Best friend of 3 years cheated on his girlfriend... should I tell her?

[HealingAngel]

Here's the situation.

I have been close friends with this guy for about three years and within the past year we've become best friends.

However, he cheated on his girlfriend. I don't know her personally but she really does seem very sweet and she totally didn't deserve that at all. I don't think anyone does but she definitely didn't. Furthermore, she's been cheated on in the past and it absolutely broke her heart... She deserves to know. Really.

About a year and a half ago my boyfriend cheated on me as well. He sexted another girl but when we began our relationship it was clear between both of us that both he and I considered sexting someone you personally know cheating. Here's the twisted part of this... My best friend cheated on his girlfriend with the same girl even though he helped me through the aftermath and knows how much that shattered me.

I can't imagine being his girlfriend and she deserves to know, but we've been such close friends for so long... He's one of my only close friends in fact. Yet I can't imagine being her right now. Being forced to kiss a guy who cheated on me right after would make the kiss taste like bitter acid. Sleeping with them and LATER finding out they had cheated would make me feel used and dirty and awful...

What type of best friend would do that with the same girl who shattered my world? Do I protect my best friend of three amazing years who no longer deserves it or save his girlfriend who I don't even know but shouldn't have to go through this without knowing...?

Knowing he cheated right away the next morning was the only gift I had... Before another kiss. Before anything intimate... She doesn't have that...

ALSO.... Regardless of whether you answered the poll, if you have time please explain your answer or give advice as to how I should go forward with whatever choice you picked.

[ninjagirl93]

You should talk to him.. tell him that he should come clean. Tell it from the perspective of a girl who has been cheated on. If he cares about you (and her), he'll understand how truly horrible it can be and out of respect for you (if nothing else), he will tell her. If he doesn't want to then you have to weigh out what you value more: his friendship or your personal reasons (i.e. telling her out of principal bc of what you yourself faced etc.). I've had some guy friends cheat but I've never told their girlfriends, mostly bc I was not friends with them, and my loyalty lay with my guy friends. That does not suggest that cheating is okay but I just figure its not my place. Also, would it really be worth it to lose his friendship? His girlfriend might not believe you, and it could cause a whole lot of drama.

[PSY]

I've never been placed in your position before, but I've asked myself what I would do if I were faced with a similar situation. I believe I would talk to my friend first and essentially give him the opportunity to come clean, because I value my morals over any potential consequences to my friendships. After that, what you do depends on where your priorities are. I would be highly suspicious if my friend claimed they told their partner, and things carried on as usual (ex. they posted cute photos of each other on Facebook the next day). If that happened, I might even ask my friend what would happen if I followed up with their partner at that point, to see how my friend would react. I wouldn't want to be associated with someone who not only cheated on their partner, but also lied to me about telling their partner after the fact... so my value system would probably overrule my desire to avoid drama/getting involved on a deeper level.

[Always *]

I agree with PSY, I don't think you should just up and tell her, even if he claims she already knows. He might perceive it as a betrayal because you didn't let him handle it or what ever. It might not be rationale because she does deserve to know, but it might make it harder to recover from if she heard it from a stranger.
Any how, I'd talk to him first, tell him that it upsets you he cheated especially because you've been cheated on and let him know how it hit home for you and that it isn't sitting right with you that you (at least think) that she has no idea what's going on and that if you were in her situation you'd want to know etc. If you think you'd forgive him for it as long as he was truly remorseful and regretful etc. then let him know that, it might help him be honest if he knows it's not a relationship ruiner. You might want to make it abundantly clear that while you don't want to step on his toes you are seriously considering telling her if he doesn't do it himself.

[savealife723]

The fact that in this post you kept posting "She deserves to know... She needs to know... It's so wrong... She deserves to know" and things like that really leads me to believe that you already know what the right thing to do is. Cheating is not acceptable at all. And not only did your best friend hurt this innocent girl he cheated on, but he also hurt you in sexting someone who has previously hurt you in the past in your last relationship. If he is going to be so careless about other people's feelings, then I'm not sure that he's a good friend at all.

She doesn't deserve to be cheated on.
You don't deserve to be hurt.

Nobody deserved what he did, and I think that not telling her would be wrong. Don't protect someone's feelings if they aren't going to protect yours.

[Dark-and-Twisty]

I think you need to talk to your friend and convince him to come clean to her. If you just go tell her without talking to him first, then you're risking your friendship. Also, since she doesn't know you well, she might not believe you. It's better if it comes from him.

It's not your place to tell his girlfriend that he cheated on her, as tempting as that may be. Instead, I would talk to your friend first. Let him know you believe what he did was wrong and that he owes it to his girlfriend to be honest with her. Tell him this is important to the health of your friendship. If he is regretful of his behavior and values your friendship, then it may be fine to stay friends with him. But if not, you may need to distance yourself from him.