Triggering (Abuse): Non-PG13 (Strong Language): got raped, got hpv, my ex got a girlfriend, ovarian cancer

[puala__koala]

okay, so im going to start from the very beginning

a little over two years ago, i was raped by my best friend. we were in out in the woods smoking pot, and he gave me a hug because i was going through rough times. he kept on hugging me tighter and tighter after that, and by the time i realized what he was about to do, his grip was so strong i knew i couldn't fight him. i let him have it.

my response was really bad. after it happened, i slept around a lot, because i felt like by doing so i was reasserting this control in my life. while sleeping around, i met another guy who sold me drugs at a rave, and then half an hour later i was sleeping with him i didn't know this then, but he gave me chlamydia and hpv. the chlamydia infection came up right away, and i got that cleared up. i didn't know i had hpv and thought i was clean.

after that, i decided to not sleep around, and had a committed relationship, which fell apart when i met this guy who i thought was the love of my life. he then broke up with me shortly after that and refused to tell me why.

after i broke up with him, i was so upset that i dealt with my feelings by sleeping around. at this time, i saw the same guy that gave me chlamydia and hpv. he told all his friends i broke up with my boyfriend, and that they should give me free drugs to try and cheer me up. by the end of the night, i was so fucked up i could barely tell what was going on. he took me somewhere and fucked me while i passed out. i thought i was going to die with him ontop of me.

a couple months later, his ex called me up to tell me she had herpes and chlamydia. he told me he had hpv and chlamydia but not herpes. i got tested, and i didn't have herpes, i didn't have chlamydia, and they told me there was no way to test for hpv but that it wasn't a big deal because im vaccinated.

well, now i just found out from a friend i had sex with two months ago, that, apparently, they had an outbreak of hpv right after sleeping with me. i called up all my exes, and now, not only do they think im a complete whore, but i just found out the guy i fell in love with now has a girlfriend.

ontop of everything, i've been getting horrible pains in one of my ovaries (right where there's a bump), along with being extremely tired all the time, and i haven't been able to fuck in over six months because it hurts too bad. my mom had ovarian cancer last year, and ive been meaning to get it checked out, but weve just been figuring that its a cyst since im not 21 yet. apparently my chances go up a lot since i have hpv, but i don't want to tell my mom that because she cant shut her fucking mouth.

well, i just want to curl up into a ball right now and die. i have no fucking clue how to deal with the rest of this shit. all i want is a guy to tell me they love me and that its going to be okay, but no guy is going to love me, especially since im no good in bed anymore. advice?

[AmazonQueen]

Hey there, I'm not going to sugar coat anything, I am just going to tell you what I think.

First of all I really don't think you need another man right now. Clearly physical contact and such has gone very badly for you in the recent passed, especially in the circumstances your in so I would give that a break for a little while and worry about getting clean.

Get yourself to a clinic, talk to the doc about your health concerns and ask him about rehab programs.

First thing is first, you NEED to stop doing drugs. Nothing good comes of it. Second of all you need to stop sleeping around and sort yourself. Third you need to take action. If you are over 18 the clinic legally cannot tell your parents what is going on and the doctor can be a good place to start.

[Age of Ignorance]

First of all, I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you. I don't really have the words to describe how much I sympathise, because this is a situation that is obviously very hard on you. I want you to know, though, that we're all here for you and we all hope that you can pull through this with your head up high.

I specifically want to skip over the rape part (quite simply, I don't know how to deal with rape victims - I work in a law firm where I've met 10+ rape victims, and every single one breaks my heart, and I don't think I know how to approach it without going into legalities), and go straight into HPV. Whilst, yes, you've been vaccinated, your "friend" who says that he had an HPV break-out right after sleeping with you (assuming he is a male, of course), then the fact that he "broke out" indicates that it is not a high-risk strain. Males show no symptoms if they have acquired one of the high-risk strains and there is absolutely no way to test a male for high-risk strains of HPV. Another words, he has a low-risk strain, which is good, because it means the likelihood that you have ovarian cancer is hugely diminished (also, the incubation period for ovarian cancer after contracting a high risk strain of HPV is conservatively said to be at least 2 years, so I believe it's unlikely you've got a high risk strain of HPV which has led to cancer). The only health problem associated with low-risk HPV strains, typically, is genital warts, which are more of an aesthetic problem than anything. Nevertheless, a possibility still remains that you could have a high risk strain of HPV, which can be detected by a pap smear - go and see your doctor, or your lady-part specialist, if you have one.

Also, were you cleared of chlamydia? Long-term, chlamydia can do some really dastardly stuff to your ovaries, and it's not pretty. Often, if you were sick whilst taking the antibiotics (as in, you had diarrhea or you vomited), the infection will remain throughout the course of treatment and won't be effected by it. Another words, you could still have chlamydia and that could be the source of the problem.

Anyway, I seriously advise you go and see your gyno or doctor, get the "full panel" done, get your lady parts physically examined, and get a pap smear. Talk to your doctor about those STIs that cannot be detected, and ask his/her opinion. They will be hugely more knowledgeable than us.

I'm always here if you want to chat.

- Mitch

[PSY]

As difficult as it may be, I encourage you to go to the doctor right away and order a series of tests/exams to rule out all STIs and STI-related conditions (such as ovarian cancer). The longer you wait, the harder it will be (or the longer it will take) to treat any problems you're having... and it may be too late for some problems, as they can progress to more severe stages if left untreated. One of my friends learned this the hard way with a medical condition he had (not an STI), and he continues to beat himself up a year later because he didn't go the moment he suspected something was wrong. Book an appointment - TODAY.

As for the rest of your story, I am truly sorry about the rapes, and about your way of coping afterward. I encourage you to seek help for the drug use as well, and to use protection from this point on (condoms at the very least, to protect you from pregnancy AND STIs) when sexually active. It's not too late to turn your life around, but if you keep repeating the same mistakes, life is going to get harder and harder to "fix" with time (not to mention that you may make life much more difficult for OTHER people as well, should you expose them to STIs).