Male Advice Preferred: My boyfriend doesn't want to eat me out. Why!?

[BLN_CAB]

Me and my boyfriend have done pretty much everything but sex and he hasn't eaten me out either. I asked him about eating me out and he just told me that it wasn't "appealing" to him. I am clean and he knows that, and I always shave and he told me that wasn't the problem, so then what is!? It kind if hurts my feelings because he doesn't want to. And I'm not going to force him into it, I want him to want to do it. But he doesn't want to and I really want to and I told him I want to before but I don't think he knows how much I want to. So I don't know what to do! I give him blowjobs and I was nervous about it at first so why can't he do this for me. I hate that I sound selfish right now but it's driving me crazy wondering why he doesn't want to.

[SpecterH]

Despite how much you may want him to perform oral sex on you, if he doesn't feel comfortable doing so, he shouldn't have to do it. This goes for you as well: if you're not comfortable with something (i.e., performing oral sex on him), you have every right to voice this concern. If he truly cares about you, he'll respect that.

You need to do the same. I know that you want him to perform oral sex on you, but you can't expect it or force it. If you really care about him, you need to respect him entirely - and that includes refraining from forcing him to do anything that he's not comfortable doing.

You said that you know that you can't force him to do anything, and it's good that you realize that. However, I think it's also important for you to be aware of your actions. "Guilting him" into doing something, while not explicitly forcing him, has the same effect.

It is important for couples to express what they desire sexually, and sexuality should be explored together in almost every healthy relationship. However, these are big steps for a lot of people and should be done at a pace that is comfortable for both people in the relationship. Otherwise, it'll pose severe negative effects on the relationship.

For now, give him time. Don't keep mentioning it to him because he may feel obligated into doing something that he's not comfortable doing. If this is a huge deal-breaker for you, perhaps you should determine whether this is the right guy for you. If it's not, continue on with your relationship. As time passes, he will become more comfortable with you and, eventually, you will explore more things as a couple.

Good luck.

[Koharuchan]

Originally Posted by SpecterH

You need to do the same. I know that you want him to perform oral sex on you, but you can't expect it or force it. If you really care about him, you need to respect him entirely - and that includes refraining from forcing him to do anything that he's not comfortable doing.

This. I understand that you feel bad because he doesn't want to do this, but you can't just jump to conclusions about why he doesn't currently want to orally pleasure you. If he doesn't want to, then he doesn't want to, and chances are it's simply because he just isn't ready. And in a healthy relationship, you have to respect that. For the longest time, my fiancé desperately wanted that experience with me. But did he do it? Absolutely not. Because I made it clear I did not want it, and he respected that because he knew I just wasn't ready.

How would you feel if this situation were reversed? What if oral sex was something you absolutely did not want no matter what, but he wanted it so badly, and he kept bringing it up? Don't you think you might feel bad, or pressured to consent because of it? That's why the best thing you can do here is just do your best to stop thinking about it and give him some time to come to his own decisions.

[taylalatbh.]

Some guys just don't like to do it, just like some girls don't like to do it either. He shouldn't have to feel pressured into doing something that he doesn't want to do and it's unfair of you to keep asking when he's told you that he doesn't want to.

I'm sure he appreciates that you're clean down there, and he enjoys having sex with you, but just doesn't want to go down on you and you need to respect that. If not having oral sex is such a big deal for you then you need to have a good think about the relationship. It's your problem, not his, and you'll have to deal with it.

[Skeleton]

Oral isn't something that everyone enjoys giving and if your boyfriend is one of those people, there isn't much you can do other than be understanding and respectful of that, you can't pressure someone into doing something they don't want to and it won't be fun for you if that's what happens. Oral sex isn't the be all and end all though. As frustrating as it must be, there is plenty of other things that you can be doing together.

[Ambiance]

I'd just like to say on the flipside of this, I hate receiving oral and I always have to deal with guys trying to convince me that they're good at doing it and I just haven't been with someone who was good at doing it. 9/10, I just don't like it. Something about all of the sensories involved specifically is unnappealing to me. And in this situation, you would say, someone shouldn't have to receive an action they don't want sexually. The same goes vice verse; you shouldn't have to give one either. However, I understand why you might be upset without knowing why he doesn't want to do it. I would just try and have a conversation about it with him and see. I will say that I know it's kind of no fun sometimes being with someone who's not open to new things sexually, and I've been in two relationships where I couldn't really explore the things I wanted to and this was a bummer. Often, you can communicate about it as much as you want when there is something that you want to do and the other person doesn't, but it's likely that you may just have to accept, maybe only in this one aspect of sexual activity or maybe more, that you're not completely sexually compatible. And eventually, you have to decide if this is a dealbreaker or not. It might sound shallow to end a relationship over sexual compatibility, but really, good sex is important in a long-term ordeal, and if you're not compatible, it is likely to damage things eventually.

but like everyone said, all you can do is talk to him and respect his boundaries.

[Strummer]

"Me and my boyfriend have done pretty much everything but sex and he hasn't eaten me out either . . . "

By "sex" here, do you mean intercourse? Also, you don't mention your ages, as sometimes it takes a certain maturity to get into various aspects of sex. Sexual compatibility is very important in a relationship, and as others have said, this can be a deal-breaker. He may or may not eventually do oral on you. You could be rather aggressive and while he is on his back and you are giving him a blowjob, you could swing around and put your crotch in his face in 69-position. He then might be excited and more inclined to respond. Still, there is no guarantee that he would follow through! You could stop doing oral on him until he agrees to do you orally, but it's hard to say where that would lead.

[d-_-b]

Maybe he just doesn't feel comfortable with it. Give him time, he might change his mind. Just don't pressure him.

[Usernames Suck]

There's a number of reasons why not but what matters most is this: he doesn't feel comfortable doing it. Therefore, he shouldn't be pressured into it. Sometimes certain activities just aren't appealing to people, maybe there's a reason, maybe they just aren't, but they have every right to not do something they don't want to do. As others have said, this works both ways, and if there's something you don't feel completely comfortable doing, you also have the right to refuse to do it and he shouldn't pressure you either.

The most you can do is talk to him openly and ask him about it. Don't pressure him and don't judge him, creating an environment where both of you can talk without being afraid of being judged or pressured is important. If you have this, he may feel safe enough to tell you why not if there's another reason and he may feel comfortable enough to find a way to work with you on it, like if he just doesn't feel confident and thinks he won't do well.

However, it's completely possible that he just doesn't find that appealing or doesn't feel comfortable doing it or talking about yet and that's fine too. Just as it's fine if there's something you don't want to do for any reason at all.