My boyfriend is leaving for college and I'm depressed about it

[gkat.34]

My boyfriend is leaving for college in a little less than a year now; I know that seems like a long time in the future, but I am already so worried about it. He's a senior at my high school right now, and I'm only a junior... Today is actually our 10 month anniversary. I love him so much more than anything/one I have ever loved in my whole life, and he loves me more than anything too.

Also, I believe I am a slightly depressed person. My mom has had a history of depression (I don't know if that factors into my depression or not), and I have had on-again-off-again symptoms of depression. Now, I've never physically harmed myself in any way-- I hate pain too much for that. But I will cry in my bedroom for hours on end, usually for no reason, or just because I am upset with the way I live my life, despite my wonderful and loving family and friends.

In these past 10 months I have been together with my boyfriend, I have never been happier, except for maybe when I was 2 and I learned to dress myself. I have more or less stopped crying all the time, and have actually learned to enjoy life. But recently I have been crying more and more; not because there is anything wrong with my relationship or family matters; but because I am so scared of falling into that hole I was in for so long, once my boyfriend leaves for college and I am here in high school all alone.

My boyfriend and I spent practically the whole summer hanging out and spending time together, and then when school started again, we only ended up having one class together. I thought at first that that would be enough for me to survive each day; but now, into the 4th or 5th week of school, I am realizing that is not enough for me, and I also realize how dependent I've become on him for my happiness, and I hate that. I want to be able to spend a day without ending up crying at home because I didn't see him that day. I want him to not have to always be worrying about me because I can't handle being away from him. I want to not seem like I'm an awful person because I hate my perfect life when others have much less. But I can't help it.

I honestly don't know what I would do without him in my life; I know it may seem ridiculous to some of you that I think I'm so much in love with him, at only the age of 16, but love will surprise you. I've dated other guys before, but he is the only one who has truly ever made me happy. I have never ever suspected him of being unfaithful to me, and I would never dare to be unfaithful to him. I know in my heart that this relationship will work out in the end, but right now I am just scared about the year we will spend apart when he is in college. Please help. Any advice is helpful.

[Deleted115]

HeLlO!

Awwh, bless thats Very sweet, Don't worry about that on-off depression, i have that too, i cry in my room for hours for barely any reason too, but also i can see how much he means to you, so it is very believable that you are Very dependent upon your lover, which makes PEERRFEECTT Sense.


You can't bare the thought to be without him for a long period of time, however when he does go into College, you will still be able to Contact him, Alot if BOTH OF you make an decent effort to do so, which i'm sure you BOTH will.

You won't be away from him, or him away from you, as much as you think you can and will still get to see eachother, etc, etc,

Your love is clearly strong enough to Make Sure you have him in your Arms, and your love will make you Try your ABSOLUTE BEST To be close to him.

You will be able to contact him Alot, don't dare threat!

Also, i think you should enjoy the time you have with him now, just relaaax, when that time does come, its not going to be as dramatic or as bad as you think, you will adapt to it and you will see.

Don't worry about him, Hun, you won't be separated like your thinking of, your boyfriend loves you as just as much as you love him, and he is very dependent on you i bet! He couldn't bare to be without you either; so he is going to make SURE he'll do his Best to be CLOSE to you! <3

Depression is a serious condition, and yes, it can be genetic. Some of the symptoms you described (crying for hours on a regular basis, lack of purpose, self-esteem issues, anxiety) can be associated with depression. I would recommend speaking with a mental health professional, even if it is just your school counselor. They may guide you towards some helpful information regarding how to cope with/treat depression.

It sounds, too, like you aren't very happy with yourself. Do you generally like your life? Do you know your talents, and are you proud of your accomplishments? Would you consider you a "friend" of yourself? Do you treat yourself with compassion? Do you feel comfortable being alone? If the answer to these is "no," you may struggle with poor self image and a lack of self-confidence. When we don't have a very high opinion of ourselves, it's easy to base our sole happiness around another person. We feel high when that person is with us, and crash when they are gone. If we're happy with them, things are great. But if there is a rough patch, suddenly everything is in jeopardy, and your anxiety goes on ultra-high alert. We simply get used to having the other person fill us up, instead of working to fill ourselves up.

But that's an unhealthy way to live. It's not healthy for one person to be your source of happiness, and it's not fair to them to want them to bear that much responsibility. They say you can never be truly happy with someone else until you are happy with yourself. I don't necessarily believe that, but I do believe that relationships are a lot more meaningful and fulfilling when both people are solid by themselves and secure in themselves. That way, the relationship is balanced, instead of one person holding the other up.

So I would suggest taking some time to learn what makes you happy. What is your identity, aside from your boyfriend? What do you like to do? What are some activities/ hobbies you can do by yourself and get enjoyment out of? Building up your relationship with yourself, and learning to rely yourself more, will not only lead to a healthier and more fulfilled you, but will also strengthen your relationship because it makes you a more solid individual.

As for your boyfriend leaving- yes, he will leave, and it will be hard. It may hurt, a lot. But it sounds like you two are very close. And while you may not see him as often, good communication and frequent contact, while not the same, can help keep your bond strong. But a year is a long time away. Instead of worrying, enjoy the time you DO have with him right now. Build up positive memories while you have him here.

Depression is a serious condition, and yes, it can be genetic. Some of the symptoms you described (crying for hours on a regular basis, lack of purpose, self-esteem issues, anxiety) can be associated with depression. I would recommend speaking with a mental health professional, even if it is just your school counselor. They may guide you towards some helpful information regarding how to cope with/treat depression.

It sounds, too, like you aren't very happy with yourself. Do you generally like your life? Do you know your talents, and are you proud of your accomplishments? Would you consider you a "friend" of yourself? Do you treat yourself with compassion? Do you feel comfortable being alone? If the answer to these is "no," you may struggle with poor self image and a lack of self-confidence. When we don't have a very high opinion of ourselves, it's easy to base our sole happiness around another person. We feel high when that person is with us, and crash when they are gone. If we're happy with them, things are great. But if there is a rough patch, suddenly everything is in jeopardy, and your anxiety goes on ultra-high alert. We simply get used to having the other person fill us up, instead of working to fill ourselves up.

But that's an unhealthy way to live. It's not healthy for one person to be your source of happiness, and it's not fair to them to want them to bear that much responsibility. They say you can never be truly happy with someone else until you are happy with yourself. I don't necessarily believe that, but I do believe that relationships are a lot more meaningful and fulfilling when both people are solid by themselves and secure in themselves. That way, the relationship is balanced, instead of one person holding the other up.

So I would suggest taking some time to learn what makes you happy. What is your identity, aside from your boyfriend? What do you like to do? What are some activities/ hobbies you can do by yourself and get enjoyment out of? Building up your relationship with yourself, and learning to rely yourself more, will not only lead to a healthier and more fulfilled you, but will also strengthen your relationship because it makes you a more solid individual.

As for your boyfriend leaving- yes, he will leave, and it will be hard. It may hurt, a lot. But it sounds like you two are very close. And while you may not see him as often, good communication and frequent contact, while not the same, can help keep your bond strong. But a year is a long time away. Instead of worrying, enjoy the time you DO have with him right now. Build up positive memories while you have him here.

[gkat.34]

Thank you guys so much for your support. I'm working on my depression, and I've been talking to my boyfriend about everything, and I'm feeling better, just in these past couple days. I'm going to look into finding new and interesting hobbies that I enjoy, and try to focus less of my time always thinking about my boyfriend. I will still spend lots of time with him, as much as I possibly can, but I will also spend some more me time, getting to know myself better without him. Thank you guys again.