Should I tell an American girl I'm dating that I served the military ?

[Theisraeli89]

I served the IDF , that is the israeli military . This military has a bad image worldwide, they have the same image the Waffen S.S used to have during WWII. An army that kills innocent men , women and children , and even babies. As American girls , would you date a guy who served an army that kills children and babies ? don't you love children ? don't you love babies ? how can you date a guy that killed them , or at least was a part of an army that kills them ?

I mostly lie to people who ask me if I served the criminal IDF , telling them I wasn't recruited for being mentally unstable , and was instead sent to the civilian police to work in an office .

[olive98]

if you don't tell her, is there any chance of her finding out another way?

[MercuryHalo]

Don't lie. A relationship cannot be built on lies.

[stelles]

Definitely tell her. Whether she finds out or not, you can't build a relationship on lies. It's unfair to both or you. If she really likes you for who you are as a person, the fact that you served in the military won't bother her too much, and even if it does, she won't judge you for it. If she breaks up with you because of this, then it probably wasn't worth trying to be in a relationship with her anyway.

[olive98]

but i was told everyone has secrets. mum has kept a secret from me even

[Rivière]

All military factions kill, but who they kill is determined by that single unit, that one person. Just because a military force may have harmed a certain generation of people does not necessarily mean that you have. There comes a point in life where you have to use something known as bending the truth. You tell someone the truth, but you hold back part of that truth. By all means tell your girlfriend that you've served in the military, but hold back what orders you had to carry out.

Originally Posted by olive98

but i was told everyone has secrets. mum has kept a secret from me even

Yes, everyone has secrets, but remember that your mum keeping secrets from you is different than that of someone you are in a relationship with. Your mum has raised you from birth, she has kept secrets to protect you from things as a child, a partner however, has done neither of these things.

Please don't lie to her. You need to be upfront and honest with her. If you served with the good military and she can't even accept that, then she is not a girl you want to be with.

[olive98]

Originally Posted by OnTides

Yes, everyone has secrets, but remember that your mum keeping secrets from you is different than that of someone you are in a relationship with. Your mum has raised you from birth, she has kept secrets to protect you from things as a child, a partner however, has done neither of these things.

am i allowed a secret from mum?

[Always *]

Olive, I think that your question is probably better suited to another post of your own, not to be critical, I just think it's better we focus on the OP's question here

Any how, I don't think it is a big deal, loads of armies do nasty things. The Americans army isn't exactly squeaky clean of having some nasty soldiers too, call it collateral damage or what ever, it's shitty, but it's not like the Israeli army is singularly special in having a few black spots, so why does it matter?

So if I was your girlfriend I would not care in the slightest. In fact, if anything, I'd be pissed off that you thought that was something worth hiding (or at the very least confused about why you'd expect me to care).
For me, if I were your girlfriend, I'd be insulted that you thought I was so shallow and incapable of judging a character correctly that you'd truly believe my opinion would change just because you served in the Israeli army, especially cause you are Israeli, like, hello, service is mandatory, I'd probably be wondering about that any how and just unwilling to ask.

People see scary things during war, sometimes it was committed by the locals (ex. if you are intervening in a civil war or if you are fighting against another country in that country) and sometimes it is by your own people. Sometimes you had to kill people too. If you'd seen active combat I'd just want to know you were ok, especially if you, yourself, had to do something horrible. Like I have heard of women holding a baby and a grenade, and someone had to shoot the women to survive and the baby dies to, I mean, I have no idea if that's a real case, but it's awful.... I've read so man y things about civil wars and stuff, I know what happens during wars, and no army is always spotless... Israel isn't special like that.

I know you are extremely worried about what women think about you being Israeli, and to be honest, I don't think I will ever understand why, I just see it in post, after post, after post. Maybe you've had some bad experiences with people being irrational in someway and judging you, I don't know, but I do hope that with enough experience to show you otherwise you will be able to recover and heal from what ever things happened to you to make you so insecure.