Triggering (Suicide): Obsessive boyfriend

[fear4tears]

Oky ive been dating this guy for 7-8 months ive known him for 4-5years, he was married at the time but soon after he told me how he felt he started the process for a divorce and it went thru 2months ago. (he has 2 kids with his ex) We had a argument 2months ago and he went craze - meaning he threatened to kill himself and was crying and swearing and all that, ive tried to help him thru this situation but it ended up him believing we are back together, 2 weeks ago we had another argument and helost it again but this time it freake me out totally, he kept sending me msg saying "you are mine" (repeating thous words over and over) as well as im everything to him he cant live without me est. leaving threatening msg and then it ended up in him trying to [Edited by PSY: Removed graphic description of suicide attempt.]... I dont know what to do, i want tyo get out of this situation i dont want to be with him anymore but im affraid if i leave he will end up killing himself and everybody will blame me or even worse he will end up killing me maybe not sure what to do please help??????

[Femme Fatale]

You definitely need to leave this relationship. Messages like "I can't live without you" and "you are mine" and threatening to kill himself; those are not just him being "obsessive" those are signs of him being abusive to you. I definitely suggest breaking up with him especially do it in a public area just in case he tries to hurt you. Definitely contact the authorities if you're afraid that he's going to kill you or hurt you in anyway and definitely tell some of his friends and family that he has been threatening to kill himself and to keep an eye out for that kind behavior; if they think he might try hurting himself they should call the authorities.
Once you break it off with him, I definitely suggest cutting off all contact with him completely; delete his number block him off all of your social networking sites, etc. Often times people in a situation like this will go back to their abusive partner out of guilt (i.e. to make sure that you're not the reason he kills himself, etc.) cutting him off completely will make that less likely to happen. Just remember that if he does end up killing himself IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! I've been in relationships where people have threatened to commit suicide in order to manipulate me and to keep me from leaving them. Like I said, tell his friends or family that he has been suicidal and they can get him the help he needs from there.

I hope I helped a bit. Good luck and be safe.

[maer995]

Make sure his family knows both about his suicidal threats but also about the threats against you.. there is always the possibility of getting the police involved although this is scary sometimes it is necessary you have nothing to be worried about you have done nothing wrong and you shouldnt be paying for his behaviour, what if one day he decides he wants you dead instead of him??? Get help, make sure people know and that you are always with someone and possibly somewhere he cant find you! Dont let him ruin your life and dont be scared you are not alone im sure everyone you will tell this story to (from your family to the police) they will all support you

[PSY]

I'm glad you've recognized this is a dangerous relationship to be in. First things first, check out this article I wrote on protecting yourself from abusive individuals. It discusses how to obtain restraining orders/orders of protection, as well as whom to inform if you feel threatened by someone.

You cannot be held responsible for what another person decides to do (or not do). He clearly needs help, and it's up to HIM to get that help for himself. You would in no way be responsible for anything he does in an attempt to hurt himself. Right now, you need to focus on getting help for YOURSELF. If/when the proper authorities get involved, they can probably send someone to contact him and provide him with resources... but it is not YOUR job to "save" him.

[Usernames Suck]

You need to leave. He doesn't sound like a good person at all if he cheated on his wife with you to begin with and is now trying to control you. Making you feel like you'll be killed if you leave is NOT ok. Blackmailing you into staying with him by threatening to kill himself is NOT ok. That's emotional abuse, pure and simple, and it's good that you've figured out that this relationship is unhealthy.

I recommend that you try to seek out some help. If you have any friends or family you can turn to, tell them about your situation and ask them for help. If there are support groups in your area dedicated to helping people in abusive relationships, or any hotlines, do that as well.

I don't know how old you are or what your living arrangement is. If you're still in school, talking to a teacher about it could help as they may be able to give you advice and keep you safe. If you're under 18 then the adults in your life should absolutely protect you from him so there's that too.

No matter how old you are, if you fear for your own safety you could try to seek out legal help also. I don't know what that's like in your area, but depending on what the local attitude to this sort of thing is, you may be given any protection you may need so he can't stalk you or hurt you. Any local groups, charities or hotlines will be able to give you more advice about this. And definitely alert people you trust to what's going on. These things can help keep you safe, they may be able to offer you a place to stay if you've been living with him, and they may be able to help by doing things like not leaving you alone if you're afraid he'll find you and hurt you.

Even if you want to help him, it'll be easier for everyone if you are safe, and this may also help him get the help he needs. Your safety comes first.