Broke up with girlfriend of 2 years - not doing well at all

[Lumberjack]

Hey so I finally broke up with my girlfriend that I was with for 2 years. We had been through a lot together including starting college (where we met) and we became good friends quickly and lived together in my room in residence (we both had our own rooms but we basically made hers just for storage lol). After we finished our programs there we applied to new programs at the college near my parents place so they allowed her to move into my room (it's a pretty big room so it worked lol). Basically I'm trying to say that by living together it honestly felt like we were together for 10 years not 2 and when things became sour for too long with us I ended it (which was 3 days ago).

It was really awkward because she was camping with her family and she got really mad at me and accusing me of not caring about her and that I didn't love her. She had been saying that for about a month and It was making it really hard for me to stay happy (I have depression and anxiety already as it is). I tried explaining to her for hours every few days that she accused me that I did love her more than anything but it never worked for long..I hadn't even done anything and I made sure to ask her if there was something she wasn't telling me and if there was something else wrong because I thought maybe it wasn't me that was the problem but possibly something else. When she was camping she had been away from me for a week and so she was accusing me way worse than any time before and I just simply asked "why are you with me if you think I don't care or love you?" She answered me with more accusing and bringing up random girls I had dated years ago and I didn't talk to because she'd get jealous and just getting mad at me for irrational reasons. That's when I told her I was done and she can come get her things when she comes back from camping.

The next few days before she came back from camping, she was telling me how her aunt was going to come into my room with her so she can help her pack and so that she doesn't have to talk to me because she didn't want to. I didn't understand what was wrong and she was making it sound like I had assaulted her or something when I had just had enough after a month of being told I didn't care about someone that I loved more than anything..I don't think that's a crime? So I told her her aunt won't be coming into my personal bedroom because its my parents house not an apartment and she was raging. I kept telling her i knew this was shitty but my idea of her comi back would be us both saying sorry and hugging and then I'd help pack and we'd say goodbye... Not her saying "I am NOT talking to you when I get there" and needing a bodyguard and making it seem so much worse..

I ended up packing all her stuff before she got back and putting it in the front hall so that they could just come in and just grab the stuff and go. When they came I told her ahead of time that I was staying upstairs because if she's going to say she isn't taking to me then I will have nothing to do with it. She came upstairs anyways after she packed the car and checked if I had missed everything and I made sure to go over to her and hug her like we used to but when she hugged back she did it for 2 secs and then stopped like I was a random person. She then checked the bathroom and asked "did you pack my shampoo?" And I said yes and then said that I would hug her properly this time because that moment would be what I last remember. We hugged again and this time after the hug I held her hips because I wanted to stare into her eyes and let her know that I loved her still and always will but th we just don't work for each other. Instead when we stopped hugging and I held her hips she leaned awkwardly back while hanging her hands on my shoulders like she wanted to make sure I didn't try to kiss her?! So I never got to say what I wanted to and then she just started to walk down the stairs and she stopped, turned back at me with a fake smile like she was about to cry because this was the last time shed see me and then she was gone...

Now it's been a few days and I was fine for the first day but now I have been up since 5 every night crying at random times because everything reminds me of her. I lie in bed to sleep at 9pm because I have work early everyday (7am) but when I lie on my back I think of how every time I would lie on my back shed turn to me in bed and hold onto me and have her head laying on my chest because she liked falling asleep to my heartbeat. So I start balling and turn on my side but she would always turn towards me whenever I'd move when we were trying to sleep cause she knew that meant that I was being depressed by over thinking too much at night. She'd instantly make me feel better and now that she's not there Im just waiting to feel her hand rubbing my back or holding onto me or me holding onto her but it never happens cause she's gone, my brain is making me feel how people get phantom limbs and I can't take it..by the time I get to bed its 5am honestly every night and its not doing well for me

I've tried getting myself cheered up every day so badly by trying to get in touch with old friends or just doing stuff I like to do but I can never do things for long before crying or just feeling insanely depressed and lonely in general. As for friends I talked to an old friend that I used to date and it was awesome to talk to her about everything but I can't help but feel like I'm just getting pity from her. I try to say we should hang out and the usual "ya we should!" Happens which is just like a thought as opposed to actually hanging out soon.

I'm not the most outgoing guy so I tried to ask some friends to help me get out of the house and we can go do something and I tell them like honestly ask me to do anything with you I don't care I just need to get my mind off things. They never invite me to do anything and I feel like I have no good friends to talk to. I don't even tell people about her. I say I broke up with her and then I talk to them about different things and make sure to ask them stuff so that its not about me but I still feel like a loser trying so hard to talk.

I just wish I had that one friend that would run over to my house because they would know how I feel and tell me we have to go out! Instead I'm basically begging people to do things with me which is ridiculous! I have thought about killing myself a few times lately and I have years ago but I don't think I'd ever do it. It's the fact that I do think about it that ruins me because I feel so worthless that I'm that weak that I'd kill myself. A lot of people have way worse problems in life and here I am posting on a forum on an iPad writing a novel that probably no one will even read about how useless I am.

I have talked to a few people that I literally say "hey" on Facebook, they say "hi" and ask how I'm doing and I say I'm fine and then they say they saw the post I put on Facebook (it was just saying how it sucks that someone you loved for 2 years was out of your life the next day when the day before you were doing normal relationship things) and said they hoped I was okay. If they had seen the post then WHY didn't they text me or message me or just say hi even the 2 people that liked my post made me feel a lot better!! If I said on Facebook I was going to kill myself would they not say anything and then when I'm dead they just tell whoever "I saw his post, I hope he's okay" like ya I'm dead by then..

I'm sorry for how long this is I hope someone can bear reading it all and I just don't know what to do..I want to try getting out there but no one seems to care and I've never really gone out clubbing or to a party or anything because Its uncomfortable for me. I know I can handle it because I did handle parties in residence but that was when I knew everyone because it was a residence of 40 people so they did those corny introduction things and we all got to know each other quickly. Thanks in advance for even attempting at reading this..it's 3am now and I'll probably be up till I pass out at 5 :/

Hey there,

The first thing to remember is that break ups take time to get over. I know that sucks to hear but you have to give yourself time to heal from everything that has occurred. You two were together for two years and you came to love one another and those feelings aren't just going to go away. That is okay, you know? You just have to give yourself the proper time to grieve for the loss of this relationship.

I think it is great that you are trying to get out there and hang out with friends. I am sorry that they haven't been responding in the proper way. Is there anyone else you can reach out to such as people from work? It might be hard to do but maybe if you tried reaching out to some of your colleagues from work you could make friends that way and find people to hang out with. You might also try talking to some of your friends again and initiate a hang out date; invite them to come hang out at your place or to go to a movie or do something like that and see what happens. Another great source to turn to for support during this time would be family. I don't know how close you are to your own family but remember that your parents and other relatives can probably relate to what you are going through and would probably love nothing more than to support you through this tough time. Are you still going to college? If so do you think when you get back you could try joining a club or something like that? That might be a great way to make some more friends and to keep yourself busy.

What are some activities you like to participate in? Try making a list of things you could do to keep yourself busy and then try and do them. It might take you a while to come up with ideas but it will happen. I think it is definitely important that you try and get out of the house as much as possible. Do you like exercising? Something that might help is if you tried getting out and exercising 30 minutes a day. I have heard that exercise is good for depression so maybe it would help you.

I really hope that this helped and please know that this can and will get better.

[Lumberjack]

Originally Posted by .:BreakingBeautifully:.

Hey there,

The first thing to remember is that break ups take time to get over. I know that sucks to hear but you have to give yourself time to heal from everything that has occurred. You two were together for two years and you came to love one another and those feelings aren't just going to go away. That is okay, you know? You just have to give yourself the proper time to grieve for the loss of this relationship.

I think it is great that you are trying to get out there and hang out with friends. I am sorry that they haven't been responding in the proper way. Is there anyone else you can reach out to such as people from work? It might be hard to do but maybe if you tried reaching out to some of your colleagues from work you could make friends that way and find people to hang out with. You might also try talking to some of your friends again and initiate a hang out date; invite them to come hang out at your place or to go to a movie or do something like that and see what happens. Another great source to turn to for support during this time would be family. I don't know how close you are to your own family but remember that your parents and other relatives can probably relate to what you are going through and would probably love nothing more than to support you through this tough time. Are you still going to college? If so do you think when you get back you could try joining a club or something like that? That might be a great way to make some more friends and to keep yourself busy.

What are some activities you like to participate in? Try making a list of things you could do to keep yourself busy and then try and do them. It might take you a while to come up with ideas but it will happen. I think it is definitely important that you try and get out of the house as much as possible. Do you like exercising? Something that might help is if you tried getting out and exercising 30 minutes a day. I have heard that exercise is good for depression so maybe it would help you.

I really hope that this helped and please know that this can and will get better.

Hey thanks for the reply I do IT work for a company and they're all like 30 yrs old + so there isn't really anyone that I could relate to unfortunately.. As for friends, in high school I had a lot of school friends that were basically my friend when we could talk to each other a lot because we were in the same class but if the next semester we weren't in the same class we'd just never talk again - it seems weird but it seemed to be how it was for everyone at my school. Then in the end of grade 9 parties started happening. my brother has had problems with drugs and alcohol and he's only a year older so when we were in high school everyone knew me as my brothers brother, never me for me. Because of this I saw him as my role model of how NOT to be. I decided since grade 8 that I would not drink or do drugs ever. So friends would ask me to go to a party but I would stupidly say I don't drink so I don't want to go and they just stopped asking me if I wanted to after a while.

By the time I was done high school I had lost basically every friend I had because everyone would get closer through hanging out at parties and other things that I'd miss out on while I'd be the nobody who's at home playing games. I still had some friends that I have today but eventually other people that they became friends with through the events I missed took over my spot as being a really good friend because they simply hung out with them more. My "childish" idea of hanging out in person and not drinking became lame and boring so no one wanted to hang out with me very often at all. This summer I've seen friends maybe 10 times and its always me who has to put all the effort out to have it happen so I get depressed and say why bother? It feels too forced when they come over and I feel like I'm their little cousin that annoys them but they're being told by their mom that its not very often so just deal with it.

I took up painting but I'm not very good at it and I started painting with my now ex so whenever I bring my paintbrushes out it reminds me of her and I can't handle it. I play video games a lot usually and I had the new Xbox preordered and I have a gaming PC that I built but with all this happening I just can't play anything.

I just feel immature and I want to get out there and meet different people. Clubs or whatever at college won't help because I have really strong anxiety and the only ones I would think of being a part of would be ones I like but then I'd be meeting people like me which is exactly what I don't want to do anymore. I could meet 100s of nerds like me but that makes me for anxious and more secluded.

EDIT: my family is helping to the best of their ability- they're very supportive but they don't understand where I'm coming from. I yelled at my mom today while she tried to help because when I got to my room after going out to try to feel better I thought about my ex and started crying. She came and sad next to me and wanted me to lean on her but in that moment before I did she made me feel like I was 5 yrs old and I had a bad day or something. I told her I didn't want her help because she makes me feel useless because my dad and mom just keep doing their usual strategy of making it sound like they want to do something with me. For example every once and a while I want to have like a family game night but no one ever wants to...well now that I'm feeling shitty they keep saying "hey I want to play a game with you!" But it just makes me feel shittier because they're only saying that because they feel bad for me and the fact that the only people that will do that for me are my parents makes me feel friendless and lonely again. I understand having nice parents Is a gift but I just don't want to have mommy and daddy there to help me out all the time

[minniemouseprincess]

I have a few things to say about this. Number one, you sound like an AMAZING guy, the kind of amazing that most girls are not lucky enough to find, especially when they are young. I don’t know why your ex suddenly thought you didn’t love her or care, but it really sounds like you do and that you tried everything you could to save it. With that being said, you tried everything you could. If it wasn’t meant to be, its not meant to be. As Simba says in “Lion King”, you can’t change the past. But you CAN change your outlook on the future. You will be upset for a while, I don’t know how long. Could be anywhere from a few days to a few weeks to a few months, in rare occasions, a few years. Its gonna suck, you will have MANY low days. But that’s not to say that it will never get better and that you will never find love or a true love. You WILL find someone else. You will prob find many other girls before you find the one you end up marrying. But when you do find her, it will be the best feeling in the world, unlike anything you’ve every experienced and you’ll know. I know it hurts that this happened like this, but its okay. It is okay that this happened and you know why? There will be a TON of people that come in AND out of our lives. Each one teaches us something, even if we dont realise it at the time. So your ex taught you something too, maybe something like what you would want in a girl, I don’t know. Many people will leave though, but also some will stay. And those that stay will be the most important people in your life. Don’t be too hard on your parents. I think they do love you a lot and do want to do everything in their power to make you happy. Parents typically do feel bad when their child is hurting and may come off as treating them like a baby. They don’t mean to, they just are trying to help. And its PERFECTLY FINE to ask for help or comfort. Everyone needs help sometimes. It doesn’t make you weak, its a smart move to make because you are helping yourself. Nobody can help you but yourself. I know it also has seemed like they blow you off when you want to do something like the game night, I think they just get busy. Its not that they don’t care by any means. But you know them better than myself so. I can certainly relate about being shy and not really wanting to go to public functions like parties or get togethers. I NEVER go to parties, even when I was a little girl I never went. I think in total, I went to maybe 3 birthdays. I just know that I do a lot better one on one with someone, not in groups. I tend to be VERY shy and keep to myself and also I worry that I may annoy people or that they may find me wierd if i’m in a group. One on one I open up better and am just overall happier. I don’t have many friends ether, can prob count them on one hand. Although i’d like more, I am thankful for those that I have because they are the best people ever. But anyways, I do hope you feel better soon. Don’t give up, things will improve. This is just the hard part. If you would like someone to talk to or even just a new friend, I am absolutely there for you=)

[Lumberjack]

Originally Posted by minniemouseprincess

I have a few things to say about this. Number one, you sound like an AMAZING guy, the kind of amazing that most girls are not lucky enough to find, especially when they are young. I don’t know why your ex suddenly thought you didn’t love her or care, but it really sounds like you do and that you tried everything you could to save it. With that being said, you tried everything you could. If it wasn’t meant to be, its not meant to be. As Simba says in “Lion King”, you can’t change the past. But you CAN change your outlook on the future. You will be upset for a while, I don’t know how long. Could be anywhere from a few days to a few weeks to a few months, in rare occasions, a few years. Its gonna suck, you will have MANY low days. But that’s not to say that it will never get better and that you will never find love or a true love. You WILL find someone else. You will prob find many other girls before you find the one you end up marrying. But when you do find her, it will be the best feeling in the world, unlike anything you’ve every experienced and you’ll know. I know it hurts that this happened like this, but its okay. It is okay that this happened and you know why? There will be a TON of people that come in AND out of our lives. Each one teaches us something, even if we dont realise it at the time. So your ex taught you something too, maybe something like what you would want in a girl, I don’t know. Many people will leave though, but also some will stay. And those that stay will be the most important people in your life. Don’t be too hard on your parents. I think they do love you a lot and do want to do everything in their power to make you happy. Parents typically do feel bad when their child is hurting and may come off as treating them like a baby. They don’t mean to, they just are trying to help. And its PERFECTLY FINE to ask for help or comfort. Everyone needs help sometimes. It doesn’t make you weak, its a smart move to make because you are helping yourself. Nobody can help you but yourself. I know it also has seemed like they blow you off when you want to do something like the game night, I think they just get busy. Its not that they don’t care by any means. But you know them better than myself so. I can certainly relate about being shy and not really wanting to go to public functions like parties or get togethers. I NEVER go to parties, even when I was a little girl I never went. I think in total, I went to maybe 3 birthdays. I just know that I do a lot better one on one with someone, not in groups. I tend to be VERY shy and keep to myself and also I worry that I may annoy people or that they may find me wierd if i’m in a group. One on one I open up better and am just overall happier. I don’t have many friends ether, can prob count them on one hand. Although i’d like more, I am thankful for those that I have because they are the best people ever. But anyways, I do hope you feel better soon. Don’t give up, things will improve. This is just the hard part. If you would like someone to talk to or even just a new friend, I am absolutely there for you=)

Thanks that whole post was amazing

My problem with my parents is that whenever i say we should do something they're sitting down literally my mom on her laptop looking up random stuff (not work or anything) and my dads on his tablet checking Facebook (never get your parents into social media, at least not mine lol) and emails. They're literally doing nothing and that's fine if they just feel like doing that because everyone just wants to relax sometimes but I don't like asking often because they make me feel horrible for asking so they should know that when I do ask, it's for a good reason.

Also the thing with being in groups is that when I get a chance to be with a lot of people in an environment I'm comfortable with I actually thrive even though I'm shy. I force myself to make an impression and if I know the people I'm with have some interests that I have I'm insanely passionate and could talk for hours. The problem is that nowadays I never get the chance and now I'm out of practice and its so uncomfortable to ask people if I can tag along :/

[minniemouseprincess]

Have you ever tried sitting down with your parents and explaining to them that ocassionally you would like to spend time with them and would appreciate it if they could set some time aside, especially if you ask them in advance? I don’t know if they will listen but hopefully they will because then you would have their undivided attention and they would hear your concern.

Well, you are a lot better than me=) I can’t push myself to thrive in those situations, it just isnt done to me lol. For that, you are very brave I must say=) I think in time, more oppertunities will arise. Do you talk to people at your job often?

[Lumberjack]

I looove to speak my mind although my past girlfriends hate how much detail I have to put in to explain even simple things lol. So ya I've tried talking to my parents before but it's a no-go unfortunately.

Ya I talk to people at work all the time, they're older so they aren't so immature so I feel perfectly comfortable. I have to find out what's wrong with their computer and they usually have no idea how to explain it so I really have to learn how to understand each person's level of expertise and take it slow with them to figure it out lol. I also try to show them how to do the easy stuff that pops up a lot themselves so they don't need me as much haha :P

[minniemouseprincess]

I see, I am sorry about that=(

Ah, they are old geezers huh?=) How old are you?

[Lumberjack]

Originally Posted by minniemouseprincess

I see, I am sorry about that=(

Ah, they are old geezers huh?=) How old are you?

Ya haha :P I just turned 20 last month

[minniemouseprincess]

Aw you are a year older than me=) I just turned 19 on May 10th=)

[Lumberjack]

Lol a year difference isn't too bad

Man I wish I knew how you get others to try to hang out as opposed to me having to do everything..there must be a secret! Lol

[minniemouseprincess]

Nah=)

You mean having other people ask you to hang out with them as opposed to you asking to hang out with them? I don’t know if there is a secret to that. If there is and you ever find it, tell me=) But remember too, overtime you will find friends, some good and some bad. Some close and some not so close. The good ones are worth waiting a lifetime for. I’d rather have just a few good friends than many that I cant connect with or are not the greatest to me.