Boyfriend wants me to...

[actingenius]

Hi,

My boyfriends wants me to give him a blow job. I'm really scared, we've only been dating for a short time. I'm 17, and so is he. I told him I will break up with him if all he's in this relationship for is sex, (because I believe in abstinence), but now he wants me to give him one and insists its not sex. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't a blow job the same as oral? Please help me, I don't want to break up with him, but I don't want him in my pants either...help?

[mindflower]

First of all, my highest respect goes out to you, a 17-year-old girl who believes in abstinence. If he doesn't respect that, it isn't worth your time. I will say that a blow-job is exactly what oral is, there's no way to really get around the fact that it is sexual behavior. Granted, it isn't as extreme, but I see where your concern comes into play.

With that being said, you guys should really just have a talk about it. Like, not to make this about me by any means, but I was very scared about the same thing, I only dated my ex-boyfriend for a couple weeks and we started doing things, and that was moving way too fast. Now, I don't know how long you and your boyfriend have been dating, but if its long enough for him to think asking for a blow-job is reasonable, then it is by FAR long enough to be able to talk about your fears and concerns, and if needed, hold off longer. He has already considered your reasoning if he is insisting for your benefit that it isn't sex, which it isn't, but you have to okay this just as much as he has to.

I can't tell you for sure what will happen, but its better than doing something you don't want to do, and if he feels the same about you that you do about him, he will understand.

Best of luck Nikki

[kaydee.]

Everything what FixYou said.
Good job for standing up for yourself too! :]
and yes a blowjob is oral, and it is sex.
The difference between sex and intercourse.. is intercourse is when the penis is in the vagina..... and sex is like oral, or intercourse can be "sex" too.

[actingenius]

FixYou:

Thank you. I have zero interest in sexual anything haha it just really worries me that he's wants to do sexual activities already. We've been dating for 5 weeks. I thought he was so sweet, but he seems to be in this relationship only for sex. I don't know if I want to be dating him anymore...but I'll talk to him about it for sure!

Kaydee:

Thank you for your answer. I'm not comfortable engaging I sexual activity to begin with, so I appreciate you clearing that up for me. Oral sex really grossest out. I'll be sure to talk to my boyfriend about it.

Thank y'all!

[PureStorm]

Yes, a blowjob is oral sex. Yes, it's up to you to do it or not.
You said you are scared? What are you scared of?

Here's the deal.
Denying him sex is the same as him denying you a shoulder and an ear when you need it. He denies you opportunities to emotionally bond with him, and won't be there for you when you need him. He denies you commitment.
That's how I see it. Would you be fine with him doing that to you? I'm NOT telling you to give him oral against your will. I'm just telling you to try to see it from his point of view (because you put him in a bad light for expressing his male sexuality and primary needs) so you can understand him better. Men and women are simply different. From your post I read just a little lack of awareness of that fact.
And my oppinion is still the same: it's up to you, only do it if you want it - and yes, you should leave him if you two simply are not a good match. But try to understand men when they crave sex.

[Always *]

Yes, a blow job is the same thing as oral sex. But not everyone thinks that's the same thing as "sex-sex", like the penetrative kind. He might not understand if as far as he's concerned he's not hoping for anything out of the realm of possible. Everyone has a different idea of what they count as losing their virginity is and what being abstinent is, some people might ONLY assume that's full blown sex, others even consider oral to far.

At the same time, I doubt he's meaning to be disrespectful, he probably just has different views than you. You don't need to do anything you are not comfortable with, if this isn't something you're ready to do then tell him no. If you think that NOT having sex is important to your current relationship and he thinks it IS important to your current relationship you guys will have to cross that bridge at some point.

[Skeleton]

If you don't feel comfortable part taking in anything sexual then you need to let him know that and if he likes you then he should understand. Sex isn't everything in a relationship, it's about being with someone who you like and who likes you back, sex is just something that you can do and enjoy together so if that is all he wants, especially after only 5 weeks which in my eyes isn't a long enough time together to be considering since things, then maybe it isn't the best idea to be with him.

Stand your ground and don't let him feel like you have to do something that goes against your views because of what he says or because he'll end the relationship, you deserve to be with someone who will respect you and your views regardless of their own.