged me and it was soooo fucking gross like he was like saying how all he wants to do is shower a girl with attention and that he weighs X amount of pounds and that he doesn't want anything serious etc. and I was like ewwwww like it just seemed like he was trying to flaunt himself just to get a younger girl to have sex with him... And no, I don't think being showered with attention is necessarily bad, but it wasn't even like he was interested in chatting and seeing if we are at all compatible, I felt like he wanted me to respond just to be like "yeah, you sound great, let's hook up right the fuck now", so yuck... So I deleted that message, but I feel bad cause some of the other guys are probably ok and I just literally don't have the time to answer everything and some of the guys are a little to forwards right away which makes me uncomfortable, because I don't really know how to respond to that cause I don't automatically pursue a guy that aggressively and I'm like "errrrrr.... hi?" cause I prefer chatting, maybe a little flirting, and seeing if you're interested first. So like a few of the guys have mentioned that I am really pretty after we've talked a little and that I was ok with but when they're saying things like that right away it just seems like a little too forwards, it's like "woah woah woah! slow the fuck down", and I realize that's the nature of online dating and that I can't blame the guy necessarily for approaching it that way and I think if that's all I was getting then I'd probably respond faster but when I have 10 messages sitting there and only have time to respond to 7 I am most likely not to answer the ones who are to aggressive on the get go like that cause it makes me uncomfortable vs. the guys who'd like to just chat and see if we have anything in common before going farther, but I am new to online dating so I feel like given time I'll be more comfortable with how to respond to the guys who approach me in a way that makes me feel a little uncomfortable and hopefully they'll understand and it'll be ok... And I'm good for responding overall, like a few of the guys I've been talking to consistently I am not sure that anything will come of it but they're nice and cool so I'd like to be friends no matter what, so I try to respond to as many people as I can... But it's sooooo hard cause I feel like I have to answer everyone but I legitimately can't so I have to pick and choose some where... But I guess if you are saying it's better to just be blunt and be like "no I'm not interested" right away... But I just figure guys get as many messages as myself so why worry, and like if one of the guys stops answering to me I wouldn't care, I'd just assume I said something and he's like "meh, maybe not" lol

I get what you mean, some of the points I mentioned in my previous posts. A lot of men start online dating and put a lot of effort and time into writing creative messages, just to be ignored by the woman who won't even say she's not interested. That's what happened to two of the guys I coached. All both of us expect is a response if we send a creative message and it is read, even if it is only a "Sorry, not interested". That's completely fine. But getting nothing at all can just be frustrating (so be assured that you have our respect if you take your time to read a message and send a reply, even if it's a rejection. You da real MVP. :') ). It leads to guys putting little to no effort into messages anymore, and often times they just get tired of it and send out sex requests to everyone registered... creepy, but these guys MIGHT have some value which they're just too tired to show. But many of them don't. So I'd say don't bother responding to them.

If you want to know how many messages guys get compared to you, create a guy profile with an average looking guy's pic. Most likely nobody will initiate a conversation with you. You'll have to send out messages en masse hoping for one or two responses. I've seen both ends of the stick, men have it much harder when it comes to dating compared to women. If you're top-notch model-looking guy it's easy, though. But most are not.

But we work what we've been blessed with. Keep on trying, like I tell my buddies.

[Always *]

I actually so initiate, have with a number of guys.
And I know it's harder for men, judging how many guys have complemented my appearance and my very brief profile I am guessing I might even have it easier than other girls even. One of the guys I was talking too seems more like friends material and he asked me how I liked the site so I admitted I found it a little overwhelming to try to keep up and he also said he definitely found the male/female proportions difficult. So I know it's a real thing. Like apparently the thing says I reply "very selectively" which I find surprising cause I have tried so hard to answer as many people as I can as well as initiating conversations.... But if I literally can't sit on my phone 24/7 trying to keep up with 10-15 guys then I can't do much about that. It is what it is and I can't sit around and feel to bad about that. And it's not that I am flat out not interested but if I blink and suddenly have 8 people to answer and don't want to half ass my conversations then some loses out whether they deserve it or not.
It's not a creative effort I mind. It's when they come on sooooo strongly. And I'm like holy shit slow down!

[PureStorm]

Yes, it is what it is. You'll have to shoot some of them off, some of who might be special persons. But yes, you only got so much time. Trust your gut feeling is all I can say, I suppose.

About the initiating - as a woman, you are almost guaranteed a response if you do. Try with a guy profile :P

Originally Posted by ~Wallflower~

It's not a creative effort I mind. It's when they come on sooooo strongly. And I'm like holy shit slow down!

I didnt assume you mind a creative message. But my pal used to be one who wrote really cool messages, and took it slow. Hardly ever got a response (he's not a model). Today he starts it dirty on his very first message, taking maybe 30 seconds to write one or just copy pasting. Couldn't talk him out of it yet. He's simply doing the opposite of what he did before, because what he used to do wasn't rewarding at all (I looked at the messages, they were really well written and gave stuff to talk about). Try to understand why some people are the way they are.

I hope you find who you're looking for