My girlfriend was raped.

[LostInMyLittleBox]

I honestly do not know how to handle this. I want to cry, I want to cut, I want to kill whoever did it to her. She knows. She won't tell me. I don't know what to do in this situation. What do I do for her? What do I do for me?

[hocus pocus]

Hey there.

Firstly, you are a really good boyfriend for being concerned and for wanting to help her.

Was she raped recently? If so, she should go to a gynecologist to get checked out to make sure she's okay physically. Survivors of abuse are associated with feelings of great embarrassment, shame, and feelings of being dirty or impure. She might not be comfortable opening up to you completely about this yet. Just remind her that you're there for her, and encourage her to seek help. Also, look for signs of other affects such as PTSD or self-harm.

When being there for her, remember to take care of yourself too, okay? Take some time out to think and to accept that this happened to your girlfriend. If you're feeling overwhelmed, take a walk or confide in someone you trust so you don't have to bottle this inside.

Let me know if you want to talk.

[LostInMyLittleBox]

I tried offering my help, giving her advice, being there for her.

She won't see anyone. She says if I tell anyone she'll kill herself. She says she "just can't talk" to anyone. I want to help her, but I don't want her harming herself...

I'm really in between a rock and a hard place. This is eating me alive.

[hocus pocus]

It sounds like you're in a really tough spot right now. I'm glad that you're trying to help her, though. Being a survivor myself, I know that it can be very hard to talk about this sometimes. I can understand that you don't want her to harm herself. However, living with the affects of being raped for any amount of time is traumatizing and very dangerous. In the long run, she'll be in a better place mentally if she seeks help. Since she will not see anyone, I think this would be an appropriate time for you to get the help for her. Is there anyone you feel comfortable confiding in? A teacher, counselor, coach, or parent? Your girlfriend will probably be upset; but her life is on the line and she will thank you later on.

Remember to take some time for yourself and confide in someone about your own well-being as also.

Hey there,

I agree that it is important that your girlfriend seek help for this because in the end that is the best way for her to heal from all of this. However, she needs to seek help on her own terms. Right now she isn't ready to get help and forcing her to seek help might do more damage then it will do good. I think the best thing you can do is to continue to support her and talk to her about the benefits of speaking to someone about this. I know right now you feel helpless but supporting her will prove beneficial in the long run.

If she ends up being a danger to herself then you should step in and seek help for her.

[Ashleylovesyou]

I completely agree with this. I want to add something though. Something like rape (especially if it is recent) can make sex difficult, for both partners. She may not be ready to have sex, and may try to hide it. There also may be times where she has flashback before, during, or after having sex. So if you two plan on becoming/are having sex she may have flashbacks. This does not mean she thinks you are capable of this, or has problems trusting you. Remember, it is most likely the act that is causing the flashback and it will take time for her to overcome this.

This was an issue with my ex boyfriend and I. It was hard for him to understand that he wasn't the problem, it was just having sex that was the problem for me.

Try your best to understand this, and if it does happen please, for the sake of her emotions, do not overreact. Just try to listen, and be there for her. I trust you will seek help for yourself if it becomes too difficult for you to cope with.

Originally Posted by Idyllic.

Hey there.

Firstly, you are a really good boyfriend for being concerned and for wanting to help her.

Was she raped recently? If so, she should go to a gynecologist to get checked out to make sure she's okay physically. Survivors of abuse are associated with feelings of great embarrassment, shame, and feelings of being dirty or impure. She might not be comfortable opening up to you completely about this yet. Just remind her that you're there for her, and encourage her to seek help. Also, look for signs of other affects such as PTSD or self-harm.

When being there for her, remember to take care of yourself too, okay? Take some time out to think and to accept that this happened to your girlfriend. If you're feeling overwhelmed, take a walk or confide in someone you trust so you don't have to bottle this inside.

Let me know if you want to talk.

[Your_Friend]

You seem to be a great boy friend as you are showing your concern for her.You must take proper care of her,fill her life with happiness.You shouldn't hurt her.Make her feel special everytime.All the above mentioned points are correct.

Take Care

[weaved1]

There seems to be a communication problem here - which in time should alleviate that problem. Please comfort her, give her time, be active - take her for walks, make her feel secure and never exacerbate problems or drivel into things that make her feel like crap.

Just don't do anything stupid like assault the guy if you find out who it is, let the legals deal with it.