My Friends are Dating???

[SammiBug]

So I just joined because it looked like I could get some advice so here it goes.

My best friend and I have known each other for about a year and a half now. We've been through so many things, break ups, family troubles, and personal issues. Recently, about a month and a half ago she broke up with her boyfriend. Knowing her she has had a lot of boyfriends. Her and I have become friends with this one guy who I would consider a brother and she thought the same. But recently I find out that she has a crush on him and they are now dating. It's not that I'm jealous, well maybe a little because he was my friend and now it's going to be different. I'm feeling really hurt by my best friend's decision because the who time we've known this guy she's made it very clear that she has no sort of feelings in the way of wanting to date him, but has now changed her mind in the matter of days. She doesn't understand and basically tells me that I have no reason to feel hurt but I do, things are different. I no longer talk to the guy because I feel like he should have said something to me, but I heard nothing from him that this was happening. I'm hurt because I didn't know they were talking as much as they did. I feel pushed out, I didn't see it coming. I'm trying my hardest to stay friends with her because she is my best friend and I would do anything for her but I don't know how much longer I can do this. I've told her how I felt, but she puts it back on me that I'm not being supportive, but I'm trying to be. She did tell me that if I didn't want her to date him she wouldn't but really am I supposed to say no you can't I don't want you to?? I'm lost and confused because I still want to be friends with her but I feel like every time I'm around her I just want to scream and I feel like jumping out of my skin, but I don't I keep a smile on my face and try and go on without it hurting her. I don't know what to do. I feel that she needs someone there as in a boyfriend. The whole time I've known her she hasn't been single for longer than a week or a month depending on the severity of the relationship she was in. I would really like some advice or suggestions on what I should do anything would help as I am also contemplating on what I should do and maybe a different point if view will help me.

[PSY]

Hello, Sammi! Welcome to TeenHelp. =)

I can understand why you would feel betrayed by these two friends. I want to say that first, because I don't want you to feel as if I'm invalidating the sense of betrayal. I do want to point out, though, that people's feelings CAN change very quickly. Your friend IS allowed to develop romantic feelings for people overnight. You may question how sincere those feelings are, since she seems to have a "need" for relationships; however, she IS entitled to whatever feelings she has, just as you are entitled to whatever feelings you have.

Of course, I could be misunderstanding the situation. Maybe she HAS had feelings for him for a while, and she continuously denied those feelings. That would certainly make me upset as well! Something I've learned, though, is that it can be difficult to admit the truth to friends AND to ourselves depending on the circumstances. Your friend may not have intended to lie to you... she may have worried about how you might react, and lied out of fear of losing your friendship. That would be understandable on her part, especially if she suspected you had feelings for the other guy and she didn't want to upset you.

You can go about this in many different ways. You can choose to hold a grudge against your two friends (either until they break up or for the foreseeable future). You can choose to discuss this further and explain why you feel the way you do. You can choose to forgive your friends. You can choose to "sugarcoat" whatever it is you want to say, or be blunt and risk the potential consequences (e.g., upsetting them and causing them to end their friendships with you).

There are probably plenty of other options... which is why it's important to take a few days to play through all the possible scenarios and decide which approach is best for you. Your gut reaction may be to avoid your friends or confront your friends out of anger. Instead, try to refrain from doing anything "major" while you give these options some thought. That way, whatever it is you decide to do, you'll know you didn't do it hastily or impulsively.

[Harryb2010@]

I understand it is a hard place for you to be in but from personal
Experience good friends are always worth keeping every one
Makes a mistake sometime at the end of it you need a best friend just relax
It will all work out in the end