Naked pics on boyfriend's phone

[solodolo]

So I asked my boyfriend today if I could see his phone because I wanted to pick out a picture of him to put in my contacts. He started acting really weird and hesitant about handing over his phone so I jokingly said "If you have any naked pictures in there I'll give you 5 mins to delete them." Turns out this fool really did have naked pictures of old flames and who ever else there are in his phone! I was shocked about this and when I asked him for what purpose does he still have them in there, he claimed that he keeps the pictures around to show off to his "boys". WTF? I feel really uncomfortable about this even though he claims that he doesn't talk to any of the girls anymore and that a lot of the pictures are really old from like 2011. I asked him to delete them and he refuses. Am I making a big deal out of this and if not what do you think I should do?

[Rivière]

As much as it's his phone, I don't think he realises the severity of keeping pictures of girls pictures. If they are pictures of girls underage and/or if he keeps them without their permission he could be in serious trouble.

Secondly, I don't think you're making a big deal out of it at all! If I was with someone who kept naked pictures of other girls on their phone I'd be thinking "What the hell!?" too! If he really loves and cares about you, why should he have the need to keep them? Maybe it would be good for you to ask him to be honest with you and ask him why he really keeps them there. I know some guys keep naked pictures as masturbation material but I don't think, or at least in my opinion, it's the done thing to keep naked pictures of other girls on a phone unless the person you're in a relationship with is ok with it, which you clearly aren't. I think here you need to confront him and ask him to be truthful, good or bad, why he keeps those pictures on his phone and explain to him you find it uncomfortable that he keeps them there when he's in a relationship with you.

[Jesus Christ.]

You're overreacting, unless the photos are illegal. Men love naked women, it's a fact of life.

[Koharuchan]

Originally Posted by Boobies

You're overreacting, unless the photos are illegal. Men love naked women, it's a fact of life.

That doesn't make it right for him to keep those pictures of other girls. I think you have every right to be upset by this, I would be too! If my guy was keeping naked pictures of old girlfriends, I would make it absolutely clear to him that I find something like that unacceptable.

[Eternal]

Originally Posted by Boobies

You're overreacting, unless the photos are illegal. Men love naked women, it's a fact of life.

While this is true, it doesn't justify the fact that he shows off woman other than his girlfriend to his "boys."
I think you need to have a serious talk with him about why you don't feel comfortable with him having pictures of old flames on his phone. If he still refuses to remove the pictures, then it doesn't seem like he respects you. It is your decision whether to stay with him or move on to someone who won't want pictures of other girls on his phone, but I do think you should take into account whether he seems loyal or not. I'm not saying loyal as in whether he is cheating on you or not, but whether he is loyal to the relationship and is content being in it. Having pictures of other girls sounds like he may not be satisfied with being in a serious relationship.
Communication is very important, so that is my best advice to you. Express how you feel to him, and see if he cares to listen and delete the pictures.

[THE FAPMAN]

Hmm. Lets see this from a mans perspective.
Theres always the double standard which screws up everything, so lets pretend we are in the normal world.
Your boyfriend (if i get a vote) is not guilty.
He isnt guilty of keeping girls pictures on his phone. I mean, they are just pics. Im guessing you wouldnt want him to have your naked pictures while hes wanking off so why not someone elses? Does it matter really?
Also, showing pics to his friends. Whats wrong with that? I assume you speak with your friends from time to time about the same things. Hot boys that are celebrities, someome saw a hot guy on the beach other day, blablabla. Same thing. If you trust him that he is a nice guy and not an asshole dont whip him for fucks sake.
Hes a guy. Guys like naked women. You just CANNOT restrict him pictures of other women and porn. You just cant do that and expect him to be happy or to trust him on his word that he has none.
Guys are like that. You can either accept it or go to lesbians.
Or find a guy who is addicted to you who wont look anyone else, and if you ask me, thats fucking creepy.

Now, as you may already noticed, majority of this forum are women and girls. They will be on your side. But pretty much 80-90% of guys would be on his side because for us its normal. We arent sexualy restricted like women.
We will speak of how long we wank off, whats the size of our willies (and lie about it of course) and eachother girlfriends if we trust eachother blablabla. Its just normal for us.

Ill repeat: If you trust him not to cheat on you and if you look at him randomly few times a day/week and if he looks happy to you he is happy, let him do things men do...
Only thing i would react on if the pics are of girls faaaaar younger than him. If youre 18 or older and he has pics of 16-17 year old girls im on your side. But if youre 15-16 years old, and he has pics of like porn stars or something like that just leave him be...

Also i saw that you wrote he has pics of his old gfs. Yeah, i do to. That aint weird. If he was/is a player those are like thophies. And if hes a normal guy like me, they are reminders on what he fucked up so he can correct it in this relationship, and what he didnt fuck up so he can continue doing it.

[taylalatbh.]

I think this might split the sexes in two. I do feel that blokes should be able to look at nude pictures as I don't have a problem with porn or anything like that. But nude pictures of old girlfriends isn't really appropriate. I would prefer for them to have nude pictures of porn stars (or the like). Because he would have had prior relationships with these girls, I can see how you would be upset by this, and I completely agree.

I think it's wrong of him to not delete these pictures, especially if it's upsetting for you. He clearly doesn't care that you're upset by this. If he's not going to delete them, and it's a big problem for you, then you might want to have a serious think about the relationship. Is it worth staying in it if he's going to keep the pictures? I don't see the point in nude photos in relationships. You get to see the naked body of your partner whenever you want, it's just dangerous to take photos to keep.

I bet the girls in the photos don't know that he still has them, and probably wouldn't be okay about it, either. This guy sounds a bit like a jerk, have a good think about it.

[Eternal]

Originally Posted by 8!n4ry8unny

Also, showing pics to his friends. Whats wrong with that? I assume you speak with your friends from time to time about the same things. Hot boys that are celebrities, someome saw a hot guy on the beach other day, blablabla. Same thing. If you trust him that he is a nice guy and not an asshole dont whip him for fucks sake.
Hes a guy. Guys like naked women. You just CANNOT restrict him pictures of other women and porn. You just cant do that and expect him to be happy or to trust him on his word that he has none.

Having pictures of pornstars that he has no relations to is different than pictures of ex girlfriends. That is just asking for trouble, because from a girl's perspective, it would be very hard to not feel inferior to some degree. If it were me in this situation, I would feel like I am being compared to with ex girlfriends, and that would make me feel pretty uncomfortable.
I personally am fine with boyfriends looking at porn because I get that guy's sex drives are higher. But having pictures of ex girlfriends just shows that he isn't willing to let go and be appreciative of what he has.

[THE FAPMAN]

Fine, fine. Sit and talk to him then. Ask why. If he says something bad slap him. Like BAM.

But like... Breaking up because of nude pictures? I mean... Really??? I dont want to judge but thats what im going to do from now on... I was very tolerant to a certain degree in my past relationship and i expect the same from the girl. From now on ill get some nudes and say they are my exes and if she dumps my ass because of it its not really worth it...

Also, want revenge? Say:
Ok, since you like your exes so much, no sex for a month.
Or just get some guys nudes over the internet and say they are your exes and see how he feels about it. I mean I would feel fine but thats just me tho...

If some people think im an asshole:
Oh boy you have a sharp brain today!
But im one of the nicest assholes you can ever hope to meet so that balances it out

Aaaaaaanyways. Listen to the girls on this forum. Besides, who cares what happens in a guys brain right? If you want to wear the pants in the relationship, go ahead! Just dont expect to go far with it.....

Good luck gal!

[Age of Ignorance]

I would be very hesitant about making "revenge" plans. That's not appropriate in any relationship; anything done out of spite creates more problems and will eventually blow up.

I'm actually afraid this conversation would have no issue if the OP was a male and his girlfriend was keeping naked pictures of old boyfriends to show off to her girlfriends. The point is, what he has done is wrong. But unfortunately, some men don't take active steps to delete these sorts of things, even if they never use them for any purpose whatsoever. His excuse that he shows it off to his mates may be a lie, but it could also be the truth. Regardless, that isn't your problem - it's the ex-girlfriends'. It certainly doesn't mean he is doing anything with them, but it doesn't mean he isn't.

I'm afraid otherwise you're in a bit of a pickle. Talking with him may get nowhere, but you do need to air your grievances about this so that he knows where you stand. Let him justify it however he wants, but ultimately, this isn't a solveable problem even if he does delete the pictures. It may strain the relationship, and you just need to remember - or convince yourself - that it's in the past and it doesn't effect your relationship... or at least, it shouldn't.

[Ambiance]

Just gonna say it.

So, like, the problem I'm seeing it is not really that he is in the "wrong." You asked him, he was honest (we are assuming, though there is absolutely no absolutely when it comes to people telling the truth), and he's sticking to his guns. I would say, yes, this is typical male behavior and this causes the most trouble for the girls in the pictures. So I think we can all agree that if this is a matter of "faithfulness" that while the situation looks relatively sketchy, this certainly does not mean he is cheating or likely to cheat, as he is in fact telling you that he does something that boys typically do. Even if he had a wank to the photos here and there, I don't think this would be a big deal by most people's standards.

The issue with it that *I* see is just, like, this whole thing about showing off girls who TRUSTED him with photos like that to OTHER guys is totally lame. I think these are symptoms of a boy, not a man, though of course I don't know how old you two are. But like, he doesn't respect them, dude. And if he doesn't respect them, it's A: Likely that he might not respect you for the long-term, or B: He's one of those guys who thinks that like because he has connected more deeply with you, you have somehow "earned" his almighty, holy respect by being a virtuous woman or meeting his own specific standards, instead of considering the fact that he's a P.O.S. for breaching very intimate trust that these girls, if freely, were willing to give to him for his wanking and whatnot. Sure, the girls could have been more careful, because this is a thing that typically happens, and sure, they could have been smarter by expecting this; but even this kind of logic dictates that your boyfriend falls into this category of men that you can ASSUME will partake in such behavior. I'd say if he was secure in himself, he wouldn't need to show his guy friends all the chicks he's banged to elevate his status. So, what I'm saying is, under typical examination, you don't need to assume that he's cheating on you, but the fact that you have found yourself in this situation due to his loose morals speaks volumes about his character or lack there of and if it were me, I'd move along. I mean, you could try to express this to him and reach a conclusion, but telling someone that their actions have revealed to you elements of who they are that you really don't care for is a painfully honest and often percievably offensive thing to do; not to mention tacking on the fact that if they would just tweak this personality flaw, you could then manage to sustain the relationship.

But you know. That's just me. Is what a person less convicted in their views and moral codes would say HA GOT YOU!

No, but really. You should always do what your judgement tells you to. And that's my final word on it. I hope things go well for you.

[bitesize]

I don't think you're overreacting.

I can see from his perspective why he might want to keep the pictures - more guys probably do this than you know. Its normal. But if you've let him know that the pictures upset you and you'd rather he deleted them, he really should respect you enough to get rid of them.

[Usernames Suck]

You're not overreacting.

First, if these girls are underage or were underage at the time of the pictures, he could get into serious trouble for it.

Second, the girls presumably don't know he's been keeping the pictures and showing them off to friends. If they sent them the photos for him ONLY to view them, he's seriously breeching their trust by showing them to others. The fact that they consented to sending the pictures to one person they were dating at the time does not equal consenting to everyone he knows seeing them naked.

Finally, every relationship has different boundaries! In some relationships this could be fine, in others it wouldn't be, just as in some relationships it's ok for people to see other people and in others it's not. If part of your relationship's boundaries is that you're exclusive with each other and that it's not ok to be looking at naked photos of other people, then what he did was not ok. He should have checked with you, especially given that they were his exes - people he had (probably) an emotional connection with at the time. He should have communicated with you about this, and the fact that he tried to go behind your back speaks volumes. In a good relationship, if there's anything that may not be ok or something then people communicate so they can avoid hurt feelings and be on the same page instead of just hiding it from their partner. Plus, if he really didn't think it was a big deal? He wouldn't have felt the need to hide them from you. If I felt like something I was doing was fine I wouldn't feel the need to hide them from my partner.

Originally Posted by 8!n4ry8unny

Hmm. Lets see this from a mans perspective.
Theres always the double standard which screws up everything, so lets pretend we are in the normal world.
Your boyfriend (if i get a vote) is not guilty.
He isnt guilty of keeping girls pictures on his phone. I mean, they are just pics. Im guessing you wouldnt want him to have your naked pictures while hes wanking off so why not someone elses? Does it matter really?
Also, showing pics to his friends. Whats wrong with that? I assume you speak with your friends from time to time about the same things. Hot boys that are celebrities, someome saw a hot guy on the beach other day, blablabla. Same thing. If you trust him that he is a nice guy and not an asshole dont whip him for fucks sake.
Hes a guy. Guys like naked women. You just CANNOT restrict him pictures of other women and porn. You just cant do that and expect him to be happy or to trust him on his word that he has none.
Guys are like that. You can either accept it or go to lesbians.
Or find a guy who is addicted to you who wont look anyone else, and if you ask me, thats fucking creepy.

Now, as you may already noticed, majority of this forum are women and girls. They will be on your side. But pretty much 80-90% of guys would be on his side because for us its normal. We arent sexualy restricted like women.
We will speak of how long we wank off, whats the size of our willies (and lie about it of course) and eachother girlfriends if we trust eachother blablabla. Its just normal for us.

Ill repeat: If you trust him not to cheat on you and if you look at him randomly few times a day/week and if he looks happy to you he is happy, let him do things men do...
Only thing i would react on if the pics are of girls faaaaar younger than him. If youre 18 or older and he has pics of 16-17 year old girls im on your side. But if youre 15-16 years old, and he has pics of like porn stars or something like that just leave him be...

Also i saw that you wrote he has pics of his old gfs. Yeah, i do to. That aint weird. If he was/is a player those are like thophies. And if hes a normal guy like me, they are reminders on what he fucked up so he can correct it in this relationship, and what he didnt fuck up so he can continue doing it.

You're right in that there is a double standard but you're wrong about what that double standard is. I wonder if you'd be as nonchalant if your girlfriend was keeping photos of ex-boyfriends, presumably underage ones, in her phone?

Everything in your post is a huge and I do mean HUGE generalization about men and women. Not all women gossip. Not all men 'need' porn. Maybe you do, that's your business. Also, keeping women as 'trophies'? I can't even begin to fathom why you think that's acceptable, as they are human beings, not exactly the same as a shiny metal cup you win from a competition. They deserve respect.

Also, depending on the terms of their relationship, women gossiping about intimate stuff about their boyfriends (like what they like during sex) could be considered hurtful. Every relationship is different and it's important to have some awareness about it. If a girl's boyfriend would feel hurt by her talking about intimate things to her friends, then that's something she should respect if she does like him and care about his feelings - she should at least check with him if this would be something he'd be ok with her divulging.

Same with this guy and those pics. From the original post it sounds like he was going behind her back with those and was being secretive. If he thought it was ok he wouldn't bother hiding them. If he wasn't sure, he should have communicated with her about the terms of their relationship.

Sneaking behind your partner's back to do things that are hurtful to them and that you seemingly can't communicate with them with is a huge break of trust - no matter what those things may be and no matter what your gender is.

Also, those pictures were presumably sent for him and him alone. Those girls agreeing to him seeing them naked under specific circumstances does not mean they're agreeing to him showing them off to all of his friends. It's basic respect for the boundaries of another human being. This is different from keeping pictures of porn stars in the sense that a porn star who professionaly publishes nude pictures is consenting to those being seen by the public in general, whereas someone who sends a photo to their partner is not necessarily consenting to all of their partner's friends seeing that picture. I know I wouldn't do that to anyone I've dated or may date in the future regardless of that person's gender.

Finally, 'go to lesbians'? Really? You don't think lesbians have a sex drive at all, that they don't watch porn, etc.?

[THE FAPMAN]

WHATS WRONG WITH SOME PEOPLE ON THIS FORUM?
i said my oppinion. I said it from my own experiences and experiences of people around me.
Yes, go to lesbians. Joke. Its a joke. Do you know what a joke is? Stop taking this all too seriously... Go to for a run and a massage and blow off some steam and stop attacking me, AS WELL AS 90% OF FEMALES ON THIS FORUM.
But ill answer to your semi-provocation.
1. Yes id be completely ok with my girlfriend having nude pics of other guys on her phone, even underage. You can hate me for that, but you ultimatively cant do anything about it.
2. Yes i made a huge generalisation because i dont know every man on this planet or any in the current geostationary orbit on the ISS so i generalised.
Yes, some men take women as trophies. Yet again, they are assholes i agree. And still, you cant do anything about it. (I mean you can argue with me but i dont care really)
3. Once again, i know a lot of women who gossip. Im talking about MY surroundings.
Also, if hes cheating the OP he surely wouldnt raise suspicion, hes not stupid. I would worried he was cheating her if he DIDNT have pics.
Umm, have you ever sent your naked pictures to your boyfriends? What do you think of the girls who do? I think of them as... Well just say bad... Especially if they sent the pics online. Then id consider them as retarded.
Now if you still want a debate, rather send me a PM about it instead of spamming the poor OPs thread.

Also, to the OP. If youre worried hes cheating you just think of how would you keep a secret if you were cheating him. Would you put pics of other men on the phone?

[LazzaBeep]

Its a tricky situation.. On one hand, no your not over reacting. He is with you now and you are commited to each other, therefor he shouldn't have photos on his phone of his ex girlfriends, let alone naked ones!
On another hand, lads do have some silly pride about showing off to their friends.
It is a really tough situation but I don't think your over reacting in the slightest!
Have you tired talking to him again about it and telling him that it really upset you? He may have just been taken by surprise when you joked about him having 5 minutes to delete the photos and got all defensive about them.
I hope you sort things out.

Good Luck!

[rwwtlivelaughlove]

Wow, you are definitely not overreacting. Not only is he being a bad boyfriend and not respecting you by keeping naked photos of ex-girlfriends on his phone, but this also proves that he has no respect for the previous girls he dated either. He keeps their naked photos on his phone (maybe jacks off to them too), AND he shows them off to his friends which is unforgivable. Would you want him doing that with pictures of you in the future after you break up?? Nobody would. If I were you, I'd break up with him. It might be hard but you'll be glad you did. Find someone who actually has respect for women!!

[DrDrei]

I think there's something wrong both ways here. For you, I think you're being a little too exaggerated about what's going on. It could be only here in my place where pictures of naked girls "add up" to your manliness in the eyes of your peers but this could be the case for him. Also, guys during puberty are very *bleep* so they'd need their dose of the stuff often enough.

Now as for his mistake, he's in the greater fault here for being insensitive in my opinion. He's in a relationship and he has those kind of material in his phone without thinking about what you'll think about it. Though you two may have not talked about such a thing before I still think he should have bothered to get your thoughts about it.

I suggest you two talk about it in a calm manner without any argument of any sort as this is a minor misunderstanding. Now if he refuses to remove those photos and/or videos, you are now left with the decision on whether or not you would break up with him.

[PureStorm]

What a hot discussion!
I see it as follows:

- if some or all of the pictures are from porn stars, models etc. then those are fine
- if those on the phone that show persons he personally knows have been taken without the consent of them (and/or if they're underage obviously), it is wrong

Unless the latter applies, any kind of revenge plan or breakup plan is, in my opinion, a complete overreaction from your side.
If the latter applies however, your anger is not only justified but (at least in my country) he could get in legal trouble.