Dating a 14 year old (I'm 18)

[♥Bliz]

it's long distance so we haven't kissed or anything (which would be illegal) but i do want to see her one day, and I don't think I can wait 2 years... (when she turns 16) now... "things" have been going on and she wants to get intimate with me... naturally I can't allow that... it's against the law... but, i don't want to hurt her, she's very fragile... and I kinda want it. I need some help. I can't tell my therapist (which I don't see anymore anyways, used to for depression) because I'm scared my parents or the police will find out. I'm already on probation for a year. Help please?

[taylalatbh.]

This is a tough one. Because you're not physically together, you're not breaking any of those rules, but if anyone finds out you could still get done for 'grooming' her. Even if you're not being sexual, you're still being romantic (and possible verbally sexual) with her and she is under age. I personally feel it's definitely wrong that you're dating her (even if it's not physical, yet). She's at a different stage in her life, completely different mentally to you and I feel it's unfair.

As for what you should do? Nothing. Don't tell people and don't meet up with her. You'll end up getting yourself in a lot of trouble. Chances are her parents will definitely not approve, even if it's just online for now I doubt they will be okay with their 14 year old talking to an 18 year old, especially being romantic/sexual together. You can either wait until she's of age or find someone new. But even when she's 16, you'll be 20 and that's still a big age gap for when she's still so young, and it's still frowned upon by many. Just think of where you'll be when you're 20, she will still be in school.

Like I said, your other option would be to end things now. As much as that will hurt for the both of you, it might be better for both your lives. No one will be breaking any rules, and you won't have to wait. Especially since it's an LDR, they can be quite stressful for most people, especially with your added age gap issue.

All I can suggest is that you think about the points that I've made and try and make a decision on what will really be best for the both of you.

Take care.

[The Patchwork Quilt]

What Tayla said is pretty true, i would suggest definately telling her that getting intimate is probably not only not appropriate but dangerous legally for both of you. If you really love her, you could try to meet up in a couple of years, but i would suggest trying to start again and trying to start dating the ordinary way, even just becoming friends first.
Another thing, not a pleasant thought is that, unless you have video chatted, she could very well be a predator. Apparently alot of predators use the "14 year old girl" thing.
Hope this has been helpful, try not to do anything youll regret later, stay incontrol of the situation, I've been in a similar situation as u before, and it wasn't fun when i lost control and it went to shit

[♥Bliz]

Thank you for your responses, I'll have to think about things. and yes we video chatted, so I know what she looks like. I really want it to work... and I only found out her real age after I fell for her. I'm scared, and disturbed, I don't want to believe that this is wrong... but my beliefs can't save me from the law.

[taylalatbh.]

Exactly as you put it, there's no getting away from the law. I know you want to believe that you're doing nothing wrong and if you're willing to take the risk then by all means. But there's so much you should think about.

[The Patchwork Quilt]

it does suck that 4 years is such a big difference at your age, unfortunately you might just have to wait it out and see how it works out, you could try writing letters maybe, i've heard of couples writing to each other for years before meeting. you don't need to be scared though, just enjoy each others company, and make sure that you stay sensible, good luck man