Female Advice Preferred: best friend had sex with my ex- boyfriend of 4 days at the age of 14

[myaveragelife]

my ex of 4 days had sex with my best friend twice recently. after i have rejected him whilst we were going out. they are both 14 years old. she has asked him out he has said no and that he just wants her for sex. now he ha said that he still thinks about me whilst he is still having sex with her! what does that mean? he smiles at me in class but hugs her at the end of the day. he flirts with me in class but still goes back to f*****g her!!!!! i think i still have feelings for him, cuz he was the one who dumped me because i was paranoid of him going to her house ALONE whilst we were going out. they probably had sex then too. what do i do. she has turned most of my friends away from me because she said i was being mean to her. i have lost half a stone from worrying about this and still cant eat properly! i am constantly crying at home and cry myself to sleep most nights. i have previously self harmed but have stopped now but could really do with some advice. i feel all alone. please help me. i'm so confused right now.

[Beccaa]

As a feminist, I don't think I'm supposed to tell anyone that they are too young to be having sex but, 14... I think you made the right choice of refusing to sleep with him. He doesn't seem to care about you that much if he's messing around with your best friend. She also doesn't seem like a best friend for dating and sleeping with your ex boyfriend so soon after the break up. It sounds like you got your heart broken and yes, it's going to hurt. You probably will cry yourself to sleep for awhile, it's normal. Everyone goes through this one time or another. The good news is that it fades eventually, I can promise you that. Just don't go back to him- he isn't acting like he cares about you and you deserve better than him. Hope this helped!

-Becca

[Eternal]

It's situations like these that show you who your true friends are. I agree with the above poster, this shows that this guy doesn't really respect you if he broke up with you because you wouldn't have sex with him. And your best friend doesn't really respect you if she had sex with your ex boyfriend without seeing if it was okay by you first.
For now, it's best to just wait this out. Try talking to your other friends about this and see if you can find someone you can confide in and talk to.
If you were too scared to go to his house alone, then he isn't someone you want to date. You want to feel safe and secure in a relationship, and if you are ever pressured to do anything you don't want to, then it's time to think about whether its worth it to stay or not.
You're still very young. I promise you will be able to make new friends, and you will have more boyfriends. I recommend joining a club or sport so that you can get to know other people with similar interests.

[taylalatbh.]

Sounds like both these people aren't very nice and you shouldn't waste your time on them. He's very mean for trying to make you have sex at 14 (which I personally feel is way too young) and she's a horrible friend for sleeping with your ex.

As much as you feel like you still have feelings for him, I don't think you should act on them. He's clearly not a nice guy, and not a loyal boyfriend so why would you want to date him? If he's left you once and had sex with your best friend, then chances are he'll do it again. Try and find yourself a nicer boyfriend, who doesn't sleep with your friends.

As for your best friend, I would probably cut her loose, too. Sleeping with your ex is a horrible thing for a friend to do. I wouldn't want to keep someone who does that around.

All in all, it's down to you what you want to do, but that's what I'd do.

[Awakening]

Hey,

I'm really sorry that this happened. I know it must be a really difficult thing to deal with and I can understand why you're so upset. The way your friend and your ex are treating you is completely unfair and you deserve a lot better than that. I don't think that either of them deserve to have a place in your life.

It's understandable that you might still have feelings for your ex. You didn't break up very long ago and it's not very easy to simply change how you feel once a relationship is over. It might take awhile for you to fully get over him, but I think that it's something you need to do. You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who you can trust and who treats you right. Even if your ex does still have feelings for you he's obviously not that kind of person.

If your friends are so quick to turn against you without even hearing your side of things then maybe they aren't very trustworthy either. It seems silly to turn away from a friend simply because another friend is having a disagreement with them. I think you should try to explain your side of the story to your friends and see if that changes things. If they're not willing to listen or take what you have to say seriously than it may be time to reevaluate your friendships with them. Maybe try meeting some new people with mutual interests who you feel you could have better friendships with.

One thing I've learned through dealing with my fair share of negative relationships is that it's a lot better to be on your own or to have only a couple friends than to have a ton of friends who don't treat you right. You might be tempted to stay friends with the girl who hurt you or to get back with your ex simply because you want to have a boyfriend or a best friend and don't want to feel alone. But you need to do your best to remember what you deserve. Sticking with people who hurt you will only end up preventing you from finding the people who treat you right.

Try not to worry so much about your friend or your ex. I know this is way easier said than done, but obviously neither of them were considering you or how you'd feel when they were hooking up with each other. If they're not worried about you why should you take the time to worry about them or your relationships with them? They're not at all worth your time. Try to focus more on other relationships with people who treat you fairly.

I also want to add that you should never feel pressured into having sex with someone simply so that they will stay with you. I know this wasn't really one of your concerns in your post, but I can see how the current circumstances might make you feel as if sex is something necessary in order to keep a relationship. But the right person will willingly wait until you're ready and would never consider hooking up with someone else in the meantime. You made the right decision not to have sex with this guy and I hope you'll continue to wait until you know for sure that you're ready.

I'm totally confident that you will end up meeting a guy, and new friends, who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Just don't settle for anything less than you deserve. I hope this helped a little and that things improve for you soon. Feel free to message me anytime. Take care!

[Your_Friend]

Hey there,

I guess you must ignore and forget him completely.His actions say that he only wants s** and doesnt have feelings for anyone.You should be glad that you came to know about it soon.You made a very fine decision not to sleep with him.And I am pretty sure you will find a much better guy in future.You are just 14 and you have complete life infront of you.
I know it would be hard but remember that Time heals wounds.Real men are those who respect the feelings of girl, not those who run after s**.
I wish you best of luck and I hope you overcome it.If you need anyone to talk with,PM me.

Please stay strong.
Take Care

[myaveragelife]

thank you to everyone who has comented, it really means a lot to me that someone cares and would take the time to help me. I think im starting to deal with it better but like someone said "time heals wounds" and i deffinatly need time. But i wholehartedly thank everyone who has comented. It really does make a difference. Thank you again.

[Usernames Suck]

This guy doesn't really sound like a good person that you'd want to be involved with! You're better off without him, frankly. Just try to ignore him and go on with your life as best as you can. If you need to put time into something like crying or processing what happened, I recommend trying to find a safe way of doing so (like writing an angry entry in your diary or listening to music). He's not worth it. Hopefully your friend will realise this too before she's in trouble.

As to your friend turning people away from you, try to ignore it as much as you can. I think that if people see that you're going on with your life and not engaging in drama they'll be more interested in the truth rather than gossip, and they'll see you're not trying to go against her because of a guy that isn't great for either of you.